Situation #10.1: The Magician

Name: Mack*

What Happened:

Little known fact about me. I LOVE magic (not The Gathering. The bunny out of a hat kind). Like a lot. I feel like it’s one of the few times you get to experience that feeling of childhood wonder at any age and I can never figure out how the tricks are done. I had previously dated a guy who could do the BS close up magic and I would shit myself in excitement every time.

For my day job, we were hosting an event and hired a magician. No joke, this was my best day ever. Not only did I get to eat and drink for free before, the show had drag queens, one of the drag queens did all these songs I used to cover, AND THERE WAS A FUCKING MAGICIAN WHO WAS CUTE.

Even though it was my best day, no one else seemed as excited. The theatre could seat 200+ and there were maybe 30 attendees. Intimate AF show. He called for a volunteer, I shot my hand up, and he called me up. I can’t explain what happened next but I started crying because I was so happy. Then he asked me who my favorite magician was and I blurted, “ANDREW J. PINARD. HE’S FANTASTIC AND USED TO WORK AT NEWICK’S.” (Newick’s was a seafood restaurant in NH my family went to. The closest one to us closed 15+ years ago. I have seen him perform since and it is fucking magical!)

Mack did the trick and my mind was fucking blown. How did he guess my card? How did he slide my card up through a drawing of a card deck? Why doesn’t the paper have a slit? HOLY SHIT.

He signed the paper he drew on and I went back to my seat. After the show, my friend told me that she went to school with him and that I should hit him up since she thought he was single. I brushed it off.

Well, I got drunk a week later and thought FUCK IT. I followed him on Instagram. It didn’t take long for him to follow me back and he liked a photo from New Years Eve. It was fucking May. I got drunk again a week later and slid into his DMs.

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Well shit! We kept messaging back and forth and he mentioned that he didn’t receive our annual publication. I put one in an envelope with a post-it saying “Enjoy!” and sent his way. I got a little ballsy and messaged him to go out for drinks some time as well.

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He messaged me when he got the mail and gave me shit for my note because I “could be cuter”. I wrote a quick thank you note and sent it over.

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Things got more and more flirtatious.

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He apparently creeped my ass pretty hard. He saw all my old ventriloquism photos. Then things got even saucier.

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But then he would ghost and randomly come back from the dead.

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Then he’d message me again, get saucy, and cut out.

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I didn’t hear from him for weeks. Then he zombied back.

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DOUBLE MESSAGE? Interesting. I did notice a pattern though. It was almost always a Friday/Saturday night. At least one, if not both of us would be traveling. And, he always left the conversation hanging.  I did some creeping. He had been dating this girl for a long ass time and there was no clear indicator that they broke up. My friend was friends with him on Facebook and said he wasn’t in a relationship. Here’s the thing. I found her Instagram. It was private but her profile photo was a pic of the 2 of them. CURIOUS.

I had started seeing someone regularly so it didn’t feel right to respond anymore. That didn’t go over so well.

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He’s not the only one who can disappear.

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The Coworker: UPDATE

Name: Elijah*

Recap:

Elijah and I worked together several years ago and I kind of always thought there was something between us but I figured I was wrong. Plus, even if there was something, I was seriously dating someone at the time and our company was not about its employees getting together.

This year, he was in NYC and we had possibly the best date I had ever been on. He was so nice, I was so comfortable with him, and it ended it a solid ass kiss. Only thing was that he lived far away.

Update:

Despite the distance between us, Elijah still messaged me pretty consistently after our date and would get pretty flirty. I asked what he was up to one day and he said he had the day off and was on the beach. I responded with something along the lines of, “Oh, living the dream!” He countered with, “Not quite, the dream is to have you next to me.” WOAH. Damn. Alright.

About a month or so after his visit, I met up with my old boss (who happened to be best friends with Elijah when we all worked together.) We were catching up when he started with,

“So I heard you had a visitor…”

“Yeah, Elijah was in the city last month and we caught up. It was nice.”

“Oh I am sure he treated you sooooo nicely.”

“Yeah? I guess? …WHAT DO YOU KNOW?”

I gave the quick and dirty of what happened and then my boss said, “I don’t know if I should be telling you this but he has had the biggest crush on you. He would ask me all the time if he could just take you out on a date and I had to keep telling him no since you worked for me. I told him that y’all can hang out and be friends then after graduation he could do whatever.”

O.M.G. Wow. Holy shit. This blew my fucking mind. Like yes, I kinda always thought he had a crush on me but I also looked very different then, really didn’t give a fuck since I already had a boyfriend, and made no effort since said boyfriend lived far away. I was literally at my grossest and Elijah was that into me.

So many things started making sense. It wasn’t just that we would get food all the time. It was how he looked at me from across the table. It was how he would always stop by when I was working to “see my boss”. It was how he would check on me after a rough night at work. It was how he would text me over holiday breaks just to see how I was doing. It was how he was so happy to have taken a photo with me at our year end dinner. I was right all along.

A part of me felt like I had missed an opportunity from way back when. What would that date have looked like? Would we have lasted awhile? Would either of us have moved after? But, as much as I wonder I know I wouldn’t have wanted it at the time. I was so in love with my boyfriend and clearly my boss wouldn’t have let it happen. But sometimes when it’s late, I had a bad day, and I’m alone, I go to bed thinking “I WAS FUCKING RIGHT. YOU GOT A MAN AT YOUR UGLIEST. YOU GO LAURA.” And I wake up with the biggest smile.

Encounter #30.1: Leprechaun Pride

App: Tinder

Name: Sam*

Date Location: Blind Tiger

Location Review:  4.0 Stars – Despite the fact that the happy hour drinks were cheap, the reviews online were great, and the atmosphere was cool AF; the service was terrible so I only got to have 1 of those cheap happy hour drinks

Date Duration: 4 hours

What Happened:

When I saw Sam on tinder, my first thought was, “Damnnnnnn. Imma do some dirty shit to this fucker”. He looked really cute (especially with his shirt off) and gave the vibe that he was a half decent person. Low and behold, he messaged me and we chatted away.

We had a lot in common. Not only did we like the same shows and music but, he was moving to a block from where I worked, grew up in a similar town, did Crossfit,  was looking for a relationship, and had a similar family structure to mine since his oldest sister was gay. HOT DAMN.

I was excited to say the least. The past few dates I had been on weren’t great and it was refreshing to meet someone who shared similar values. After some research online, I picked a bar that was close to my train in case I hated him but once coming up into the city I forgot something very important. It was pride weekend and I just picked a spot in the neighborhood where all the festivities were happening.

After weaving through thousands of people (and apparently walking past Lady Gaga) I beat Sam to the bar. I waited and stared at every guy who walked by hoping he would be my date. Then I saw this shorter guy and though, “Ohh no”. It was Sam. And he looked way better in photos. FUCK. Alright, this may be fine, he wasn’t terrible looking. Then he opened his mouth to introduce himself and he sounded like a leprechaun who huffed helium. Shit.

Overall the date wasn’t terrible. I did have the best grilled cheese of my damn life. But I didn’t feel the connection. The conversation was choppy and there was never a moment where I thought, “Wow, I want to do this again.” Since I’m the worst, we ended up staying out for 4 hours. It wasn’t a bad time, definitely better than sitting on my couch by myself, but nothing to rave about.

He walked me to the train then again to the next train since one station was closed for Pride. It was nice of him and I kind of got the vibe that he was into me more than I was him. We hugged before parting ways and I could tell he had the best body under that t-shirt. DAMN IT WHY WAS HIS VOICE SO ANNOYING. We never spoke again. Back to the drawing board.

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Encounter #29.1: Venmo Me

App: Tinder

Name: Darren*

Date Location: No idea. Our original plan didn’t work out so we went somewhere around the corner

Location Review:  3.0 Stars – The playlist and vibe of the place was awesome but the food was weird. I got a salad and it was the full romaine leaves with cheese on it

Date Duration: 2 hours

What Happened:

Once a week Tinder will present you with four humans and you get a free super like to use. On occasion, I would take advantage but never had I received a like back.

That was until Darren. I was surprised to say the least. He was clearly more attractive than me, worked in IT so he was smarter, and he messaged me first. Interesting. Within a few messages he asked for my number, we made plans, and didn’t talk until that day. I can dig.

On the day of I texted to check in and see if we were still on. He said yes and we stuck to the plan. I met him at the bar and he looked just as good in person. (As a general note, I was getting over a sinus infection and my antibiotics temporarily left me deaf in one ear.) We walked through to find a spot but it was packed and small talk wasn’t working since I couldn’t hear jack shit. We went back outside, walked a few blocks, and settled on a new spot.

The place was kind of funky. Music was on point and their drink menu was cool. Only thing was that my date was a dick. He was a competitive ballroom dancer and was surprised I knew as much as I did and seemed slightly irked that I had this knowledge without also dancing competitively. My ex competed for years so I was familiar with every dance style, scoring, finding partners, popular competitions in the area, collegiate teams, Latin vs America Rhythm style, random ass ballroom things, and to top it off I danced socially in college. I knew my shit.

One part of knowing my shit is knowing the crowd ballroom dance attracts. You have your really weird people who wear fedoras casually, the technically trained assholes, people who only live and breathe ballroom, normal people, and then there’s this snooty subset that looks down on you no matter if you dance or not. This was Darren.

It wasn’t what he said. It’s how he said it. You could tell he thought he was hot shit. In addition to being a snooty dancer, he was also a snooty improv-er. Kill me.

What really did him in though was that he was no fun to be around in the least. He was tired (fair) but kept bringing it up. I offered to reschedule and he declined but instead bitched about how he was up until 5am that morning and is just so tired. He kept apologizing so I figured we would just do one round of drinks and leave. Fine. Oh no, he ordered food. WUT. If you’re trying to get home why are you ordering shit?

Then the check came. I grabbed my wallet, pulled the card out, started moving my hand to the opposite side of the table, and dropped the card. K. We’re splitting. Fine. But then at the last second he took my card out and said, “It’s easier if we just put it on mine. If it really means that much to you, you can Venmo me.”

UHMMMM.

Then he followed up with, “I just think that if you’re the person who asks for the date you should pay.” WHY DIDN’T YOU OPEN WITH THAT? Or even not say anything and just give me my card back? Bruh if you’re going to pay, don’t make me pull out my card, reach over, and almost knock over all the drinks. Just say, “I got this one” and leave it at that.

We left and he walked with me until he had to turn to get his train. He said we’d have a make up date since he was so tired. I kept his contact info for 3 days, didn’t hear anything, then blocked.

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Encounter #27.1: Artsy Fartsy

App: Hinge

Name: Morgan*

Date Location: Abba Bar &Grill and some radom ass taco place

Location Review:  2.0 Stars – Despite the fact that the happy hour drinks were cheap, the reviews online were great, and the atmosphere was cool AF; the service was terrible so I only got to have 1 of those cheap happy hour drinks

Date Duration: 3 hours

What Happened:

Once again, I agreed to a date just on the basis that the guy was a Patriots fan from Massachusetts. Morgan was from a town by where my uncle lived and we had a decent banter leading up to the date so I figured that I had nothing really to lose.

Morgan rolled up to the bar and he was cute. I could bench him and he was artsy fartsy, but he had a really nice face. Things started pretty normal. We went over the classic first date things and then there was a moment where I realized he had been talking nonstop and really didn’t ask me anything. He asked one question on how I learned ventriloquism and that was about it for the time we were at the bar.

I instead found out all about acting school, film school, his former roommates, his depression, personality quirks, oh and that he’s still not over the fact a girl from high school “cheated” on him. (She did shitty stuff but it didn’t seem to me that they were actually dating and it happened right at the beginning of whatever their situation was.)

I wanted to go home but he asked if I wanted pizza. Fuck. You got me. We ended up going to a Mexican place instead and split some nachos. When we were there I asked him what his online dating experience was like. It wasn’t good. He said that he pretty much swiped right on every girl on tinder, gets ghosted a lot, and had no idea why. HONEY. You unleash everything in the first 10 minutes and don’t show interest in the other person. Makes complete sense to me.

He did walk me to the train which was nice and for once I got out of a date without a make out. We hugged, I got on the train, umatched, and blocked.

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Encounter #26.1: Not. Fine.

App: Hinge

Name: Randall*

Date Location: Mr. Purple

Location Review:  2.0 Stars – Overrated AF. The view is fantastic but it will cost over $30 for 2 drinks.

Date Duration: 4 hours

What Happened:

Randall and I didn’t talk too too much leading up to the date (may have convinced him to quit his job though) but he seemed pretty normal for the most part. He did ask pretty early on why I was on Hinge and how long I had been single but he also said he wasn’t one for small talk so I let it go. He would have found out one way or another.

After some back and forth, he settled on a spot. First we were going to Mr. Purple, then he wanted me to go with him to his company happy hour (weird), then he quit his job so he thought it would be weird to go (but not weird to bring a first date), so we decided on Mr. Purple…again.

This place was bougie and overrated AF. I had tried going the week prior but the line was fucking ridiculous. It was one of those spots that you should really only go to for one drink and an Instagram photo. Aside from the view, there was not much else going on. The drinks were expensive and it didn’t seem like it could easily flip to give room for dancing. So you just drink and soak up your rich friend’s awesomeness or whatever.

He was attractive. In shape, nice eyes, muscular. But then he opened his mouth and I wanted to kill him. Off the bat he asked me what my deal breakers were. I said if someone doesn’t share the same political views. I explained that I come from a more “modern family”, I’m liberal AF, and it would be difficult to bring someone in to my life who doesn’t agree with my values. He then went on to say that being gay is a choice, he chose to be straight because he is acting on his own desires, but then back tracked to say that being gay is totally fine and people can’t help it. K.

Then he went on a long ass tangent on guns that made no damn sense, said he didn’t agree with Black Lives Matter, Obama wasn’t that great, and Trump “isn’t that bad”. It’s not necessarily wrong to have these views but, don’t try to tell me you’re on the same page as me politically and then come up with all that.

He also thought he was much smarter/more important than he was. Because he was in the navy, he started college a little later. He said his professors were astounded that he knew about the recession and all this other stuff because he was 24 taking classes. Really? Calm yourself. I’m sure they weren’t all that amazed and it wasn’t that big a deal. I’m 2 years younger than you and I also know about that shit. YOU AINT SPECIAL.

Randall made it clear that he was looking for something serious and wanted to settle down. Thing is I didn’t think he knew what that meant. He said he knew what it took to be a great boyfriend. Uhmmm, he only had one major relationship which lasted 5 months. He also made some comment like, “You seem like you’re looking for something serious. I feel like you make a good girlfriend.” YA. I was only in a relationship for 6 years and 4 of those years were long distance, I’ve been single awhile, and have dated every asshole in a 10-mile radius. I’m not new to this rodeo.

Every time Randall spoke it reminded me of a boy who wanted so badly to be a man if that makes sense. He wanted to seem so suave, confident, and worldly but really he was a boy spitting out hot air. We talked about “the window” when you’re on a date. Like the moment you kiss. He asked how I knew if there was a window or not and I said something like, “If you have to wonder if the window is open or if you missed it, it probably wasn’t open in the first place. When you’re vibing with someone you just know when the moment is right and you don’t have to think.” He then grilled me on if he had missed his window with me. At this point, I just wanted to fuck with him and said that he had a clear shot earlier when we were standing outside. (It was sunset, slight breeze, he may have been annoying but it was romantic.)

He was bothered that I wasn’t 100% into him and then tried to make it SO CLEAR he was into me. He pulled my chair to be closer to him, put his hand on my knee, held my hand, put his arm on my chair with his hand on the back of my neck, and then we kissed. He was a good kisser, but then he would talk and it would be all over.

Randall and I covered sex that night. He was apparently “very good” because he could move his hips separately from the rest of his body, his oral game was strong, had a body count over 60, and he (allegedly) had a 9 inch dick. Thank you. Needed all that on the first date. Oh, and I forgot to mention that HE DOESNT USE CONDOMS AND LIKES TO FINISH INSIDE A GIRL. Okay, just asking to get a girl pregnant. He felt like you only use a condom with a girl you’re not serious with. No. No. No. I brought up that for me it’s non-negotiable. Pregnancy and STDs are a thing and my life has been pretty great so far without either.

The clincher for Randall was in our last hour or so together. We kissed already. Fine it happened. Then he started planning our lives together. He wanted to be “a power couple like Jay-Z and Beyonce” and maybe one day he could meet my parents. He could show me the world of rooftop bars, little black dresses, and fine dining while I would show him the world of dive bars and farming. (No joke. That was said.) He went to the bathroom and asked if I’d come with him. No? I don’t want to hook up in a public bathroom with you. When he got back we kissed again but he got more aggressive. He grabbed my ass (fine), started feeling me up and commented that he could feel that I was wearing nice underwear (less fine), slid his hands under my dress to continue to feel up my ass (not so fine), then smacked my ass. NOT. FINE.

It was time for me to go. He asked how I was getting home. I said that I was taking the PATH train back home. By myself. And he would take his train back home to his place. By himself. Randall said he “wouldn’t expect anything less”. He then threw in that he was going to stay because a friend was meeting him but not to worry, he wouldn’t talk to any girls. I mean I was leaving to get drunk and try to make out with more boys. But whatever helps you sleep at night, Randall.

Within 5 minutes of leaving he sent a text saying “I had a great time tonight!” I left him on read. The next day I figured it was time to send “the text”. I unmatched him on Hinge, crafted my message, sent it, then immediately blocked him. He had read receipts on. Motherfucker saw that text IMMEDIATELY after I sent it. He had an iPhone so there was always the possibility a message would come through on iMessage on my laptop. Fortunately, the coast was clear and I was reminded to block THEN text.

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Situation #9.1: Fleet Week 2K18

What Happened:

Fleet Week is a magical week in NYC where sailors, marines, and coast guardsmen come into the city and we all get some military ass.

My Fleet Week started slow to say the least. I was sick that Friday night so couldn’t go out until Saturday. While I was sick at home, I swiped through Tinder like a fucking mad woman. I had not had decent action in awhile and truly I wasn’t entirely opposed to a one night stand with a guy who hadn’t seen a woman in months. I matched with this guy who was incredibly out of my league and was only in the city for the weekend. We exchanged numbers and decided that we would try to meet up at the same bar over the weekend.

Saturday night my friend and I went out in the city and found ourselves at Hair of the Dog. It was ratched AF. We were watching the basketball game and during breaks would look around to see where the crowd was at. About an hour in we saw them. Sailors. But we were not the only ones. Within seconds girls were all over them, wearing their hats, and trying to get pics for instagram. Upon further review, not one of these men was attractive so I ended up talking to a civilian, he took my number, and then I was weird. I was about to leave and couldn’t tell if he wanted to kiss or not. So we went in for the hug and my drunken mind thought it would be a great idea to kiss him on the cheek. I missed. Got the guy’s neck. OH WELL.

Since Saturday was a bust and it was a long weekend, we figured Sunday could be our redemption. We went out to the first bar with no luck. Moved to the one next door and saw those white uniforms. Perf. We got our beers and found a free table to watch the basketball game. The guys we were sitting with were all Cavaliers fans and one in particular would not shut the fuck up. Somehow, he ended up with my number. While we worked on our beers, the guy I matched with on Tinder let me know where he and his friends were headed and it wasn’t too too far from where we were. We downed our beers and made the trek over.

This bar was weird. It looked like a hallway that got converted to a shitty club because some kid had a bean bag chair and some dj equipment. The music was bad but we were a little turnt, wanted to dance, and I was waiting for Tinder guy to show up.

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Then everything happened so fast. My friend and I were dancing and probably 7 minutes into us being there both of us ended up with a marine. He and I danced for a minute and then he asked if I wanted a drink. I agreed and we got beers. The bar had slightly better lighting and I got a glimpse of his face. He was cute. Somehow age came up and he asked how old I thought he was. I guessed 20/21. He said 22. (Upon finding his instagram, he was actually 19). No joke, I don’t think he ever needs to shave. He then guessed my age and came up with 22. I’m 25 AKA grandma status.

Even though he was young, he explained that he was the highest ranked marine in the bar and was a gunner. Holy. Shit. This child had more balls than I ever will. I asked why he joined and he said “This” while motioning to the crowd. “It’s seeing everyone so happy and knowing I’m making it possible for them.” We kept talking and he said he was going to be shipped out to Syria in a year. FUCK. …then I gave him my number and we crushed some jagerbombs as one does.

We moved back out to the dance floor and were making out in seconds. He pressed me against the dj booth, felt me up, said how hot I was, sucked on my neck, and left a hickey while I ran my hands down his back and kissed his neck. He was ripped.

Despite me having a great time, my tinder “date” was not as amused.

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OH WELL.

My friend’s marine sucked so she said she was leaving. I had to leave my guy but it was a little difficult to do. That make out was really hot. When I got outside I couldn’t find her so I figured I’d call a Lyft and start heading out. The second I pulled my phone out another marine appeared to smoke a cigarette. He was a leaner guy who was maybe 5’9″. Truthfully, I couldn’t tell how attractive he was because the brim of his hat sat so low on his forehead but he didn’t look too too bad. He shared some fun nuggets of info. The one I distinctly remember was that he said, “Gay shit happens. No really, when you’re out there that long…I’ve cuddled with some guys before. It happens.”

Fam, I don’t know how this next part happened but in what felt like 2 minutes we were making out hard on the street, he gave me his number, and he was so fucking close to getting a hotel room. But alas, the Lyft got there before he could do anything else.

In the Lyft, I thought it would be a great idea to drunk text. Keep in mind, we have the guy from Saturday I was waiting on, the creepy guy, and 2 marines.

When I got this text, I was with my first marine and I thought it was the guy from the night before. After some beer, jagerbombs, and a few hours I then thought it was the first marine.

6…it was the creepy guy. FUCK.

I couldn’t remember the second marine’s name so when I opened my phone I saw a guy’s name and deduced it was his.

7.jpgWell that went well.

I was bummed. I really thought I would get at least one guy to text me that weekend. But low and behold, in the final hours I got an add on Snapchat and my marine came through.

89Thanks for the adventures Fleet Week. Until next time.

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Situation #8.1: The Coworker

Name: Elijah*

Date Location: Miriam Restaurant Brooklyn Museum

Location Review: 3.0 Stars – Super crowded for brunch. His food wasn’t too flavorful or anything to ride home about but I loved my bacon, egg, and cheese on a croissant.

5.0 Stars – Super affordable, not one of those museums where you feel like a privileged asshole, nice exhibits

Date Duration: 6 hours

What Happened:

Elijah and I were former coworkers with a slight history. Nothing ever happened between us because I had a boyfriend at the time and our company was not one for coworkers to date. That said, I had always felt like there was something between us. Even if it was small. There’s no particular instance to reference but I remember him caring more than he should have about me. He would text me almost daily, we would eat dinner together fairly regularly, had deep conversations, and I did go up to his apartment once to cook him some of my family’s food. (Granted I got weirded out and made some of my other coworkers come over as a buffer.) It all sounds like regular friend stuff but there was something different about the way he would go about it.

He was a really attractive guy and I would joke all the time to my friends about him. “Ohh you know if I was single I’d hit that…“, “UGH. Elijah is so hot…”, “He can get it!” By the time we both left our positions I had moved back to NH to be with my then boyfriend and he moved abroad.

Once in awhile he would slide into my DMs. We would chat a little but no major conversations were had. Then, he let me know that he was coming to NYC and wanted to catch up. OH HOT DAMN. We compared schedules and the day was set.

Going in I had no idea what to expect. Not only was I hung over as shit to the point that life felt like an out of body experience, I looked like a one night stand with my hair from the night before, and I had limited contact with him for the past 3 years. WAS THIS A DATE OR JUST FRIENDS? FUCKKKK.

Elijah strolled up while I was sitting on a curb trying not to puke my brains out. He looked hot AF. We hugged and took our seats for brunch. Since I was trying not to puke I basically was company for Elijah while he ate. We caught up on life and I really had no idea where the day was going to go. At one point he looked up, smiled at me, said “I’m really happy I got to see you”, and touched my leg. A bug was flying close by so I wasn’t sure how to gauge that leg thing. But shit. That smile. DAYUM.

It was such a beautiful day that we met my friend for a walk in the park. She dropped us off at the Brooklyn Museum and we worked our way through the exhibits (and a lot of vagina art).

At one point he made a comment of, “Oh I know what you’ve been up to. I won’t lie. I kind of stalk you on Instagram.” OKAY ELIJAH. We took a few selfies and I felt as if his body was closer to me than normal. But then again he was about 80 feet tall so he probably had to be that close since I was so short. Every time we approached a door, he opened it and guided me through ahead of him with his hand on the small of my back. Then later on he was taking photos but since we had a Facebook chat going my profile picture was pulled as an icon on the side of the screen. He said something along the lines of, “Now every time I take a picture I get to look at your sexy legs.” Maybe this was a date?

We went through a few of the exhibits and high fived. Then instead of letting my hand drop by my side, he held it. OH. SHIT. I WAS ON A DATE. My stomach had butterflies and everything. While staring at an old tv he came up behind me, rested his chin on my shoulder, pressed his face into my neck, and I felt his entire body envelope me. It sounds ridiculous, but it had been awhile since I was touched in such an affectionate way. In a way that didn’t feel transactional or as a step to something else and was so genuine. I was so happy.

We left the museum holding hands and we walked to a park nearby. He had his arm around me on the bench while I ate my sandwich left over from brunch then we just sat there chatting and taking in everything. I had forgotten just how kind and smart he was.

His brother was in Bryant Park and it was about time I dragged my ass back to NJ so we took the train back to Manhattan together. On the way to the train station, we had our arms around each other as we walked and when he would lean in to look at the photos I took on the way he would stand close with his hand on my back. On the train it continued. We were both holding onto the overhead bars and he pulled me into him before holding my hand again.

We reached our station where we both had change overs. We hugged and the whole time I wondered if he was going to do it. Would we finally kiss? After 5 years of tension, HE FUCKING DID IT. ELIJAH KISSED ME. And oh my goodness it was good. So soft. Right amount of suction. Just enough tongue. Then we went our separate ways.

I knew it would never work between us. He lived abroad, I don’t do long distance, and it was just one day. But it restored my hope in humanity. For so long I had questioned if my standards were too high, I was being too picky, these guys I had been going out with were fine, and I was just looking for a problem. I was so sick of being treated like an after thought and here Elijah was genuinely making me feel like I was the only person who mattered in that moment. I needed to know that still existed and I don’t think he’ll ever know just how much I needed that day with him.

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