THIS IS THE TRUEST THING I HAVE EVER READ IN MY LIFE.
# of Dates: 4
Out of everyone I had met during my time in the NYC-area, Jared was the one I vibed with the most. Not only did we have the same sense of humor, similar views, and food tastes but, he was also the kindest person I had met. (Plus he knew his way around a neck and a puss which definitely helped.)
We just got along and for whatever reason, things felt easy and comfortable. So comfortable that on our fourth date I asked if he would come away with me to Ocean City, MD for our fifth. Things were moving quick but it just felt right to do.
We had a great fucking time on vacation. Not only did we fuck enough to disturb our Airbnb host but, we genuinely enjoyed our time together. We went to Assateague Island and saw wild horses 10 feet away, ate at a crab house, rode a Ferris wheel, ate EVERYTHING, and danced our asses off at Seacrets.
The biggest thing to happen on the trip though was that we became a couple. Two people who are dating. Not talking, not friends with benefits, not seeing each other, not fucking around. Exclusively dating. And I was so happy. As soon as we decided that this was what we wanted we called each other “babe” nonstop because it just felt so good.
When I got dumped 2 years ago I never thought I’d be with someone again and then Connor came into my life for a bit and proved me wrong.
After things with Connor fell through and I moved to NJ I didn’t think I’d meet anyone special. A few showed potential (Looking at you Dan, Khalil, and Reed) but several didn’t make it. Anywhere. Close.
Some of my personal favorite, awesomely bad encounters include:
- A 7-minute Date
- A guy asking that I Venmo him
- Having a hand under my dress and my ass grabbed in public
- A nose to the eye
- And who can forget fucking the dude with no heat or electricity?
Then there were the awkward situations:
- Making out with a 19 year-old
- Hooking up with a guy at a wedding
- EMTs that haunted me
- Meeting a cast member from Grey’s Anatomy
- Making out with an old co-worker after 5 years of sexual tension
- Oh, and a stalker
My “journey” was not what I expected in the least. I never thought I’d go out with over 30 guys and have 40-something dates in a year alone. But it happened. I didn’t think it would be as fun as it was or that I’d meet genuine people. Up until I moved I had only kissed two people and there were a lot of things and people to experience! That said, I also didn’t think it would feel as lonely as it did. Yes I went out with someone nearly once a week but, when only one every few months stands out it can get pretty old. (Like really, who the fuck raised these guys?!)
I started writing and documenting my dates as a way to share my version of the NYC dating experience, create something to remember this period of my life, and get the creative juices flowing again. What it became was something more. The messages of encouragement, positivity, and solidarity which came through were fucking amazing. To know that I was not the only one experiencing weird shit or that I wasn’t really a being a skank made this journey that much better. It has meant so much to me to hear your stories and struggles and it is clear that no matter where you are, what you look like, or who you meet—dating is fucking weird.
Little known fact about me. I LOVE magic (not The Gathering. The bunny out of a hat kind). Like a lot. I feel like it’s one of the few times you get to experience that feeling of childhood wonder at any age and I can never figure out how the tricks are done. I had previously dated a guy who could do the BS close up magic and I would shit myself in excitement every time.
For my day job, we were hosting an event and hired a magician. No joke, this was my best day ever. Not only did I get to eat and drink for free before, the show had drag queens, one of the drag queens did all these songs I used to cover, AND THERE WAS A FUCKING MAGICIAN WHO WAS CUTE.
Even though it was my best day, no one else seemed as excited. The theatre could seat 200+ and there were maybe 30 attendees. Intimate AF show. He called for a volunteer, I shot my hand up, and he called me up. I can’t explain what happened next but I started crying because I was so happy. Then he asked me who my favorite magician was and I blurted, “ANDREW J. PINARD. HE’S FANTASTIC AND USED TO WORK AT NEWICK’S.” (Newick’s was a seafood restaurant in NH my family went to. The closest one to us closed 15+ years ago. I have seen him perform since and it is fucking magical!)
Mack did the trick and my mind was fucking blown. How did he guess my card? How did he slide my card up through a drawing of a card deck? Why doesn’t the paper have a slit? HOLY SHIT.
He signed the paper he drew on and I went back to my seat. After the show, my friend told me that she went to school with him and that I should hit him up since she thought he was single. I brushed it off.
Well, I got drunk a week later and thought FUCK IT. I followed him on Instagram. It didn’t take long for him to follow me back and he liked a photo from New Years Eve. It was fucking May. I got drunk again a week later and slid into his DMs.
Well shit! We kept messaging back and forth and he mentioned that he didn’t receive our annual publication. I put one in an envelope with a post-it saying “Enjoy!” and sent his way. I got a little ballsy and messaged him to go out for drinks some time as well.
He messaged me when he got the mail and gave me shit for my note because I “could be cuter”. I wrote a quick thank you note and sent it over.
Things got more and more flirtatious.
He apparently creeped my ass pretty hard. He saw all my old ventriloquism photos. Then things got even saucier.
But then he would ghost and randomly come back from the dead.
Then he’d message me again, get saucy, and cut out.
I didn’t hear from him for weeks. Then he zombied back.
DOUBLE MESSAGE? Interesting. I did notice a pattern though. It was almost always a Friday/Saturday night. At least one, if not both of us would be traveling. And, he always left the conversation hanging. I did some creeping. He had been dating this girl for a long ass time and there was no clear indicator that they broke up. My friend was friends with him on Facebook and said he wasn’t in a relationship. Here’s the thing. I found her Instagram. It was private but her profile photo was a pic of the 2 of them. CURIOUS.
I had started seeing someone regularly so it didn’t feel right to respond anymore. That didn’t go over so well.
He’s not the only one who can disappear.
Context: My first photo is of me sitting in a tractor wheel