Update: Back on my bullshit

Hot Girl Summer ended? Time for Thotumn. Ship, Hinge, Bumble, The League, and Tinder. It’s going to be a fucking ride but this time, we’re wearing seatbelts.

So I present to you my 10 Commandments of Dating. I mean they’ll probably go out the window when I’m drunk and desperate but a bitch gotta try.

  1. Projects cannot becometh relationships
  2. If thou art not feeling it, fucking leaveth
  3. If ‘t be true thy date sucks balls, kisseth not that gent to saveth the courtship
  4. If ‘t be true thou art not excit’d to go out with that gent, fucking cancel
  5. Nay to sex on the second date
  6. Thy gent wilt has’t a savings account
  7. A sir at each moment sayeth what that gent means. Twisteth not to heareth what thee wanteth
  8. If ‘t be true thee cannot standeth his family, fucking runneth
  9. Thee cannot beest his sugar mama
  10. Thy gent wilt maketh thee cum

Here goes fucking nothing.

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Encounter #40.5: The One Where We Break Up

Well, your favorite skank is back.

I know, I really didn’t think I’d be back here either. Jared* and I had something special. We loved each other to a depth I had never thought possible…but sometimes that’s not enough.

I had gone back and forth on if I wanted to write this. For awhile I kind of wanted to keep it private but then I felt like I’d be lying. I was 100% honest about falling in love, it’s only fair to be honest about falling out of it.

So. Here we go. Put on some Adele, pour a glass of wine, and buckle up for the bullshit.

A few things to note:

  • It had been a tough year for Jared but things were starting to really turn around at the time of the break up.
  • I wanted to get married in the next 4-6 years and he didn’t know what he wanted. Every time the marriage conversation came up, it would end with me sobbing and Jared feeling awful.

With this in mind, I immediately started to panic when I received a text saying we had to have the discussion we were putting off. For 2 hours I sat in my apartment trying not to throw up but when he came up to my door without a bag and the worst face, I knew.

We moved to my room and sat on the bed. No kiss to say hi or anything. He didn’t speak so I said, “Well if you’re going to do it, just get it over with.” He then said, “We need to break up.”

And then my world stopped.

I don’t remember what exactly was said when but, it came down to that he couldn’t give me what I wanted and it wasn’t fair to me. That I deserved someone who put me on a pedestal the same way I did for them and wants to talk to me as much as I want to talk to them. The thing was I never thought I wasn’t getting that.

The main point he kept bringing up was I wanted to get married and he didn’t know if he wanted that too. We had gone to a few weddings and they essentially were the nail in the coffin for our relationship. He saw how excited my friends were to take the next step and how much they loved each other but he didn’t feel the same about me.

Listen buddy. It’s someone’s fucking wedding day. You bet your ass those motherfuckers are going to be excited AF to be marrying each other because they just spent like $30,000 on a god damn party. This is the day where you’re the most in love. You can’t compare your day to day relationship to a couple on their wedding day because you’ll lose every time.

There were a few other things peppered in like we weren’t “100% compatible” and had different senses humor. I mean that’s not true for anyone BUT OKAY.

Still, I begged him to stay and take it all back which wasn’t my best moment. I only wanted to be with him and I was so sure I had found my person. Everything I had wanted up to that point I felt I had and it fucking destroyed me that he didn’t see what I saw.

He held me the whole time as I sobbed and tried to change his mind. He said our relationship “hadn’t progressed forward” and so I doubled down. He was moving in a month and I said I’d get my car, pack it up, and move with him. I didn’t care. Don’t want to get married? Fine. I’d live. He said no.

Probably about an hour into my bullshit I realized that it was truly over. I remember between sobs looking into his eyes and having a moment of clarity. He was done. He was going to leave and I wouldn’t see or speak to him ever again. I’d have to date again. Fuck that noise. Text someone for days, meet up, and be disappointed? NOPE. Then came round two of full out sobbing.

During all this, I heard my roommate in the kitchen while he and I reached the point where we were ready to be done with the sob fest. I didn’t want her to see me looking like a fucking shit show so we laid on the bed and cuddled one last time.

I told him how much I loved seeing him with my family and that’s what made me want babies with him. I just loved him so fucking much I wanted to put more of him in the world. He told me that I was the best girlfriend he ever had and I did everything right…but like apparently not because here I am writing about my god damn break up. BUT I DIGRESS.

He kept saying that I was going to meet someone who would make me so happy. That his psychic/medium mother confirmed it. I just wanted to meet Jared all over again and relive everything. To see his face light up the way it did on our first date. To hug him again while he did the dishes. I wanted all of it.

When we broke up, I asked for him to mail me my things. He said he’d reach out in 2 weeks in case I wanted to meet so I could get closure. That fucking pissed the living shit out of me. I didn’t want to see him. He fucking ruined my life. Stop trying to be the nice guy and own up to the fact that you fucking wrecked me. Also JUST GIVE ME MY SHIT.

By the week 2 mark, I was feeling “fine”. I more of less felt numbed out but I was able to go to work and enjoy time with friends. I walked out the door at lunch for a doctor’s appointment and I saw his name pop up on my phone. Everything went black for a second and I felt my stomach flip.

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I probably shouldn’t have said that but god damn, I wanted him to fucking hurt. He knew I wanted to get the fuck out of New Jersey the entire time we were together. If he wanted to really do “the right thing”, he would have dumped me before I renewed my lease.

I sobbed when I got home. Hard. But it was weirdly comforting knowing I got my dig in. I said everything I needed to in less than 10 words.

About a week later, I felt the urge to creep on social media. I typed his name into Facebook and it just listed our mutual friends. When I hit enter I saw it. He deleted me. I went through every other platform and he unfollowed me. I can’t explain it, but that was the last straw. For the most part, I was keeping it together. I would cry myself to sleep but I was doing great at work and if anything, I was doing my job better. I was working out, seeing friends, and on my way to finding my new normal. This undid a lot of that.

It felt so fucking personal. How dare this fucker cut me out AGAIN when I apparently did nothing wrong. I’m sorry that seeing my face gives you hell. It fucking should.

So then I sobbed at work and my boss walked in on it. (Isn’t life grand?) I got home and saw my box of stuff next to the stairwell. Great. It would come in that day. Took it upstairs and opened it up to find a letter sitting on the top. Here we go again.

I read it and started sobbing like someone had died. I was so loud that I was concerned someone would call the cops so I had to get a pillow to muffle it. (#CityLiving) To sum it up, the letter basically said that I was such an incredible support, deserved love, and was an amazing person. That I “would find great love” because I was great love.

I believed everything in that letter was true. I did. But at the same time if everything in it was true, why the fuck would you break up with me? And, why would you send me another emotional mess to clean up?

Like any crazy bitch would do, I texted him and asked him to call me because I had questions. FUCK IT. I held my tongue long enough. I was done with him getting to be “the nice guy”. I was pissed that all this was what he wanted and how it felt like this whole break up was about him and his feelings.

So we talked. And these were the answers I got.

  • He wrote the letter because if he was in my situation he felt he would have wanted it but he was sorry that it made things worse.
  • He didn’t say those things to me when I gave him the chance to talk because since he wasn’t the one broken up with, he didn’t feel like it was his place to say anything.
    • But it was apparently his place to write me a fucking letter?
  • If I got anything from the letter, it was to know my worth.
    • Once again, if I’m this great why would you let me go?
    • Also, I know I’m a damn catch. I don’t need you to tell me so you can feel better about yourself.
  • He had been telling himself that he was “doing the right thing” and all that nice guy shit when moments were hard.
    • This pissed the living shit out of me
    • He also admitted that he too had been crying at work on occasion, still loved me, thought about me every day, and that things had been hard for him.
    • Also, what I texted him really hurt.
      • I took sick pleasure in knowing that.
  • He broke up with me because we had “different goals”. When I asked what mine were he said, “To be a stay at home mom, on a farm, in Maryland”.
    • Only 1/3 of that is true
    • I apparently joked so much about not working, he really thought that was what I wanted and he didn’t want to live it.
  • His goal was, “to take over the world”. Specifics were not identified.
    • I lost my shit when I heard this. How can I not be supportive of a goal that hasn’t even been identified?
  • It really did bother him that we had different senses of humor. That we didn’t find 100% of the same things funny.
    • This also made me lose my shit.
    • No couple, ever, finds exactly the same things funny. We all come from different places and have had different experiences. Because of that, some of us are drier, some are darker, some love puns. BUT OKAY YEAH.
    • When asked to give more detail he said humor is very important to him and he just had high standards…I TELL JOKES ON STAGE, OWN A FUCKING PUPPET, AND WRITE THIS SMUT FOR ALL YOU FUCKERS. YOU REALLY THINK HUMOR ISN’T REALLY IMPORTANT FOR ME TOO?
  • He wasn’t ready for our relationship to be as serious as it was and he didn’t know what he wanted from the beginning.
    • He was the one who used the word “boyfriend” first
    • I was sitting next to him when he told his brother he wanted to live with me
    • We fought over baby names
    • He said repeatedly during our relationship that I was the love of his life
    • He said I was the only girlfriend he had ever seen a future with
  • He had doubts the whole time but really started considering pulling the plug in May.
    • My lease ran out in July so I could have moved had this discussion happened earlier
    • Our 1-year was in July so we could have avoided all that shit and I’d have some extra money to buy myself more vodka right about now
  • It was the marriage thing that did it at the end of the day.

To say I felt weird after that call is an understatement. I had my own theories and ideas and the call confirmed everything. All these things were in his head and it all came down to his own fucking bullshit. On the flip side, despite him trying to say all these things to make me feel better it only dug up my own insecurities. I hadn’t been enough for a lot of different things in my life. I was never thin enough growing up. I wasn’t smart enough in school. And as it turns out I wasn’t funny enough for Jared either. I did everything fucking right and it still wasn’t enough for him to want a future with me.

That was painful.

It took some time to work through that and it’s something I’m still working through. When someone you thought would always be in your corner hurts you like that, it fucks with your ego and it’s been tough to process.

I’ve been asked how I’m doing and truthfully I don’t know. Pretty much every morning I wake up with knots in my stomach, I have trouble falling asleep, my hair has been falling out, and my eating patterns make absolutely no sense.

For the most part I just feel a bit numb and I’m just going through the motions sometimes. When I have a moment to think about everything, I just feel farther and farther from the life I knew. I keep expecting to wake up from all this shit and hear Jared say, “Good morning babe!” as he leans in to kiss me.

As for dating, I’m feeling slightly lost. I’ve been looking inward at my own goals and been questioning if another person can even fit into them right now. At the same time, I feel this crazy internal pressure to get back out there because if I want to have children, I need to be aware of “the clock”. (No joke, every time I watch This Is Us I have an urge to hold a million babies and cry). So right now I’m kind of dating passively. I’m not putting in any more fucking effort than I have to and seeing what the fuck happens.

But during all this shit, a friend told me that when you’re healing there are days that you can only handle being open to it. And that’s okay. Being open is the first step to giving yourself grace and sometimes that’s enough to start big change.

Here I am. Being open to healing with all of you. I don’t know when I’ll be back to my full self, or even what that would look like, but I’m open to seeing where I go from here.

 

Above Average: UPDATE

App: Hinge

Name: Jared*

# of Dates: 4

Recap:

Out of everyone I had met during my time in the NYC-area, Jared was the one I vibed with the most. Not only did we have the same sense of humor, similar views, and food tastes but, he was also the kindest person I had met. (Plus he knew his way around a neck and a puss which definitely helped.)

We just got along and for whatever reason, things felt easy and comfortable. So comfortable that on our fourth date I asked if he would come away with me to Ocean City, MD for our fifth. Things were moving quick but it just felt right to do.

What Happened:

We had a great fucking time on vacation. Not only did we fuck enough to disturb our Airbnb host but, we genuinely enjoyed our time together. We went to Assateague Island and saw wild horses 10 feet away, ate at a crab house, rode a Ferris wheel, ate EVERYTHING, and danced our asses off at Seacrets.

The biggest thing to happen on the trip though was that we became a couple. Two people who are dating. Not talking, not friends with benefits, not seeing each other, not fucking around. Exclusively dating. And I was so happy. As soon as we decided that this was what we wanted we called each other “babe” nonstop because it just felt so good.

When I got dumped 2 years ago I never thought I’d be with someone again and then Connor came into my life for a bit and proved me wrong.

After things with Connor fell through and I moved to NJ I didn’t think I’d meet anyone special. A few showed potential (Looking at you Dan, Khalil, and Reed) but several didn’t make it. Anywhere. Close.

Some of my personal favorite, awesomely bad encounters include:

Then there were the awkward situations:

My “journey” was not what I expected in the least. I never thought I’d go out with over 30 guys and have 40-something dates in a year alone. But it happened. I didn’t think it would be as fun as it was or that I’d meet genuine people. Up until I moved I had only kissed two people and there were a lot of things and people to experience! That said, I also didn’t think it would feel as lonely as it did. Yes I went out with someone nearly once a week but, when only one every few months stands out it can get pretty old. (Like really, who the fuck raised these guys?!)

I started writing and documenting my dates as a way to share my version of the NYC dating experience, create something to remember this period of my life, and get the creative juices flowing again. What it became was something more. The messages of encouragement, positivity, and solidarity which came through were fucking amazing. To know that I was not the only one experiencing weird shit or that I wasn’t really a being a skank made this journey that much better. It has meant so much to me to hear your stories and struggles and it is clear that no matter where you are, what you look like, or who you meet—dating is fucking weird.

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Encounter #31.4: Above Average

App: Hinge

Name: Jared*

Date Location: Greek Taverna, The Crosby, Vanillamore – Montclair, NJ

Location Review:  4.0 Stars – So. Damn. Good. Awesome chicken!

4.0 Stars – Definitely a little snooty but has a trendy atmosphere and bomb ass duck fat fries

3.0 Stars – Actual food is nothing to ride home about but the dessert menu is super creative

Date Duration: 72 hours

What Happened:

After being away from each other for a week, sexting, and sending adorable ass text messages—

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(Like really? HOW IS SOMEONE SO FUCKING SWEET?)

This was it. This was our weekend to fuck. I had shaved. Cute underwear was on. Condoms were packed. It was game time.

That said, there may have been a kink in the plan. I was going over Thursday night and my period was supposed to start at literally any moment that day. I did the right thing and let him know what was going on and he, per usual, was adorable AF.

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I knew there was a chance but I was determined to beat it. I flooded my system with Advil, chugged water, and read every Wikihow on how to stop a period. I was ready.

Thursday night we went to a Greek spot for dinner and once again pissed the shit out of the waitstaff because we wouldn’t shut the fuck up. I had also asked him if he would come away with me to Ocean City, MD the following week. Plans with a friend fell through and I still had the room booked. He agreed.

When we got home, it was on. Thing was we both really wanted to go above and beyond for the other person so things didn’t quite work as well as we wanted. But, it would all be fine because I was going to fuck him while he was on a conference call for work the next morning to make up for it.

Friday morning I woke up with the pain. That pain every woman knows all too well. I ran into the bathroom and it was true. I had gotten my period. BAD. Like murder scene. I went into my bag. Among the two vibrators, spare bra, Soft Discs, and umbrella—all I had was one tampon. ONE. Shit.

Before the panic truly set in, we made breakfast. Jared had no idea what I liked to eat so he picked up a bunch of stuff the day before. He even got chocolate chips for pancakes since he thought I’d want them if I was on my period. We spent the day snuggled up on the couch and I watched Netflix while he did actual work.

Around dinner time it started to hit just how poorly I packed. One tampon was not going to last me until Sunday and I needed to save the Soft Discs for sex. We were going out anyways to pick up some things for dinner and there was a CVS next to the Trader Joe’s. Perfect. Should be fine.

As we walked through Trader Joe’s I felt my thighs sort of stick together. I attributed it to the humidity. Then I squatted down to grab a spice bottle and THERE SHE BLOWS. I felt the splooge of blood and began to panic since time was limited. I tried playing it cool when we got to CVS but as I got out of the car I pulled my skirt up a tad and saw the damage. There was a full Rorschach painting of blood happening down my thighs.

Despite this disaster, Jared was cool with it. He said he was just happy to spend time with me. We cooked dinner together and danced around his kitchen. While he was cleaning up, I went back into the kitchen and laid on the floor with my legs on the wall to stretch my hamstrings. He joined me on the floor and we just laid there, enjoying each other’s company.

We both wanted to fuck and after working out some mechanics it was decided that I would attempt the Soft Disc and we’d hit the shower. Things went better this time. We got our heads out of our asses and just had a fun time. His shower was pretty big which definitely made things easier. Shower sex is a tough one to make work but there were plenty of ledges and enough wall space to get it done. (I also may have farted upon exiting the shower. All mystery was lost.)

Saturday morning we cracked into the chocolate chips and made some pancakes before cuddling up and watching the original Jurassic Park. Pretty much we spent the day curled up on the couch and eventually decided it would be a good idea to see the outside world.

As I was doing my make up, Jared came into the bedroom and put a glass of white wine next to me. Then, as I was finishing up he started putting music on that he knew I liked. I have a weird love of John Denver and as it turns out, he is also a fan. He put Country Roads on and we slow danced in his living room.

After our dance break involving me teaching him the Beat It dance, we headed out to the bar. A few glasses of wine in he says,

“You know I’ve been seeing this girl and she asked me to go to Ocean City with her. Like it’s her favorite place in the world. What does this all mean?”

It means whatever you want it to mean. I think she just wants to spend time with you and enjoy things as they come. She may also want it to be exclusive but isn’t ready to label anything.

“Exclusive? I could do that. I just got out of a relationship and I’m not ready to jump into anything.”

That was it. We spent the rest of the night walking around downtown Montclair, trying ice cream, laughing, and opening up to each other.

Somehow the time flew and it was already Sunday. We ordered in breakfast and finished watching Jurassic Park. At one point a pillow fell off the couch and knocked over a glass of water. We cleaned it up and while we were on the floor started making out and made moves to fuck.

Jared knew his way around. I went into the bathroom to pop in the Soft Disc and when I got into his room there were ties, cuffs, and vibrators out. LETS. GO.

I had never fucked a guy while using a vibrator. Holy shit. Everyone go online and order a bullet style vibe and fuck your partner. Unreal.

After fucking for about 2 hours, we went out to the park and got some snacks before I drove back home. I knew I was going to see him 4 days later but, I didn’t want to leave. I was so happy. It had been a long time since I felt like I was a part of something mutual. There was no grey area on if we were interested in each other seriously or not and that was so relieving.

With that, we got ready for a (period-free) beach weekend.

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Encounter #31.3: Above Average

App: Hinge

Name: Jared*

Date Location: Pint – Jersey City, NJ

Location Review:  4.0 Stars –  This is a basic ass bar. Nothing crazy. BUT their happy hour is what truly shines. $2 shots, $3 beers, and $3 mixed drinks.

Date Duration: 12 hours

What Happened:

Only 3 days after our second date we were on the third. He offered to come to Jersey City so we decided to do trivia at one of the cheapest bars in the area.

Since he was running late from work and the bar didn’t have much for food, I ordered in and he met me at my place. Earlier that day, he mentioned that he had something really embarrassing to tell me but he was going to wait until he saw me in person. I buzzed him into the the building and when he got to my door, he had me step out. I forget how it happened but he ended up seeing his mom earlier that day after she stopped at a bakery nearby. She also gave him 2 cannolis and said that he could share them with his “new friend”. DYING.

We ate dinner and of course he was fucking adorable. Before we got into the Lyft he kept kissing me and saying that he loved the way I touched him and how I smelled. (That sounds super creepy. It was sweet in person.)

We got to the bar, grabbed a seat, I got a little drunk, and we got our asses kicked in trivia. Between questions and rounds of drinks we had good conversation. Then at one point I ended up telling him (thank you vodka) that I really liked him, it scared me, and as happy as I was things were moving really fast. His eyes got really big. He said he felt the same way but wasn’t sure where I was and he was happy that we were on the same page.

He had a flight the next day so he didn’t want to stay the night but offered to bring a pint of ice cream back to my apartment to have before he went home. On the walk to Walgreens he revealed that he was not late because of work. It was because he stopped to get another new outfit for our date. Also that pint of ice cream he picked up was never opened. Instead we ended up in my bed.

Once again, we didn’t fuck. I don’t know how it happened but we decided that we were going to fuck the next time we saw each other. But, we kept ourselves busy with other things. He continued to prove he had a strong oral game and we moved to the shower. While we were in there, he brought up again that he had never just showered with someone and found it to be an intimate and romantic moment to share.

I didn’t realize how much I missed sharing my bed and waking up next to someone. I always have slept a little better knowing that there is someone next to me and it also helped that he was a solid big spoon.

The two of us were out of town for the weekend but he invited me to stay with him at his place the next weekend. We needed to fuck. I accepted his offer.

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Encounter #31.2: Above Average

App: Hinge

Name: Jared*

Date Location: Onieal’s – Hoboken, NJ

Location Review:  4.0 Stars – Good ass apps, decent wine selection, next to a dog park.

Date Duration: 12 hours

What Happened:

After our first date, I was super excited to see Jared again. Not only did he text me the night of saying how much fun he had but, he threw in that he couldn’t stop thinking about that night, had so much fun, and was looking forward to the next time we’d meet up.

Since I had a long drive back to NJ that day, we decided to stay by my area. Normally, I would have met him in Hoboken but 1. I didn’t know where to have him park down there and 2. I felt comfortable enough having him park at my apartment and then Uber over with me.

When we met outside my building, he gave me such a long and tight hug and I could feel his smile press into the top of my head. We Ubered over to the bar and once again, did not shut the fuck up.

Over text it came out that Jared’s mom was a medium. This blew my goddamn mind. I love mediums. A lot. There is a video in the depths on the internet of me sobbing uncontrollably while my grandmother came through via medium. It’s a big fucking deal and this kid’s mom happened to be one. (He did make a point to say that she doesn’t read her children or people close to her children. Booooo.) I also found out that he was half Jewish. My life aspiration at age 12? Be a Jew.

There was one moment though that was fucking hysterical. He asked me about ventriloquism and my puppet. I moved to grab my phone to pull up a picture of it and he said, “Oh don’t worry about it, I saw it on your profile.” I made a face. “No the photo. It’s on your Hinge profile.” It wasn’t. He creeped my ass HARD. Like scroll on Instagram until there aren’t any more photos hard. He was mortified. He also let it slip that he told his mom about me and may have sent her a photo. That was weird.

Despite his creepy ass, he still managed to surprise me with how genuine he was. He told me his best friend knew we were out and she asked him how it was going. He showed me the text and it read, “She’s awesome.”

We wrapped up at the bar, walked over to the dog park to pet some pooches, and headed out to one of the piers in Hoboken to see the NYC skyline. I loved how Jared touched me. It felt so fucking genuine. While we were looking out, he stood behind me with his arms tightly around my body. For whatever reason it just felt comfortable.

We kissed and eventually decided to move to the grass since making out where everyone takes pictures isn’t necessarily the best idea. Then we just had one of those conversations that lasts for hours. We covered our past relationships, the fact that we were blown away by the other person, and anything else under the sun.

At one point, I had my legs across his and the top of my dress wasn’t doing a great job of staying up. Jared said, “It’s not that your chest is out. I love how comfortable you are here and that it looks like you just don’t care.” …then we aggressively made out in the grass.

He also showed me some of the texts he had sent his friend about me. Jared had it BAD for me and it was clear his friend was also into this idea of me. He read some aloud to me but I looked down at his phone. He said things like, “I can’t stop thinking about her…I’ll be thinking about her all day”. Then he gave info for the friend to creep me and she said things like, “She’s so cute…She looks so radiant in her competition photos…I’m going to steal her from you…I can’t wait for her to meet everyone.” No. Pressure.

At this point it was almost 1am and I asked him if he would like to continue what we were doing back at my place if he was cool with not fucking. (I have learned my lesson. Second date fucks just don’t work out for me). He agreed and within 2 minutes of being in my apartment, I had him on the bed ripping off each other’s clothes. Once again Jared was cute and said, “If I had known this was going to happen tonight I would have worn my nice underwear.” Dead.

Although we didn’t fuck that night, we covered some decent ground. Jared had some strong oral skills to start but then when he asked the most lovely question a man can ask, “Will you sit on my face?” His oral game got that much stronger.

We moved to the shower and he admitted that he had never just taken a shower with someone before. He had only ever showered with someone to fuck and the whole time he kept going on about how great it was to enjoy another person’s body in that way.

When we dried off and got snuggled up in bed (at 3am) he apologized for asking me to come back with him on our first date. I personally didn’t care but he didn’t want it to create a negative memory on such a great night. WHY WAS HE SO NICE? We spent the remaining two hours curled up together between him sucking on my neck and continuing to eat me out.

He texted me the next day and said that he couldn’t wait to see me for our next date. I was excited too. But also scared. For two years I said I wanted to be in a relationship again and when I decided to give up on that this fucker came into my life. I was staring everything I could have wanted in the face and it was petrifying. Then I remembered all the advice I received over the past few years. Accept and enjoy it for what it is and take everything one step at a time. With that in mind, we set the third date.

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