Encounter #99.2: Mr. Rhode Island

App: The League

Name: Elias*

Date Location: Ward 8 & Arya Trattoria – Boston, MA

Location Review:  4.0 Stars – Romantic atmosphere and drinks and apps were tasty

4.0 Stars – Solid-ass Italian. For being in that main drag in the North End, it’s actually good.

Date Duration: 7 hours

What Happened:

I was legitimately excited to see Elias again. It had been a minute since I had someone plan real dates and I just thought he was so cute.

We decided to get drinks and a snack before dinner and based on how he was dressed and smelled that night, I wanted Elias to be the snack. Like damn. Boy came to play.

He was super sweet. Before I got there he tried to get us a table in a more romantic spot and he pulled my chair out for me. Definitely giving gentleman vibes.

Talking with him was easy. There weren’t really any awkward silences and we just shot the shit. After drinks, we headed over to the next restaurant for dinner and that’s where it started getting a little weird.

Out of nowhere, he asked me if there was a political issue I was passionate about. Considering I had just dumped someone for their beliefs, it was odd timing. But, we were on the same page so that was fine.

After we finished dinner, we decided to walk around and found ourselves at the waterfront yet again. And that’s where things got a smidge weirder.

We had both dated married Brazilians before so I told him my little story that ended with me getting a (CURABLE) std. Is that too much to share? Maybe. But if you don’t think that shit is funny, you aren’t the one for me.

To make me feel better, he said he’d share something embarrassing. But then it was this weird stream of consciousness about how he smokes weed, but he has herniated disks in his back so it’s fine, but it’s not an addiction, and he hasn’t smoked in a month because his job tests and he’s looking to switch positions, and he’s looking at moving to LA to work at that office, but he doesn’t know if he wants to work in chemistry anymore, and he already resigned his lease, oh and he has ADHD. I had no idea wtf was happening but it was just a pile of word vomit.

Despite that, I had a good time and wanted to see if we had any chemistry. We held hands but, would there be a spark? We were all alone by the water. Drinks had been flowing. NOTHING.

It was late so we called the Ubers and I leaned into him trying to make something happen. He was oblivious. He kept saying how he wanted to see me again so figured I’d let it slide and wait for that slow burn.

Happy 100?

I’d like to think I’d have something witty and snappy to say now that I’ve officially crossed 100 first dates off my list. But truthfully, I am so fucking exhausted and really just need to be properly dicked down.

It’s nice having freedom. I never have to answer to anyone. But, I feel so starved for companionship with a partner. Everyone is moving into these next phases of life and I can’t relate in the least. They’re picking out nursery colors and I’m still snapchatting men asking how many siblings they have. Just night and day.

I have a lot of feelings about staring 30 in the face with little to no prospect of having someone special to celebrate it with. It’s low-key kind of embarrassing that I’m still in the position to be writing this nonsense but, I will spare you from this becoming a live journal entry.

When I look back on these 100 dates, there are some that stand out.

The good:

The bad:

And just the downright weird:

It’s been a wild-ass ride and I can’t thank you enough for being on this ride with me. Here’s hoping we both get off (both literally and figuratively) soon.

Encounter #98.2: Peabody

App: Tinder

Name: Omar*

Date Location:  Speakeasy and Irish Tavern (No idea wtf the names were) – Sommerville, MA

Location Review: N/A

Date Duration: 14 hours

What Happened:

Even though we had just seen each other the night before, we were both excited to go on an actual date with each other.

Omar beat me to the bar but since I can’t park for shit, he jumped in my car and helped me find a spot (and paid for my parking). Immediately we were holding hands and it was nice to feel coupled up for once.

He made reservations at a speak easy and we were the only people in the place so it was truly just the two of us. Conversation was still decent. Not as free flowing as the night before but considering we had been talking to each other every day for 4 hours at a time, we still found things to chat about.

The bar wasn’t really doing it for us so we decided to leave. He wouldn’t let me pay but I saw the tab. $100+ and he didn’t flinch. I guess he was not lying about making 6-figures in IT.

The next bar I got a little more insight into him. I don’t know how it came up but, we talked politics and we were just not aligned to say the least. It was weird. Socially we were on the same page but it just didn’t make sense to me why he voted for the way he did. Republican I can handle but based on the things he said, the math wasn’t mathing. He kept saying he liked living in MA and what the state was doing. Massachusetts is blue AF. Why are you voting for Trump?

I didn’t know what to think. Maybe I’m just a $n0wfLake liberal but, it was disappointing. Despite that, everything else about him was fine. He could make me laugh and it was clear he was into me so maybe I could look past it? He kept saying he wasn’t *that* political so maybe I could take him at his word?

He came to my place after and we started getting into it. We talked early on about wanting to wait to have sex. He had disclosed to me early on that he had genital herpes and I wasn’t going to be playing with fire if I didn’t know if I even liked him.

The hookup was fine. There was some potential and he seemed coachable but it wasn’t groundbreaking by any means. He would do stuff to me and I would say something like, “Mmm keep doing it like that” and then he would switch it up and start doing something else for whatever fucking reason. Not sure how “like that” translates to stop what you’re doing, but whatever.

Omar was so into me and honestly, it felt really fucking nice. We kept seeing each other and it was nice cosplaying boyfriend/girlfriend. He came over the day after I had to say goodbye to my dog and it felt so good to be able to come undone in front of someone. To not have to carry the emotional load alone for once. I can’t remember the last time a man said he wanted to be there for me while I fell apart and then actually was.

That said, there were some things that happened in the following weeks that I didn’t like. For someone who kept saying they “weren’t political”, he brought politics up an awful lot. Even if I could get over it, I couldn’t see a way for him to be accepted by my friends and family. All I saw were awkward parties and us wanting to raise kids differently.

Speaking of kids, we also had different expectations there. He wanted to be a dad so badly and exclusively wanted kids of his own. I am not sold given the world we live in.

But, what did it was one particular week. We hadn’t seen each other in about 5-7 days. I had called him Monday (No answer) and Tuesday night (he picked up but couldn’t talk). Wednesday he was out with friends, had been drinking and wanted to come over. Not ideal but, whatever. He kept insisting he wanted to see me and was good to drive. Fine. Left the door unlocked for him and ended up dozing off.

At 1am I woke up and he still wasn’t there. Checked my phone and he texted me. When he went home to grab clothes, he ended up smoking a joint with his roommates and fell asleep.

For someone who wanted to see me so badly, it didn’t make sense to me. Was the plan to drive over high and see me while baked af or was it that a substance was more important? Either way, didn’t love the answer.

What tipped me over the edge though was that Saturday night he was at a concert in Boston, wanted to see me, but had done coke and didn’t feel good about driving over. Whatever, all good. We would see each other the next day.

Well, that’s when he dropped that he had gone out with 2 girls since we met. Were we exclusive? No. But, he kept telling me there was no one else. I would make jokes about him having hoes and he would brush it off every time. Do what you want but, don’t fucking lie to me.

There’s an unsaid rule in dating that in those beginning stages, you don’t say what/who you’re doing. But if you’re telling me there’s no one else, all I can do is take you at your word especially after making comments about me having your babies, being at your birthday, and everything else.

I had been on the fence for a while but wanted to see him a few more times in person before I made the call but that pushed me over the edge and I cut it off.

That didn’t go over very well. It ended up being a 4-hour ordeal with him calling me multiple times and blowing up my phone. At one point he Facetimed me, I picked up, and we started talking things over but he was walking into his house and started chatting with his roommates instead while I was on the line…cool. So I hung up and he texted me up the ass.

Apparently what he was trying to say was that he went out with these other girls, hated it, and now just wanted to be with me. Cool. But it still happened. Also, I still vote blue and he still wanted kids of his own. It probably was the right thing to do to cut it off but, I hated every minute of it and kept second-guessing it.

When I woke up the next day, he texted me and asked me to block his number since he knew he would want to text me. He knew where I lived so I kept his texts on mute just to be safe. He texted me three times that week asking how I was but that was it.

It’s been a few weeks and I still feel weird about the whole thing. In the long run, it was probably the right decision but, it also feels so bleak out there. I don’t feel deeper connections often and I may have pushed someone away who would have given me ~70% of what I could have wanted from a partner. But is ~70% enough at the end of the day for a relationship to go the distance?

Not for me.