Situation #5.1: This Escalated Quickly

Name: Grant*

App: Tinder

What Happened:

I had forgotten to turn off my Tinder card when travelling to Maryland. When I got back to NJ I was swiping away and unknowingly matched with Grant from the Baltimore area. We chatted, he said where he lived, and I stopped responding. No harm, no foul.

About one month later he messaged me out of the blue and tried to get me to meet him in Philly. WTF. I don’t know you. That being said I was in a weird place and was seeking attention so when he asked for my number I gave it. We texted the rest of the day and by dinner time I realized I was being stupid, was using him, and needed to stop.

Since we hadn’t gone out, I didn’t think it was a big deal to ghost him. We literally talked for less than 24 hours. So I Nagasaki’ed him by unmatching him on Tinder and blocking his number.

Here’s the thing. When you have iMessage hooked up to a Mac and they also have iMessage, you still get the messages on the computer even if you block them on your phone. (You have to block the Apple ID in case you’re wondering). And then one day I found this slew of shit.

Baltimore text

BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE.

A month later I get a DM on Instagram

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OH. MY. GOD.

Really? We got “disconnected”? Bitch, you know I unmatched you and have actively been ignoring you. Don’t play coy with the “suggested user” bullshit. You’re being a creeper who won’t let go of something that never panned out. Baltimore is a big place, you’ll find someone there. Why are you wasting your time and effort with a bitch who lives in NJ? Let it go, bruh. BLOCKED.

…BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE.

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You’re. Fucking. Kidding Me.

24 hours after the initial message on Instagram AND blocking him on the platform, I get this shit. Men say women are crazy. Oh, no. Men are just as nuts. Please explain to me why stalking me 2 MONTHS LATER is a good use of your time. If I didn’t respond then there’s no reason for me to now.

After that, I sent a message along the lines of:

In case I have not made myself abundantly clear by unmatching with you on tinder, ignoring your texts, and blocking you on instagram; I do not want a relationship with you nor do I want contact with you. Do not contact me again or I will be forced to seek legal counsel.

I wasn’t fucking around. After that was sent, I blocked him on Facebook and began locking up my social media accounts. All he needed was my phone number and he found all my shit.

A part of me wonders if I should have just texted him that day and said, “Listen you’re great but we’re wasting each other’s time since we’re 4 hours apart”. But I really didn’t think a 12-hour conversation really warranted that much and I’m not telling someone they’re great if I haven’t verified it. It’s not like we talked about anything deep and had some beautiful connection over text. (And people say women are clingy…)

If there is one lesson to be learned from this it’s to be selective about who gets your number.

1. Don’t give it if you’re not feeling it

2. If possible, only give it after you meet in person and can make a full opinion

Men can be creepers and unfortunately the world we live in doesn’t always reprimand them for it. Be safe out there!

Note: Let it be known that this was going to be an Honorable Mention but he upgraded his ass to Situation real quick

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Situation #3.4: The Wedding Date

Name: David*

What Happened:

Because I’m a moron I kept talking to David even after what he said. 2 days after the conversation he called me again and thanked me for listening. We talked about our usual things and he talked about coming to visit. (Key there is talked about, didn’t actually make plans).

I called him the next week in a margarita induced state to tell him I was coming down to DC that weekend. I didn’t expect him to change plans for me but fuck it, tequila made me do it. He was supposed to go to a party the same night I’d be there but he also said he didn’t want to go so we’d play it by ear.

I didn’t end up seeing him in DC. I did receive 4 drunk dials and a text saying to, “Plz call me back”. I drunkenly called him back while I was in line at McDonald’s and tbh I have no fucking clue what he was saying because he was slurring so hard. My McFlurry was ready so I hung up (#Priorities) but he called me back about an hour later. All I could make out was that he was extremely drunk, was sorry he didn’t see me, and was upset about something.

He called me again Monday night (kinda buzzed) and told me what happened. My phone kept cutting out but from what I could hear the girl he liked got back together with his friend and he had to see them at the party he was at. He then decided to get absolutely smashed and since he didn’t want to be there, drove home. Not his finest moment.

He apologized again for not being able to see me and the day after we talked he texted me asking what I was doing in a few weeks. I didn’t have anything booked for that weekend so he asked me to come down to Maryland because his friends were heading out west. I agreed but I don’t have a car so he’d have to pick my ass up from the bus station and be my ride for the weekend. I’m 90% sure he thought I meant drive from NJ so I clarified that I could get to Maryland fine but that was as far as I could make it. He didn’t respond.

After a week of some stalker behavior (he followed me on Twitter and looked at my LinkedIn without adding me), he drunk dialed me at 2am on Saturday. I called him back. He didn’t respond.

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