Encounter #51.1: Doctor, Doctor

App: Bumble

Name: Alec*

Date Location: Low Fidelity – Jersey City

Location Review:  3.5 Stars – The bar itself is fine. Very millennial with brick walls, string lights, and craft cocktails. Really just like it because it’s close to my apartment.

Date Duration: 3 hours

What Happened:

Yet another attempt at “How Hot Can I Bag” landed me a date with Alec. He was a doctor and was doing research on Alzheimer’s (my philanthropy of choice). We had a lot to talk about so the date was set within hours of matching.

I was being a lazy hoe and since he lived in Jersey City, I had him meet me at one of the bars by my apartment. He walked up and was as attractive as his photos. Thank god.

We got our drinks and once again, I kind of felt like I was carrying the team. He was an interesting guy though. He was originally from Syria so we talked a lot about that and his family. He was applying for medical residency so we also went through all the places he’s been and how the interview process was working out. During all of this, he did recognize that I was asking a lot more about him than he was about me. However, he made no real effort to change that.

One perk about him was that he appreciated how I looked but not in a creepy way. I had been struggling with my body and the fact that I no longer looked 22. At one point he was staring at me then said, “I’m sorry I keep looking at you. You’re just so much prettier in person than you are in your photos”. He also threw in that I looked like I worked out. OH ALEC, YOU SLAY ME.

Shit, of course, got weird. He was with friends before we met up and had a few drinks. As it turned out he was a light weight. We only had 2/3 beers that were 5.2% or something like that and he was drunk. He kept touching my face, saying how cute I was, and losing where we were in the conversation.

I was ready to go home and he insisted on walking me back. That was when he started getting a bit too possessive. Earlier he mentioned he was interviewing in DC at the end of the month and I made a comment about how much I loved it down there. He then doubled down on the walk home and was seriously insisting I take off work to go with him. Mmmmm, nah.

We couldn’t get to my apartment fast enough. Of course, there was the good night kiss. It was better than the last one at my door but still, not great. He texted me when he got home saying he had fun and would see me soon. He also spelled my name wrong so that was cool. I slept on it and ultimately decided I couldn’t do it. Between the weird face touching and seeing him tanked, it was going to be a no from me.

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Encounter #11.1: Captain Underpants

App: Coffee Meets Bagel

Name: Jai*

Date Location: Stout NYC

Location Review: 3.5 Stars – Definitely a cool spot if you’re into beer or watching sports. They have so many options which can be overwhelming though.

Date Duration: 2 hours

What Happened:

After figuring out we had previously matched on another app (and me remembering that he sent me a pic in his underwear a few months earlier) Jai and I met up for drinks.

Jai was decently attractive. Looked pretty much like his pictures, finished medical school, Italian, tall, and grew up in NY. Not too shabby.

However, he could not plan for shit. He told me to meet him in Penn Station area but did not give me a bar until 10 minutes before I had to head over. Luckily he picked a place I knew how to get to (because I had an awkward date there).

We started talking and I wanted to suffocate him with a pillow. His voice was typical Queens, NY. I love a hard NY accent. I think it’s weirdly sexy. However, some are better than others. Brooklyn accents? HOT AF. His accent? Kinda nasal, whiny, and was basically the male version of Fran Drescher. NOPE.

Despite having a voice that made you want to punch babies, he was a pretty decent time. He was super easy to talk to and I was happy that I didn’t need to carry the team on my back for this one.

Like any date there were a few awkward moments. I had come from a work event that required wrist bands so I already looked like an alcoholic let alone the fact that I chugged an Irish Car Bomb before heading over to meet Jai.

That being said, his moment was worse. He was trying to show me a picture of something but swiped the wrong way. I saw a woman’s naked titties in one photo and something that said “Cannabis” in the other. He apologized but I definitely had more questions than answers on that one.

It was getting late and I had to make my way back to NJ. I hugged him goodbye and he said,

“Oh okay. I was going to go in for the kiss there. You don’t seem into it?”

“I don’t normally kiss someone on the first date. I don’t know, I guess I can make an exception”

Then we made out. Twice. Probably shouldn’t have done that. DAMN IT LAURA, YOU HOE. I was attracted to him on a physical and intellectual level but god damn. That voice. Terrible. Nagasaki’ed.

 

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