Encounter #77.4: Landscaper

App: Tinder

Name: Ethan*

Date Location: My Apartment

Location Review:  N/A

Date Duration: 13 hours

What Happened:

By some act of God, Ethan kept talking to me and wanted to hang out again after we rekindled things. Usually, things crash and burn shortly after I sleep with a guy so this was a welcome change.

Since I had come up to him, he offered to drive down to me. Date was set. Everyone was excited.

Well then I found out I had to go to Connecticut at 7am to pick up my rescue dog the same morning he’d be waking up with me. FAHHHHHK.

Ethan, being the sweet human he is, didn’t care and had friends who lived in the next town over that he could get breakfast with. I felt so bad but, he kept reassuring me that he was just happy we got to see each other.

We ordered in and as expected, things heated up fairly quickly and we ended up in my bed. The sex was even better than the last time but we kept having condom slippage. In a fit of passion, we said fuck it, we’d talk about it later, and we did our thing.

Afterward, I was like “Sooooo hitting it raw. I’m fine with it but if we’re going to do that, there can’t be other people. I don’t want to pick up anything”. He was fine with it. The whole conversation lasted like 30 seconds and was so chill. We spent the rest of the night chit-chatting, (fucking), cuddling, and all that good stuff.

When we woke up we had 15-20 minutes to spare so we went at it again. Everything was great. He was going to see his friend. I was going to get my dog. And then I checked my phone. The bitch got to Connecticut at 3 a.m.

I won’t say I freaked the fuck out but, I wasn’t my best self. I didn’t know where she was and I felt like I held up the entire animal transport. Ethan, being the sunshine human he is, didn’t seem phased. He pulled me into him and said, “She’s safe. It’s not your fault. It will be okay”. It wasn’t anything major but it felt so good to have someone be there for me in that moment and not have him be freaked out by my anxiety.

A few hours later he asked if I was home and he stopped by on his way back to NH to meet the dog. I smelled like ass. The dog smelled like ass. And he didn’t care.

He had to head home but we kept texting throughout the day and that’s when it happened.


So we kept seeing each other. And it has blown my mind.

  • He calls me every day to say hi and check in
  • I met his friends
  • He met my friends
  • I was on my period, went to blow him, and he stopped me because, “I want to eat you out and it’s not fair for me to get something out of it. You don’t need to have my dick in your mouth for me to like you”.
  • He made a shared note where we can put in date ideas

I have no idea where this will go (there’s something about me posting that things are good that triggers the universe to make it implode) but, I’m so happy/shocked that I’ve experienced whatever this is. It is so straightforward and uncomplicated and on some level, that’s terrifying to me. I’m not bending in 1000 directions to maintain his everything and I don’t think that’s happened in the past 8 years.

So tbd on where this adventure leads but, here’s to the first healthy adventure of 2023.

Encounter #77.3: Landscaper

App: Tinder

Name: Ethan*

Date Location: The Farm & Tokens Taproom – Dover, NH

Location Review:  3.5 Stars – Drinks were aight and menu had solid options. Seems more like a family spot during the week.

4.0 Stars – It’s small but, drinks are pretty inexpensive and there’s Mortal Combat.

Date Duration: 16 hours

What Happened:

So. Little bit of a story here.

About a year and a half ago I went out with Ethan. Nice guy, treated me well, cute, and all that good stuff. We just met while I was talking to someone else and after a certain point, it felt shitty talking to 2 people. So before anything got too serious with either party, I picked one.

Well, I chose wrong.

In the time since I ended it with Ethan, I always thought about reaching back out. We had a lot of fun when we were together, I always thought he was cute, and it felt easy. But, I had moved and I figured he would get scooped up fairly quickly so I let it go.

We would snap each other here and there but it picked up into a regular cadence out of nowhere. (Weirdly not long after everything went down with Ian and I took myself out of the game).

I wasn’t looking for anything at that point in time but since I had some history with Ethan, I made an exception. After a few weeks of snapchatting back and forth, I got a text from Ethan and he asked me out on a date.


He invited me to come out to his area and tbh I had no idea how it was going to go. I was expecting to spend the night and all that but, who knows? Maybe we just wouldn’t vibe the way we used to.

I met him at his apartment and we had a couple of drinks. It was a little choppy at first but, the groove was setting in and I felt his leg press into mine. We were in business.

We walked down to the restaurant for dinner and kept catching up. Then after dinner, we went to an arcade bar and that’s when things started happening. Up until this point, I really wasn’t sure what the vibe was. I know we went in calling this a date but it had also been a year and a half. Could just be friends. Well, there was trivia that night and we grabbed a table off to the side. We were facing each other and that’s when he put his hands on my knees, touched my legs, and held my hand. It. Was. Happening.

At one point he asked me how long it would take for me to get home and I was vague about it. Wanted to gauge what his angle was. And then he invited me to stay over. It was on.

We held hands on the way back to his apartment and cuddled up on the couch. Then it happened. We kissed. And it was just as good as it was a year earlier.

That kiss quickly became a make out and he asked if I wanted to go upstairs. Here was the thing. I was on my period. So disclosed that nugget and was like, “If you’re down, I’m down. No pressure if it’s not your thing. Plenty of other things we can do“. I saw the gears turning but he wasn’t 100% sold yet. We did need to move though because there was no way his roommate wanted to see us going at it.

We shifted to his room and he gave me clothes to sleep in. We crawled into bed and quickly things started happening and he came out with,

“So period sex. I have never done it. What would it entail?”

“We can go in the shower. Put down a towel. Or, I can take a shit ton of Advil and we can wait an hour to see if the coast is any clearer. Whatever you want to do is fine”.

“Fuck it, I’ll grab a towel”.

And that was the night Ethan went from a boy to a man jk jk. I did appreciate that he went for it. Feel like that’s something that separates the pack.

I do have to say, idk who or what he did in the year we were apart but omg. Ethan had some moves. Choked me a bit. Kinda tossed me around. Just whole different vibe and I was into it.

When we woke up we immediately started cuddling, Ethan was so fucking cute and kept asking me if I had a good time. I didn’t understand why he kept checking and then I remembered I did cut him off out of nowhere last time so that may have had something to do with it.

We kept texting after I left which for me was something kinda new. Normally things go to shit after I fuck someone. For the first time, in a long time, I was happy and couldn’t wait to see him again.

Update: Newsies

Recap: I met a guy at a wedding and we had a spark.

What Happened:

It didn’t work out and I need to take a serious break from dating.

I can’t explain it but, I have this weird ability to identify exact moments where the energy shifts and someone pulls away. This time it happened the day after I saw his new apartment. After that day, the texting was drier than usual.

I tried to not let it get the best of me. We had been texting an awful lot beforehand so it may have just been time for us to chill a bit. As the weeks went on, the quality of texting got a little better and I relaxed a bit.

While I was traveling for work, I drunk-dialed him and asked when I could see his place now that it had decor. He said when I got back. We made plans for that Friday. Everything was good.

I was so excited. Probably way more than I should have been but, I was having a really shitty few weeks, and honestly our date was the one thing getting me through that period. I drove up to NH Thursday night. I was READY.

Well, he canceled the morning of.

His reason was legitimate. He got a steroid injection in his tailbone and was in some pain. Given everything that had been going on that week in my personal life, I was really upset about it. Probably more than I should have been. Just felt like the wind was taken out of my sails.

I offered to hang out with him at home but he didn’t take the bait. What bothered me most was the last time he canceled on me, he called me because if he texted me that he felt like I’d be like “THIS motherfucker” (which is true), so he wanted to reassure me that he wanted to see me, and we found an alternate time.

However, this time it was just a text with no reassurance or attempt to reschedule. Actually, he was going to be in Boston the next day for a concert but made no mention of us seeing each other even though I lived so close. Kinda odd but, whatever.

When he told me about the concert earlier that week, I let him know that he could stay at my place that night if he partied too hard. I didn’t expect him to take me up on it but, the night of he asked if he could stay over. I was out so I gave him my lockbox code.

He couldn’t get in so I Ubered home and everything seemed normal enough. He was drunk and I was still a little peeved from the day before but, the conversation was normal and we ended the night with some hot ass sex. Like really, put it in my top 5 of all time. He was affectionate with me in the morning. And we went on our merry way.

That’s when the next shift happened. The texting got stale and I was trying not to focus on it. But then I didn’t hear from him for over 24 hours from Thursday into that Saturday.

I had to be back in NH for the weekend and was doing a scan of the apps Friday night to see if there were funny ones of people my friends and I knew. And then I saw it. Ian’s profile with the “New Here” tag. Fuck. Me.

I’m a petty bitch so I right-swiped it. Wanted him to know that I knew.

He had some things going on in his personal life that weekend so I did send him a text on Saturday to the effect of, “Thinking of you, you got this, etc.” and he responded back that it meant a lot. I tried starting a conversation with him and it just didn’t go anywhere.

That night, I had a notification that I had a match and sure enough, it was him. So I was petty and sent him a message on Bumble. Sunday morning I woke up to a text.

Yes, I did leave him on read for a bit. There were events going on that day where I did not feel it was appropriate for me to be texting him about whatever the fuck we were doing.

I knew we hadn’t talked about exclusivity but, I did think it was odd he created a profile. Based on our conversations, he was pretty adamantly against the apps.

I just didn’t get wtf I did that caused such a shift. We talked an awful lot and in those conversations, he said things like, “You were a surprise…You’re someone I would take seriously…You’re a great person”, and all that shit. Just didn’t expect him to try to ice me out and ghost.

So wtf did I do that was so bad?

I never meet anyone in person. Most times, it’s my friends getting the attention at the bar while I just dance with some randos in a corner. It’s also been a minute since I’ve been excited about someone. So for me, this situation carried a different weight. Also, we knew the same people so I expected more.

Going into this situation, I knew the risks and the likely outcomes given the timing of us meeting. I was just really hoping I’d be wrong. It’s not that we had this major relationship and that’s why I am so upset. It’s that I genuinely liked him, felt a connection, and thought this time could be different.

I have spent the past several years hearing the same (well-intentioned) shit over and over.

  • “It will happen when you least expect it”
  • “It’s a numbers game”
  • “It’s just around the corner, I know it”

I have been living with “just around the corner” anticipation for a fucking long time and I am exhausted. I’ve put up the numbers and then some. I feel like I’m in this constant cycle of feeling like I can drop my guard and be vulnerable and then it immediately blows up in my face. Once I get a taste of safety, it just implodes and it sucks.

At this point, I can’t confidently say that I won’t meet someone but in that same breath, I can’t confidently say I will either. If I take another person out of the long-term equation, I’m not sure I’m living the life I need to feel fulfilled on my own.

So for now, I need to take a hiatus from dating and from writing so I can grow and heal from 100+ unsuccessful dates. I appreciate all the support over the years and I look forward to one day coming back. Here’s hoping I have something good for ya.

Encounter #102.2: Newsies

App: N/A

Name: Ian*

Date Location: Masa – Manchester, NH

Location Review:  4.0 Stars – The music in there is chaotic as shit and it’s great. Good selection of hibachi and sushi.

Date Duration: 4 hours

What Happened:

I was really happy that Ian came down to my place for some party I hosted the night after our first date. He looked cute, brought wine, was good about chatting with my friends, and he helped me clean up. We were up until 5 am just talking about any and everything.

We just kept talking and he asked me out again. I am embarrassed to say just how excited I was to see him. Like just full golden retriever energy. WHERE DID BAD BITCH LAURA GO? I knew the timing of us meeting wasn’t particularly stellar but, it had been a while since I was both physically and mentally attracted to someone.

We had a lot of fun. Conversation was easy and the witty banter was there. When the check came, he asked if I had ever seen the planes take off at the local airport. I hadn’t so we headed that way and I climbed into his car.

It shouldn’t be a shock to say that after 5/10 minutes of staring at the runway we made out. A lot. And it was good. Basement was flooded.

At that time, I was so over the apps and all the dating bullshit. Yes, Ian had baggage and I lived an hour away but, I enjoyed his company and he was just so different from anyone I had gone out with.

We were friends with the same people and knowing them and their character, I figured Ian had to be a decent person. So I paused all the apps. Either this was going to end well or I would find myself sliding down a wall, crying. Had to take the gamble.

Encounter #102.1: Newsies

App: N/A

Name: Ian*

Date Location: 815 – Manchester, NH

Location Review:  4.0 Stars – Pretty classy joint for the area. Ambience is on point and cocktails are tasty.

Date Duration: 5 hours

What Happened:

After Ian slid into the DMs, we shifted to text, and conversation was going well. Me being an impatient little hoe, I lied and said I had something to do in NH and asked if he would want to get drinks while I was there. He agreed and he officially got the upgrade from Situation to Encounter.

We decided to meet up at a speakeasy which was a classy move. I had to laugh because as we finalized a time, Ian told me how to get there and all this stuff. But, as I walked up from my car I saw Ian about 6 blocks down slightly lost.

He looked good. Given how much alcohol was consumed at the wedding, it was nice knowing that he was actually attractive.

We got one of the couches at the bar and just shot the shit for a few hours. I really don’t have anything juicy to report. Just good conversation.

There was a while where I wasn’t sure if he liked me or not. I kept touching his leg and it wasn’t reciprocated back. As the night went on we started people-watching and saw two couples get absolutely plastered. We were trying to talk about them discreetly and Ian leaned on me. Like whole side of his body. Interesting.

We decided to leave when one of the couples did (so we could see if they fell down the stairs) and we went to meet my brother and his friend at another bar. When the couple made it to the door, Ian turned to me and said “So I guess we should kiss now“. And we made out. And it was good.

As we went out the door he said I was a good kisser and my awkward ass responded with, “Thanks. I used to play the saxophone“. He busted out laughing on the street. Which then got me laughing. And tbh it was a main character moment.

We played cards with my brother for a bit and hung out at the bar after he left until the lights kicked on. I parked far away and Ian walked me back to my car. Thing was he parked by where we started. I wanted to suck his face off so I insisted on driving him back to his car since it was cold and people were kind of sketchy. He agreed.

When I pulled up to the parking garage he came out with the “So we should probably kiss right now” line again. And we did. And then we did again. And one more time. It was hot.

I was having a party at my apartment the next day and casually (or at least in my mind casually) asked him to come. He agreed. We were in business.