Situation #3.4: The Wedding Date

Name: David*

What Happened:

Because I’m a moron I kept talking to David even after what he said. 2 days after the conversation he called me again and thanked me for listening. We talked about our usual things and he talked about coming to visit. (Key there is talked about, didn’t actually make plans).

I called him the next week in a margarita induced state to tell him I was coming down to DC that weekend. I didn’t expect him to change plans for me but fuck it, tequila made me do it. He was supposed to go to a party the same night I’d be there but he also said he didn’t want to go so we’d play it by ear.

I didn’t end up seeing him in DC. I did receive 4 drunk dials and a text saying to, “Plz call me back”. I drunkenly called him back while I was in line at McDonald’s and tbh I have no fucking clue what he was saying because he was slurring so hard. My McFlurry was ready so I hung up (#Priorities) but he called me back about an hour later. All I could make out was that he was extremely drunk, was sorry he didn’t see me, and was upset about something.

He called me again Monday night (kinda buzzed) and told me what happened. My phone kept cutting out but from what I could hear the girl he liked got back together with his friend and he had to see them at the party he was at. He then decided to get absolutely smashed and since he didn’t want to be there, drove home. Not his finest moment.

He apologized again for not being able to see me and the day after we talked he texted me asking what I was doing in a few weeks. I didn’t have anything booked for that weekend so he asked me to come down to Maryland because his friends were heading out west. I agreed but I don’t have a car so he’d have to pick my ass up from the bus station and be my ride for the weekend. I’m 90% sure he thought I meant drive from NJ so I clarified that I could get to Maryland fine but that was as far as I could make it. He didn’t respond.

After a week of some stalker behavior (he followed me on Twitter and looked at my LinkedIn without adding me), he drunk dialed me at 2am on Saturday. I called him back. He didn’t respond.


Situation #1.1: Creepy Old Dudes

Name: Craig? and Scotty

Location: Fager’s Island – Ocean City, Maryland

Location Review: 4.5 Stars – I have a soft spot for Maryland but I also love trashy dancing, drinks, and being on the beach more than anything.

What Happened:

My college roommate and I hadn’t seen each other in years and just wanted to dance our asses off. Best place to do that? Ocean City, Maryland! It’s so delightfully trashy but the bars are super fun, there’s tasty food, and lots to see.

We went out to Fager’s to eat and get a few drinks before things picked up. While we were out on the water taking photos these 2 old guys (not the “George Clooney sexy” kind. The “hat-wearing, sunglasses strap, creepy” kind) came up and offered to take our photo. Fine. They take the pictures, we chatted, and found out that they were alums of our college. One even made a comment about how much older they were and that they were old enough to be our dads.

They insisted on buying us drinks and we were broke so we agreed. Then the unwanted flirtation began. We both got uncomfortable and tried to sneak away but they wouldn’t leave us alone. We headed back out onto the water because we, as in my roommate and I and nobody else, wanted to snap pics. Alone. But they came anyways.

Eventually they began asking what we were planning on doing that night. We kept giving the vague, “I don’t know yet. We’re still figuring it out”. But they whipped out the phones and asked for our numbers. FUCK. I put in my fake name and in a moment of wisdom, my ex’s number.

Scotty texted the number immediately and my ex responded. Immediately. Scotty turned to me and goes, “Wow, you already forgot my name. You’re fast though. I didn’t even see you take out your phone”.

FUCK. I pulled my roommate, made up something about needing to shit, and ran out of the bar. I called my ex because alcohol told me to, explained the situation, and apologized. He was cool with it but lesson learned: put your friend’s number. Never a boy’s.