Encounter #101.1: In the Navy

App: Hinge

Name: Maurice*

Date Location: Fogo de Chao – Boston, MA

Location Review:  5.0 Stars – Holy shit. Amazing. Expensive but, so fucking worth it.

Date Duration: 3 hours

What Happened:

Maurice’s opener was “What Boston restaurant have you been meaning to try but haven’t been to yet?” I said “Fogo de Chao but my bank account says no”. And then he followed up with reservation details so we were in business.

He was a Naval Officer who went to the Academy and was now going to MIT so he was wicked fucking smart. The messages on the app were fine but I really didn’t know what to expect since he was an engineer and that’s always a toss-up.

I beat him to the restaurant and when he walked up, it was a no. He had the UnderArmour polo tucked in so god damn tight and the haircut just screamed “Dad”. All he needed was a pair of New Balances and he would have been ready for the family cookout. But maybe he would bring it at dinner and his personality would shine?

It didn’t. He was boring as shit. “Have any siblings?” Yeah. Mmmmm kay. What am I supposed to do with that? Just hours of me grilling his ass because he couldn’t hold a conversation properly.

To top it off, everyone at the restaurant thought we were there for our anniversary. So that wasn’t awkward at all.

The check came and no one moved. I kept chatting but nothing happened. The restaurant started closing down so it was time. I suggested we close out and I started making moves to my bag. I got the card. I put it down. And he took that thing and put it in the book with his. FUCK. $90 I will never see again.

I was ready to call time of death but he refused to let me take the train by where we were since I’d have to do a transfer. Not a big deal AT ALL but he just wouldn’t let it go. So now I was locked into a 15-minute walk with the most boring man in the world.

To make matters worse, we were taking the same train line in opposite directions and my train’s doors closed as soon as we got to the platform. Queue another awkward 15 minutes.

By the time I got home, there was a message in my Hinge inbox with his phone number. I politely declined and he said to keep the number in case I changed my mind. I was good.

Encounter #76.1: Navy

App: Tinder

Name: Kurt*

Date Location: Dovetail – Charlestown, MA

Location Review:  4.5 Stars – Drinks were great. Food was tasty. Would 1000% go back.

Date Duration: 6 hours

What Happened:

Kurt appeared to be cute in his profile and was someone who not only could keep a conversation going on the app but, he kept it interesting. He asked unique questions and it seemed like he truly wanted to get a sense of who I was, my values, and what I was looking for. Not bad.

He gave me a date and place to meet and when I saw the menu I was pretty excited. I don’t normally drive down to Boston during the week but for that menu, I could make an exception. He beat me to the restaurant and as I approached him it looked like he put some real effort into his appearance that day. My dude had a fitted button down, nice pants, whole thing.

Overall Kurt was really kind. He grew up with a single mom and very much respected women because of that. He had an interesting history and it was clear he really had to bust his ass to get where he is now. He used to do video editing for a local college back in Denver but with COVID had to shift gears and decided to join the Navy.

Despite that, there was just something off. I didn’t know if he was just an awkward person or if it was because he was from the midwest but it just wasn’t working for me. He also had an interesting dating history in that he didn’t have any whatsoever and he did tell me that he was a virgin. Nothing wrong with that but, just not something I am looking to jump into.

He walked me to my car at the end of the night and we hugged good bye. Because he was so nice I felt like I should text him rather than ghost. I said my piece, let him down easy, and that was the end of that.