Situation #2.1: The EMT Zombie

Name: Gary*

Location: An Ambulance

What Happened:

Back in February I was seeing a guy pretty regularly but we weren’t set in stone. One night it was my turn to pick the date. In my infinite wisdom I chose roller skating.

On the date I fell, fractured my arm, drank enough vodka to take the edge off, and managed to fuck the guy twice that night. (How I didn’t get wifed after that, I’ll never know). The next morning I woke up in a lot of pain and couldn’t rotate my arm but damn it, I got shit to do so I went to my little sister’s competition.

While at the competition, I had a physical therapy friend manipulate my arm to see how bad the break was and I passed out from the pain. While I was down they called the ambulance and the most beautiful EMT came to my rescue. So beautiful that I thought FUCK IT and said, “Wow you’re really attractive”. To which he responded, “Thanks, you’re also really attractive”.

We flirted the entire way to the emergency room and he came in to check on me after I had my X-ray. Being the creeper she is, my physical therapy friend found him on Facebook, had me friend him, and we talked the whole weekend.

It turns out Gary used to be in the Army, married young, has a baby, but mom is out of the picture romantically speaking. Despite all this I figured he was hot and if I ever wanted to end it I had the baby as my out.

We talked and talked and talked and then POOF. Never heard from again. Okay, whatever. We never went out anyways and he has a daughter to take care of. (Yet he still to this day likes every single pic I post on Insta)

6 MONTHS LATER

Boy comes back from the dead.

I had been out of state and was blowing up social media with all the photos. He messaged me to ask what I was up to, how I’ve been, the whole thing. And then POOF. Never heard from again.

I also like being a ghost. But only on Halloween.

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