Encounter #61.1: Quaran-Bae

App: Hinge

Name: Damien*

Date Location: FaceTime

Location Review: N/A

Date Duration: 4 hours

What Happened:

Thanks to that damn bitch Corona, Damien and I were left to meet on FaceTime. It seemed promising. The conversation leading up was really good and we smoothly went from app to texting which is rare. Then it came to talk.

The “date” was good. He was 30, worked in banking, and had recently moved back home to the Bronx so he could save money for a house. He was in a frat in college, was looking to one day get married, and I was his first dating app experience.

What started as a “let’s just talk for 20 minutes” turned into a 4 hour affair. He kept asking questions and for once I didn’t have to carry the team in that respect. One thing I did think was weird was that he kept asking what I thought of him physically. TBH, he was okay looking. I mean definitely not bad looking by any means but just wasn’t my thing. Kinda looked like a jacked fat guy in that he probably only lifts and never hits cardio so even though there is a lot of muscle there, he didn’t have much tone. Also his voice was so annoying. Wow. Did not fit his body.

He also thought I was the best thing since sliced bread. I mean yeah, you’re not wrong but, this is a bit of an art form. You can’t come on too strong and start planning that we’re going to date. In the first encounter I just need to know you’re interested and somewhat normal not getting ready for our wedding.

I figured I owed him a second chance. It was low effort on my end since it was just FaceTime but as the days went on I was less and less interested. He kept doubling texting me if I didn’t respond quickly and being in quarantine, there’s not much to report out on your day to day.

We FaceTimed one more time for maybe 15/20 minutes since I was tired but that marked the end of our quarantined romance.

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Encounter #60.1: Coffee

App: Hinge

Name: Liam*

Date Location: The Roost Outpost – Hoboken, NJ

Location Review:  3.0 Stars – Given that I was only in there for 2 minutes because #Corona I can’t give it a fair review. It looked cute and the coffee was fine.

Date Duration: 4 hours

What Happened:

Liam and I met up right before shit got real in NJ thanks to Coronavirus. At this point in time, parks were open and you could still see other people as long as you were 6 feet apart.

Over Hinge, Liam seemed cool. He was quick and decently funny. In person, not as much. We got our coffees and pretty quickly it was clear we weren’t going to be a match. There were uncomfortably long silences between sentences.

Liam has some slight interesting points to him. He originally went to school to be a doctor but ultimately changed paths and did computer science. He lived right on Washington Street in Hoboken so he was in the thick of the scene and considering how much he paid in rent, the place had to have been nice. Truthfully those were the most interesting things we covered.

We walked along the river in Hoboken and over to one of the dog parks. Truthfully I think we were out as long as we were because we were both bored and had started our self-quarantines.

He walked me to the train and we never spoke again.

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Encounter #59.1: The Wrestler

App: Hinge

Name: Rhett*

Date Location: The Cuban – Hoboken, NJ

Location Review: 4.5 Stars – Really nice spot where you can hear each other and it just feels warm and romantic

Date Duration: 3-4 hours

What Happened:

Almost immediately after matching on Hinge, Rhett asked for my number and we got to it. Even though we didn’t message much, he seemed weird and my flavor of funny.  Plus he lived in Hoboken a few buildings down from one of my friends so there was a huge convenience factor.

He walked in and was definitely attractive. Like I would consider slightly out of my league but THERE WE WERE. We started drinking and conversation was wicked easy. He also hated making small talk over text so we had tons of stuff to cover.

He worked in some kind of tech sales and clearly came from money. He went to one of the most expensive private high schools in our area, grew up in a BOUGIE town in NJ, and while we were on our date his family was sitting in box seats at Madison Square Garden. Casual. He told me that when he was in high school he just had to get a job to get a car. Meaning he did not have to succeed in this job and save money. Literally all someone needed to do was say “You’re hired!” and his dad would buy him a decent car. WHAT.

Money aside, he was fucking cool. We kept roasting each other and for the first time in awhile, I was enjoying myself. I noticed his ear was all fucked up and asked if he wrestled growing up. He said jokingly responded, “Oh yeah, just point out my deformities. It’s cool. But yeah, good catch.”

At one point he asked how I liked the bar. I told him it was nice and it had been awhile since the last time I was there. He then told me he wanted to pick somewhere where we could actually talk, hear each other, and get to know the other. A boy planned a date?! WTF.

He did have some red flags though. He had told me about a few of his past relationships and a few things stuck out. He had cheated before which I could get over but more importantly, he had broken up with a girl because she wanted to get married one day which was a bit real for me. It was the first date so I figured I’d get to know him a bit better before judging anything.

We eventually moved from the bar to a table because he didn’t want to keep craning his neck to look at me. Before we could move, we had to close out the bar tab. I went to get my card to pay and he immediately shooed it.

Conversation continued at the table (and I even got some snacks). At one point he coyly looked down then back up at me and said, “So I had fun. I mean if you’d want to do this again I’d be down”. I agreed.

The bartender seemed pretty keen on getting out so we closed out (he paid again) and he walked me to my Uber a few blocks down. When we got to the car we kissed. It was really good. He knew what he was doing, I could feel how muscular his back was through his shirt, and he smelled amazing.

He had told me straight up that he was a shitty texter so I didn’t really expect much from him after the date. The Sunday after our date I asked if he was free and would want to meet up again. He agreed and we decided on the Tuesday of that week with the intention of solidifying plans the day of.

Tuesday rolled around so I followed up. 91531239_3092566164089135_4134750722208038912_n.jpg

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Never heard from again.

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Encounter #56.1: Soccer “Star”

App: Hinge

Name: Ben*

Date Location: Smithfield Hall

Location Review:  3.5 Stars – If I liked soccer this bar would be cool. Other than that, pretty much your typical spot.

Date Duration: 1.5 hours

What Happened:

Going in, I didn’t know much about Ben aside from that he just tried out for pro soccer teams. That said, he seemed fun and positive so when he asked me out I said yes.

I met him at the bar and when he walked up I was surprised to say the least. For someone who had just come back from trying out for soccer teams he wasn’t quite in the shape I pictured.

Well, fuck it. He was from Massachusetts so maybe we’d have something to talk about? NOPE. Dead on arrival. This guy was boring AF and was really just turning oxygen into carbon dioxide. For like 80% of the night he was looking at the soccer game on the screen behind my head.

I tried. I really did. From what I gathered he had been training for these try outs for like 4 months. So I was then more confused as to how he was in the shape he was in and, more importantly, how the fuck he was paying for his apartment in Flatiron. WTF. Something wasn’t adding up. Either he wasn’t training full time like he said or, he had a sugar mama.

After a beer he started to slightly redeem himself. He apparently memorized my whole profile so he more or less grilled me on my photos. That said, there was no saving it. We got the check and he walked me to the train. We hugged and went our separate ways.

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