Encounter #41.2: Slow Hands

App: Bumble

Name: Chase*

Date Location: Grove Corner Bar & Taqueria Downtown – Jersey City, NJ

Location Review:  3.0 Stars – Classic sports bar. Cheap pitchers of beer during games, tvs everywhere, and dark wood.

5.0 Stars – Taqueria is the tits. One marg will fuck you up, tacos are delicious, and the service is pretty quick.

Date Duration: 8 hours

What Happened:

In the time since our first date, I had already made an ass of myself. We were supposed to hang out one weekend but I was too hung over to move because of previous exploits the night before then later that weekend I got tanked at a wedding and drunk texted him. For whatever reason, he was still interested and we met up on a night that neither of us had to take classes.

The bar I originally picked was slammed so we found the closest one that had seating. It was a sports bar in the middle of a Yankee game so we made it work. We had a few pitchers of beer and as we crushed the second I asked what he wanted to do. Stay here or check somewhere else out? He said, “I mean we could go back to your place.” I MEAN IF YOU INSIST.

He was hungry and I was nervous so I roped him into getting tacos. On the walk over, he put his arm around my waist which was oddly sweet. I wasn’t expecting that at all. We got in and fucking went in on those tacos. Holy fuck. I cannot say enough good things about the lamb ones. Fuck me up.

We ate. Drank. And then it was time. He called the Uber to my place and within minutes of being in the apartment things happened. Chase knew exactly what he was doing. His make outs were on point, he had me against the wall, and took the time to make sure I was feeling good. I was shocked. When we moved to the bed he made a point to go down on me and damn, it was good. When he came up for air, I reached down to reciprocate some of his efforts and he was huge. I don’t know why I was surprised. He was pretty tall and had a broader build so it made sense but you just don’t know until you’re in the moment.

We started fucking and it was mind blowing. He clearly worked out because he was pulling me up and throwing me down no problem. What really got me though was how we connected so easily. Normally the first time is kind of awkward and you’re both figuring each other out. This was like birthday sex level good…well until the inevitable awkward happened.

I had drank quite a bit and he was packing. So when we switched to him behind me there was a ton of pressure on my bladder. I didn’t necessarily want to stop but, I was ready for him to finish up. I turned to him and asked, “What can I do to get you off?” Easy. Simple question. He responded with, “I want to cum on your face and shove it in your ass…don’t worry, we’ll save that second part for later.”

Ummmm. Wow. Okay, coming in hot there.

I felt like Jim from The Office staring into the camera. I was expecting literally any other answer. “Suck me off”, “Keep doing that”, “Put your leg here”. Anything. This felt a bit bold for an initial encounter.

It was a lot but, I believed I could blow him and finish things a little quicker. He laid down and I got to work. Then he said, “Get down” and threw a pillow on the floor. Before I knew it he was standing above me and it happened. He came in my eye.

Chase was one of those guys that as soon as he finished, he passed the fuck out. So while he flopped on the bed exhausted, I was left on the floor trying find tissues in the dark with only one functional eyeball.

I was a bit annoyed. It’s not that I really cared that he finished on my face but, I do think that when you blow a load all over someone you have to help clean your mess. It’s only fair.

Although he pulled a party foul, he had a moment of redemption. We were laying there, started making out a bit, and I made some comment about getting me off. He quickly went to work. Cool with vibrators? Awesome. Let’s party.

He left not long after which was fine with me. We texted here and there over the weekend while I was away.

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But like I said, Taqueria is really fucking good.

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Encounter #31.3: Above Average

App: Hinge

Name: Jared*

Date Location: Pint – Jersey City, NJ

Location Review:  4.0 Stars –  This is a basic ass bar. Nothing crazy. BUT their happy hour is what truly shines. $2 shots, $3 beers, and $3 mixed drinks.

Date Duration: 12 hours

What Happened:

Only 3 days after our second date we were on the third. He offered to come to Jersey City so we decided to do trivia at one of the cheapest bars in the area.

Since he was running late from work and the bar didn’t have much for food, I ordered in and he met me at my place. Earlier that day, he mentioned that he had something really embarrassing to tell me but he was going to wait until he saw me in person. I buzzed him into the the building and when he got to my door, he had me step out. I forget how it happened but he ended up seeing his mom earlier that day after she stopped at a bakery nearby. She also gave him 2 cannolis and said that he could share them with his “new friend”. DYING.

We ate dinner and of course he was fucking adorable. Before we got into the Lyft he kept kissing me and saying that he loved the way I touched him and how I smelled. (That sounds super creepy. It was sweet in person.)

We got to the bar, grabbed a seat, I got a little drunk, and we got our asses kicked in trivia. Between questions and rounds of drinks we had good conversation. Then at one point I ended up telling him (thank you vodka) that I really liked him, it scared me, and as happy as I was things were moving really fast. His eyes got really big. He said he felt the same way but wasn’t sure where I was and he was happy that we were on the same page.

He had a flight the next day so he didn’t want to stay the night but offered to bring a pint of ice cream back to my apartment to have before he went home. On the walk to Walgreens he revealed that he was not late because of work. It was because he stopped to get another new outfit for our date. Also that pint of ice cream he picked up was never opened. Instead we ended up in my bed.

Once again, we didn’t fuck. I don’t know how it happened but we decided that we were going to fuck the next time we saw each other. But, we kept ourselves busy with other things. He continued to prove he had a strong oral game and we moved to the shower. While we were in there, he brought up again that he had never just showered with someone and found it to be an intimate and romantic moment to share.

I didn’t realize how much I missed sharing my bed and waking up next to someone. I always have slept a little better knowing that there is someone next to me and it also helped that he was a solid big spoon.

The two of us were out of town for the weekend but he invited me to stay with him at his place the next weekend. We needed to fuck. I accepted his offer.

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Encounter #24.2: Strong Island

App: Hinge

Name: Antonio*

Date Location: The Keg Room

Location Review:  4.0 Stars – Tasty apps, plenty of beer, has those really big windows that open so you can watch the people on the street.

Date Duration: 3 hours

What Happened:

For one reason or another, I decided to give Antonio another shot. Leading up, I got the vibe that we were both a little disappointed in each other. We went from texting constantly to only a few times a day, he would always be the one to start the conversation, and the jokes just weren’t rolling. But I did make out with him the last time we went out and said to his face that I wanted to go out again so I had to follow through.

One thing that irked me was his planning. Once again he asked me out, picked the date, and could not take the time to just pick a goddamn bar. Really. It’s not hard. Yelp makes things incredibly easy. I found a bar by our train stations and sent the info over. An hour or 2 before we were going to meet he asked me where we were meeting. DA FUQ. Boy, we just went over this. If you needed the address just google the damn thing yourself.

Overall, nothing noteworthy really happened. We ate, I drank, the usual. A family friend was in the area so I had to leave to meet him a few blocks down. Antonio walked me over and when I got to my destination we made out. It was kind of sweet. I had my wallet in my hand but managed to drop it mid-kiss and we both started laughing then made out more.

Then he left and I was fine. I didn’t get the post-make out glow. But once again my dumb ass agreed to going out again in person. We kept texting here and there, much less than before. Then one morning I woke up to a series of texts.

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Ain’t even mad.

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