Encounter #100.4: Rain Delay

App: Coffee Meets Bagel

Name: Mark*

Date Location: Flander’s Field – Hanover, MA & Vitamin Sea Brewing – Weymouth, MA

Location Review:  3.0 Stars – It’s fine. German beer hall that you can bring your mom to

3.0 Stars – Like any other brewery ever

Date Duration: 20 hours

What Happened:

To figure out whether or not I really liked Mark, I agreed to go out with him again. I couldn’t say no. He planned a whole day and even offered to drive since I would be on the road the rest of the weekend.

We went to a bar that he hyped up so much. It was suburban af. Maybe I’m just a bitch but he just hadn’t seen anything in life.

Eventually we made it to a brewery and the conversation was mostly him talking at me about political things. Yes, we had the same views but literally everything we talked about was so fucking serious. I just wanted to crack jokes and have witty banter.

We went back to my place and ended up having sex. It was meh. Then we cooked dinner and he was so sweet. Did the dishes and everything. Maybe it was fine? Maybe this was the best it would get and I should just deal with it.

He stayed the night and I kept avoiding doing anything physical. We hung out a few nights later for my own peace of mind and I was just miserable. I texted him a few days later to end it and at first it seemed that he took it well. He was sad, but didn’t fight with me.

A few days later he asked if we could be friends with benefits since we had “such good communication and sexual chemistry”…no. I declined and we never spoke again.

Encounter #100.3: Rain Delay

App: Coffee Meets Bagel

Name: Mark*

Date Location: Quincy Quarry & Crossing Nines – Quincy, MA

Location Review:  N/A

4.0 Stars – Definitely a hidden gem outside Boston. The patio gives a whole view of the Boston skyline plus the food is actually good.

Date Duration: 14 hours

What Happened:

I knew I liked Mark after our last date but, I wasn’t sure how much. That said, when he asked me out again I agreed so I could get a feel.

He suggested heading up to the quarry and hiking around a bit which I was immediately turned off by but, he said he would bring alcohol and snacks so I went with it.

Despite the fact it stank of puberty and weed, the view on top of the rocks was pretty nice. He brought his camera and we took some pictures while chit-chatting. He did keep touching my leg which for whatever reason, made me low-key uncomfortable. I couldn’t explain it but, I just shrugged it off as we were in public and I was still getting used to him.

Since the golf course was right there, we decided to head over for dinner and everything was normal. Nothing exciting to report. Although, he did tell me that the reason he didn’t kiss me on the first date was because he had a boner the whole time and didn’t want me to feel it. Thank you for sharing?

He invited me to his place and I figured I might as well check it out. Well as expected, it wasn’t long until we were hooking up. We didn’t have sex. Actually, I kinda felt myself trying to get out of any intimate contact with him. There wasn’t anything wrong “per se” but something wasn’t right.

I dipped out fairly quickly in the morning. I knew something was off but, everything else was good on paper so I decided to see him again to really be sure.

Encounter #100.2: Rain Delay

App: Coffee Meets Bagel

Name: Mark*

Date Location: The Clam Box – Quincy, MA

Location Review:  2.5 Stars – It’s pretty meh but you’re near the beach.

Date Duration: 14 hours

What Happened:

Mark and I were both busy so it was a minute before we could meet up but he was consistent with texting me and staying in contact.

I had to dog sit so he suggested we head to the beach so I could bring the dog and we could walk around. He did suggest 10am which was so aggressive but, I would live.

He walked up looking cute and he had a little cooler backpack with him filled with water and treats for the dog which was very sweet. So we walked around and shot the shit. Conversation was much easier this time and it was very clear that we had similar political views which was nice. Mark was also pretty smart so we had more intellectual conversation than I expected.

It was hot out so we decided to take a break and grab some drinks while the dog cooled off. He made a few flirtatious jokes which was unexpected. I couldn’t get a read on him at all up until that point so it was nice knowing that he found me attractive.

I got a text that the owner was on the way so I offered to continue hanging out and have a quick side mission to my place to get the dog situated or, we could go about our days. He chose the side mission.

After the dog got picked up, we threw something on Netflix so we could cool off in the AC. Then, as expected, things started happening. I told him straight up we weren’t going to fuck. It was a second date. I didn’t know him. He agreed to those terms.

Clothes came off and things were meh. He kept trying to talk dirty to me but it was more conversational and honestly just annoying af. Stop talking to me and just eat my pussy.

We hooked up on and off for a few hours but despite agreeing to the terms and conditions, he kept pushing to fuck. It got to the point I had to bring up that my new birth control wasn’t all the way effective yet. He responded with, “Well I have condoms”. SIR. The answer was no. I don’t know what else you need to hear. He apologized between rounds so I let it slide but, it was definitely something that went against him.

Eventually, we ordered food and he ended up staying the night. I wasn’t 100% sold but, he was nice enough and checked other boxes so I figured I’d see where it went.

Happy 100?

I’d like to think I’d have something witty and snappy to say now that I’ve officially crossed 100 first dates off my list. But truthfully, I am so fucking exhausted and really just need to be properly dicked down.

It’s nice having freedom. I never have to answer to anyone. But, I feel so starved for companionship with a partner. Everyone is moving into these next phases of life and I can’t relate in the least. They’re picking out nursery colors and I’m still snapchatting men asking how many siblings they have. Just night and day.

I have a lot of feelings about staring 30 in the face with little to no prospect of having someone special to celebrate it with. It’s low-key kind of embarrassing that I’m still in the position to be writing this nonsense but, I will spare you from this becoming a live journal entry.

When I look back on these 100 dates, there are some that stand out.

The good:

The bad:

And just the downright weird:

It’s been a wild-ass ride and I can’t thank you enough for being on this ride with me. Here’s hoping we both get off (both literally and figuratively) soon.

Encounter #100.1: Rain Delay

App: Coffee Meets Bagel

Name: Mark*

Date Location: Crossing Nines – Quincy, MA

Location Review:  4.0 Stars – Definitely a hidden gem outside Boston. The patio gives a whole view of the Boston skyline plus the food is actually good.

Date Duration: 3 hours

What Happened:

I never meet anyone off of Coffee Meets Bagel but somehow, it happened with Mark. Conversation wasn’t particularly any which way on the app but he asked me out and I didn’t have a reason to say no. What sold him though was that not only did he give me a specific plan for the date, he also included a rain plan. My Type A ass was thrilled.

He was taller and cuter than I thought he’d be. Very blue eyes and had to be at least 6’1″. I had to give it to him. The date he picked was nice af. We were there around sunset and saw the whole skyline light up.

Mark was a nerd in all senses of the word. Worked in IT, loved board games, and had a passion for history I don’t think I’ve ever encountered. Like he knew every single everything when it came to the state of Massachusetts.

Family seemed relatively normal. He was from MA, went to school there, and didn’t want to leave. Weird to me, but okay. Was going through a bit of a weight loss journey so it didn’t seem like he knew he was cute which is always a plus. Also super liberal which I am always down with.

He talked my fucking ear off until about a beer and a half in. Because he was so nerdy, I wasn’t sure if that came from not being able to hold a conversation or that he was nervous. As the night went on, looked more like nerves.

We ended up closing the bar down and he walked me to my car. I wasn’t sure if he had a good time. Yeah he paid but that doesn’t guarantee anything.

I was kinda expecting that we would kiss but then again, you can never count on it. I miscalculated. We hugged and I went on my way just very confused as to wtf happened. He was nice. I had a decent time. But wasn’t sure where he stood.

By the time I got home I got a text saying I was beautiful and that he wanted to go out again. Guess I did okay.

Encounter #11.1: Captain Underpants

App: Coffee Meets Bagel

Name: Jai*

Date Location: Stout NYC

Location Review: 3.5 Stars – Definitely a cool spot if you’re into beer or watching sports. They have so many options which can be overwhelming though.

Date Duration: 2 hours

What Happened:

After figuring out we had previously matched on another app (and me remembering that he sent me a pic in his underwear a few months earlier) Jai and I met up for drinks.

Jai was decently attractive. Looked pretty much like his pictures, finished medical school, Italian, tall, and grew up in NY. Not too shabby.

However, he could not plan for shit. He told me to meet him in Penn Station area but did not give me a bar until 10 minutes before I had to head over. Luckily he picked a place I knew how to get to (because I had an awkward date there).

We started talking and I wanted to suffocate him with a pillow. His voice was typical Queens, NY. I love a hard NY accent. I think it’s weirdly sexy. However, some are better than others. Brooklyn accents? HOT AF. His accent? Kinda nasal, whiny, and was basically the male version of Fran Drescher. NOPE.

Despite having a voice that made you want to punch babies, he was a pretty decent time. He was super easy to talk to and I was happy that I didn’t need to carry the team on my back for this one.

Like any date there were a few awkward moments. I had come from a work event that required wrist bands so I already looked like an alcoholic let alone the fact that I chugged an Irish Car Bomb before heading over to meet Jai.

That being said, his moment was worse. He was trying to show me a picture of something but swiped the wrong way. I saw a woman’s naked titties in one photo and something that said “Cannabis” in the other. He apologized but I definitely had more questions than answers on that one.

It was getting late and I had to make my way back to NJ. I hugged him goodbye and he said,

“Oh okay. I was going to go in for the kiss there. You don’t seem into it?”

“I don’t normally kiss someone on the first date. I don’t know, I guess I can make an exception”

Then we made out. Twice. Probably shouldn’t have done that. DAMN IT LAURA, YOU HOE. I was attracted to him on a physical and intellectual level but god damn. That voice. Terrible. Nagasaki’ed.

 

bad-idea

Situation #6.1: Lapping the Tri-City Area

What Happened:

When you’re on multiple dating apps, there will be plenty of times that you’ll see the same person. It may not be right away, but a lot of people will use the same photos and you start recognizing their face.

One day, after matching on Tinder I got a message along the lines of, “We’ve matched again. We must really like each other”. Apparently we had already chatted on Hinge and both times, boy left me on read.

Whatever, not a big deal. Just have to be more careful. A few weeks later I downloaded Coffee Meets Bagel just to try it out. I had it for maybe a week in NH but since the pool of users was so small, didn’t get into it. 2 or 3 days into using the app in NYC I matched with a cute doctor and he started the conversation. HOLLA TO YOUR GIRL.

It started with this.

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And then this happened.

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Shit. The jig is up.

Despite that, he seemed to be cool with it and we talked about meeting. He asked for my Snapchat *shudder* and he added me. I knew that username.

This summer we matched on Bumble and exchanged snaps. Not only was he boring AF but, he sent me a picture of himself in just Calvin underwear asking if they were too tight. After that happened, I deleted him and unmatched. He didn’t know that I knew about that one but I agreed to go out with him anyways.

Later that night I was chatting on Tinder with a very enthusiastic guy. A little too enthusiastic. And he lived in The Heights… OH MY GOD IT HAPPENED AGAIN.

We matched on Bumble and texted/Snapped in August. He was annoying AF. Constantly blowing up my phone and telling me how he “modeled”. Okay, buddy. You’re full of shit. To avoid another awkward moment, I unmatched immediately.

But it happened. I not only lapped NYC. I lapped Jersey City. All I needed to do was hit CT and I would have sifted through the entire tri-state area.

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