Encounter #94.1: The Dentist

App: Hinge

Name: Martin*

Date Location: Magoo’s Ice Cream – Rockland, MA

Location Review: 3.0 Stars – Decent mini-golf course and good ice cream. Not a flashy spot but it gets the job done.

Date Duration: 3 hours

What Happened:

It’s not that there was a lot of lead-up between Martin and me matching to when we met up. It was a fucking eternity.

We chatted on Hinge for over a month. During that time I went to DC, VA, FL, a wedding, turned 29, and got COVID. Lived a fucking lifetime. Overall, Martin was fun enough to talk to. He had just finished dental school and was studying to take his licensing exam. Lived a few towns over from me and came off normal. So when he asked me to hang out, didn’t have a reason to say no.

We went mini-golfing and he was cuter than his pics would have led me to believe. Very tall, and clearly had a nice body. I kicked his ass at golf and he wanted to keep hanging out so we got ice cream. Conversation was still okay but we were definitely running out of things. We decided to call it a night and he walked me to my car and we hugged.

In the days following the date, I picked up on the fact that he was not a consistent texter which I just don’t have time for. But, I kept thinking back to the fact that he was freaky active. I don’t mean go to the gym for 2 hours a day. I mean multiple spin classes followed by going to a climbing gym followed by a run. So that was weird. Not sure how to decipher that but smells like some kind of disorder.

In the end, I just wasn’t interested in pursuing it further so may have ghosted him and never heard from him again.

Encounter #73.3: Home Team

App: Tinder

Name: Owen*

Date Location: Mel’s Funway Park, Pipe Dream Brewing & Buffalo Wild Wings – Litchfield, Londonderry, & Manchester, NH

Location Review:  3.5 Stars – It’s decent. I like tacky ass theme golf so Mel’s doesn’t quite deliver on that but still a solid mini course.

4.0 Stars – Good vibes. Good beer.

N/A – It’s a BWW.

Date Duration: 5 hours

What Happened:

It had been over a month since the last time I saw Owen. His work schedule sucked plus we were both out of town on the weekends. But, we did text every day in the time between and it seemed like we both wanted to see each other.

Because of this long delay, Owen felt kinda bad and said he wanted to make it up to me with a cheesey ass date. OH OKAY OWEN I SEE YOU. We picked mini golf and talked trash in the days leading up. This was going to be the match to end all matches.

We didn’t end up keeping track of scores. We gave ourselves fake names, dicked around, and spoke in Australian accents as the other went up to putt. He looked especially handsome that day so I was a bit distracted and we hadn’t seen each other in so long that there was a lot to cover.

It was hot as balls that day so after sweating our asses off we needed beer. Just like last time, it was easy to connect. I don’t even remember what exactly we talked about but there weren’t any awkward pauses. Really, I wish I had more juicy details to share but it was nice conversation with a good human. He did end up keeping our scorecard though.

Things did get spicy though when the bar closed down. Since it was a Sunday, the brewery closed early. Owen walked me to my car and asked if I was up to anything. I didn’t have plans. He didn’t have plans. So we decided to have no plans together. He was really craving wings so we decided to go to another spot. It was then in broad ass daylight we made out in the parking lot. He got a little spicy here. I was wearing shorts and I felt him slide his hand up my leg a bit. Oh baby.

When we got to Buffalo Wild Wings, we were definitely a bit closer than we normally were in that when we sat down at the bar, our legs and arms were touching. I am 1000% a physical touch person so small things like that go a long way in my book. Things were looking promising.

I will admit, I went into this date with full expectation to fuck. Provided that we weren’t awkward from not seeing each other, I figured it would happen. I showed up shaved and with extra underwear and condoms in my purse. It was getting late for him so it was time for us to wrap up. He gave me his arm (what a gent), walked me to my car, and we started getting into it.

Owen had a bit more edge than I thought so instead of just kissing me this time, he had me laid out on the side of my car. Alright, basement flooded. However, we were in a mall parking lot and very exposed. For those who have been long time readers, you know that this is my norm. I will lick anyone anywhere. However, I have noticed that making out in a parking lot in NH is a bit more exposed than sucking someone’s face on a street corner in NYC. Like people were flicking their lights at us and yelling shit from their windows as they drove by.

I think Owen knew where I was pushing things to go but it was late and he really needed to go to bed. He did say that we needed to set up a sleepover soon though. *Sigh* I s’pose I could hold out a little longer. (Low key though, I was fine with this. There was a moment where I realized he ate spicy wings and I wasn’t sure how that was going to pan out on my bits if we fucked. Rather not burn my kitty). We eventually went our separate ways home but as soon as I pulled into my driveway I saw a text from him and smiled like a fucking loser.

Encounter #75.2: Shmeh

App: Bumble

Name: Marty*

Date Location:  Pipe Dream Brewing & Mel’s Funway Park – Londonderry & Litchfield, NH

Location Review:  3.5 Stars – It’s decent. I like tacky ass theme golf so Mel’s doesn’t quite deliver on that but still a solid mini course.

4.0 Stars – Good vibes. Good beer.

Date Duration: 4 hours

What Happened:

Marty and I had a decent enough time when we went out the first time so even though I wasn’t 100% sold and into him, figured it was worth giving him another shot. He was golfing in my area of the state so we decided to get a few beers when he wrapped.

I wish I had more for you but really it was just meh. We kinda just covered the same things we talked about during our first date. We were talking trash about each other’s golf games though and he brought up going to Mel’s for some mini golf.

Game was fine. We kept dicking around and things got slightly more flirtatious but nothing too exciting. He touched my lower back and that’s about it.

When we left he did make a comment that our dates were getting expensive and it was like $60 every time we went out. Here’s the thing. I really don’t care how much money a guy has. BUT if you can’t afford to do something, don’t ask me to do it with you. We didn’t have to go golfing. We didn’t even have to get beers. We could have grabbed coffee and gone for a walk. That one is on you Marty.

Later that night he asked me if I’d come over and watch a movie. Declined that invite. In the following days sent the text saying “You’re great but not for me” and he felt the same. We never spoke again.