Encounter #65.1: Hallmark Movie

App: Tinder

Name: Rich*

Date Location: Nature Preserve – New Hampshire

Location Review:  N/A

Date Duration: 9 hours

What Happened:

Since I was home during COVID with nothing better to do, I found myself swiping on Tinder quite a bit. Nearly every time I swiped through I would see Rich come up. I didn’t know how, but I knew him. He looked so fucking familiar! I screenshotted his profile and sent it to friends and they said the same thing too but no one could figure it out. After awhile I was just so fucking curious so I swiped right so I could get to the bottom of it. We matched. Mission was on.

We chatted on Tinder and it turned out we went to high school together but he graduated the year before me. Still had no goddamn clue who he was so I had to keep talking to get that fucking last name.

He was really cool. Like way cooler than I was expecting for a match that started as a way to get a last name. Also really fucking funny and had a soft spot for the same trashy tv shows.

We had been texting nonstop and decided to watch Jersey Shore at the same time. Somehow we got pretty deep. There was a medium on the episode and that started a conversation on people we had lost. It didn’t get too deep but, it felt oddly easy. I rarely if ever talk about that part of my life and it didn’t feel weird talking to him.

I asked him to FaceTime after and once again, the conversation was easy AF. We kept roasting each other and joked in very similar ways. Next thing I knew it was 2am and we could have kept talking.

The next day he asked what I was doing that night and asked if I wanted to go on a nature adventure with him since it was so nice out. I had nothing to lose. Even if the romantic spark wasn’t there with us, we got along personality wise so at least it was going to be a nice time out.

We met up at a nature preserve and parked ourselves on a bench. As I cracked open my hard seltzer to move it to a water bottle I heard a chuckle. I looked up and of course, there was someone I knew. In my hometown there is one family that is just fucking perfect. All the kids are super smart, athletic, nice, involved in the church, and just nice people all around. There I was drinking in public in front of the dad and one of his daughters. FUCK. Biggest townie moment of my life.

Despite that awkward moment, things were good. I mean I created more awkward moments by making a chlamydia and a rape joke but for whatever reason, Rich didn’t leave. The conversation was so fucking easy and he seemed like a genuinely nice person which was refreshing for my degenerate ass.

It was getting dark so we walked back to our cars. Before we got to the parking lot he asked if I would want to come back to his house to watch Jersey Shore. I said I wanted to but, I didn’t want to give the wrong impression by saying yes. That’s when he said, “No pressure at all. I really just want to spend time with you and hang out. Completely fine if nothing happens, that’s not my intention.” WELL SHIT.

I agreed and followed him back. As it turned out he lived 2 streets away from my parents’ house. What the flying fuck. We hung out in his basement and I still couldn’t gauge if he liked me. Like yeah, he invited me back but he hadn’t made a move yet. I thought he was going to when we walked in then I though he was when we were standing next to each other looking at the puzzle he was working on. Nothing.

He sat on the couch and I took a spot on the floor and that’s when finally, it happened. We kissed. And it was good. He kissed me again and eventually I moved to his lap and we were sitting there face to face. Everything just felt so comfortable.

I blurted out between make outs that I had an interview for a job in DC in case he wanted an out. He said, “I’ve thought about this a lot and that’s for me to worry about. Obviously I hope for this to turn into something more but if you get the job, we will cross that bridge when we get there. I just want to spend as much time with you as I can.” My heart.

I can only describe the rest of the date as “one of those nights that lasts forever”. We had the big conversations with jokes and kisses mixed in between. It felt natural.

As expected, I couldn’t quite hold out sexually. So while we started with innocent make outs on the couch, it eventually led to clothes coming off and heavy petting on the floor. OOPS. But hey, I somehow managed to control myself and not fuck his brains out and he was quite the gentleman and didn’t push.

At about 2/2:30 am we called it a night. I went back home walking on air and woke up smiling the next morning when I saw his name, both first and last, pop up on my phone.

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TBT: The Hooks

Name: Connor*

App: Tinder

Situation Duration: 5 Months

What Happened:

After a few unsuccessful first dates I found myself back on Tinder swiping away. Everything was business as usual until I came across Connor’s profile. I had known Connor from high school and always thought he was cute. Tall, smart, funny, dog person, and had a really nice set of hands. (I like a man who can palm a basketball, come at me). Immediately I swiped right thinking nothing would come of it.

Then one night while out for margs I got the notification. I MATCHED WITH CONNOR. HOLY SHIT BALLS. I may or may not have done a small happy dance in the restaurant. My friends convinced me to message first and it just went from there.

Connor and I’s first date was at my favorite spot in NH. After making jokes at some guy’s expense at the bar, I apparently made a decent impression on him. We went out again, and again, and again until we were seeing each other every week for about 5 months.

I’ll admit. I didn’t just fall for Connor. I fell fucking hard. He checked off all the boxes on my “list”, was a genuinely good person, and never made me feel stupid for the way I viewed the world.  We connected on some unique things that I may not “look for” but are welcomed bonuses.  Also he would remember all the small, weird shit I’d say and could make me laugh all the time. (And best sex. Hands down. Holy shit. No joke, I would give a kidney for that).

After about 3 months of this I wanted to know where it was going. After all, we were seeing each other every week and I didn’t know how to answer the “Do you have a boyfriend?” question at bars. We went out for dinner and while we were parked in his car on the way back he referred to me as “the girl he’s been seeing”. I responded with:

Oh, we’re dating now?

“Oh? Casually seeing?”

No that was a genuine question. What is this?

“I don’t know. I don’t want to lead you on but I also don’t know if I want a relationship right now”

Want to just do what we’re doing for the next 2 months and figure it out?

“Sure”

And then we made out. A lot.

I was okay with his answer…at first. His last relationship ended with him finding out his girlfriend cheated on him. I completely get that he had some shit to figure out. But I’m also a fucking nut job and love to ruin things.

I couldn’t stop thinking about it. What was I doing? Why did I like him so much? Should I break up with him? How do I even break up with him if we’re not dating? But he was a fucking fantastic person and I was happy when I was with him. SHIT.

I of course, never said anything. After another few months of great dates, wonderful conversations, and several rolls in the hay, I never heard from him again. (Excluding Snapchat)

The last time I saw him we got drinks, hung out at his place, fucked, and I was there until the afternoon. I left and that was it. I wanted him to reach out so bad. I felt like it was no longer my place to keep setting up dates if he didn’t really want it. Who knows, maybe he was waiting for me to reach out and that was my mistake. Both of us were just as capable of sending a text and I was being petty. I should have just done it, asked him point blank what was up, and gone from there. But I didn’t.

About 2 months after we had last seen each other I decided to move to NYC and I still held out a sliver of hope that he’d reach out. I even drunkenly snapped him on my birthday and texted him the next day to apologize hoping it would start a conversation. It didn’t. I invited him to my going away party as a last ditch effort. Not to start anything with him but more to close that door. He went up to the lake instead…with a girl…who he’s now dating (so much for that whole not wanting a relationship thing. BUT I DIGRESS).

By far, this has been the toughest “relationship” I ever had to get over because there was no definitive end and we only had positive experiences together. It’s not like I could blame it on the fact that we fought all the time, didn’t have anything in common, or had terrible sex.

My one regret was not having the balls to be honest because I got nothing out of keeping my feelings to myself. What would have been the difference in my life if I had said something and the feelings weren’t returned vs my life now? Fucking nothing. I didn’t say anything and we still ended up not talking.

The question I get all the time is if I’m over him. Yes but no (This one Jason Mraz song explains it so much better than I can). If he called me right now, you can bet my pathetic ass would pick up. At the same time I’ve realized that given the current circumstances of both our lives, it won’t happen so there’s no point in staying on his hook. If we’re meant to be, it will happen either in this life or another but I’m not going to lock myself away in a tower waiting for something that isn’t possible.

But most importantly, I see he’s happy and it would be incredibly selfish for me to reach out and ruin that. It may suck sometimes to look back on and accept, but it’s reality. As strange as it may be to say, I’m oddly happy that he’s happy. We both were put through the relationship ringer in 2016 and to see that he came out on the other side gives me weird, bittersweet, hope for myself.

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Honorable Mention: High School Boy

Context: There was this boy in high school who my friends and I thought was weirdly sexy. He was shorter but he had these broad ass shoulders that you could picture yourself laying on. It also helped that he’s funny AF and gives off the vibe that he’s good in bed. One lucky evening on Tinder I decided to swipe right, we matched, and this happened.

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We had a really short conversation. (Mostly because I got too weirded out. It’s a small town, he hangs out with my ex, it’s awk.) But he will always be this sexy mystical unicorn that I in theory could have banged. Or that’s what I’ll tell my future kids.