Tag: Boston

Encounter #99.2: Mr. Rhode Island

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App: The League

Name: Elias*

Date Location: Ward 8 & Arya Trattoria – Boston, MA

Location Review:  4.0 Stars – Romantic atmosphere and drinks and apps were tasty

4.0 Stars – Solid-ass Italian. For being in that main drag in the North End, it’s actually good.

Date Duration: 7 hours

What Happened:

I was legitimately excited to see Elias again. It had been a minute since I had someone plan real dates and I just thought he was so cute.

We decided to get drinks and a snack before dinner and based on how he was dressed and smelled that night, I wanted Elias to be the snack. Like damn. Boy came to play.

He was super sweet. Before I got there he tried to get us a table in a more romantic spot and he pulled my chair out for me. Definitely giving gentleman vibes.

Talking with him was easy. There weren’t really any awkward silences and we just shot the shit. After drinks, we headed over to the next restaurant for dinner and that’s where it started getting a little weird.

Out of nowhere, he asked me if there was a political issue I was passionate about. Considering I had just dumped someone for their beliefs, it was odd timing. But, we were on the same page so that was fine.

After we finished dinner, we decided to walk around and found ourselves at the waterfront yet again. And that’s where things got a smidge weirder.

We had both dated married Brazilians before so I told him my little story that ended with me getting a (CURABLE) std. Is that too much to share? Maybe. But if you don’t think that shit is funny, you aren’t the one for me.

To make me feel better, he said he’d share something embarrassing. But then it was this weird stream of consciousness about how he smokes weed, but he has herniated disks in his back so it’s fine, but it’s not an addiction, and he hasn’t smoked in a month because his job tests and he’s looking to switch positions, and he’s looking at moving to LA to work at that office, but he doesn’t know if he wants to work in chemistry anymore, and he already resigned his lease, oh and he has ADHD. I had no idea wtf was happening but it was just a pile of word vomit.

Despite that, I had a good time and wanted to see if we had any chemistry. We held hands but, would there be a spark? We were all alone by the water. Drinks had been flowing. NOTHING.

It was late so we called the Ubers and I leaned into him trying to make something happen. He was oblivious. He kept saying how he wanted to see me again so figured I’d let it slide and wait for that slow burn.

Encounter #99.1: Mr. Rhode Island

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App: The League

Name: Elias*

Date Location:  Shore Leave & Trillium Brewing – Boston, MA

Location Review:  4.0 Stars – I’m a sucker for a tiki bar. Fun snacks but can’t judge the sushi

4.0 Stars – They have peach beer and solid snacks. Also the patio is really nice.

Date Duration: 7 hours

What Happened:

I was just as shocked as you are that I got a date off The League. I’ve had it for years and have only ever met up with one other person. So the fact that Elias even started a conversation on there was enough to pique my interest.

Chatting with him was fairly easy. We weren’t up each other’s buttholes by any means but it was a decent conversation. He asked me out but also made me pick the place. I didn’t necessarily love that but whatever, I’ll live.

We decided to meet up at 5 p.m. which now looking back, was very early. When I got to the bar, it wasn’t open so I couldn’t find it and Elias ended up coming to find me. (It’s underneath a parking garage so heads up on that).

He was cute. (Also very sweet about me getting lost). We got to chatting and he was one of those people who could shoot the shit. We covered the basics (from Rhode Island, works as a chemist, has a younger brother, went to FUCKING BROWN for his master’s, college basketball fan, in the middle of weight loss journey). But we also talked about god knows what for an oddly long time.

Elias was also kinda funny and sweet. Out of nowhere, he said, “I just want to thank you for going out with me even though I’m only 5’9”. My heart. Then later he said I looked about 25 and it must be whatever I do in the gym. Nothing. I do nothing and it’s clear. But thank you for gassing me the fuck up.

We were having fun and he offered to go somewhere else since it was early. He had lived in the city for over 5 years so he knew the scene. We jumped in the Uber (that he paid for) and headed over to Seaport.

Here we found out that we had both dated married Brazilians before so that was a fun thing to have in common. And we just didn’t shut the fuck up. The next thing we knew the bar was closing down and we had to go.

He asked if I had ever been to the waterfront. I fucking lied. I knew what that meant. He wanted to make out and damn it, I was ready.

Well, we got there and everyone and their mother had the same idea. We sat on some random slab of granite and some couple sat next to us. It felt like he wanted to but I wasn’t going to push it.

It was late so we had to get back to catch our trains. He did hold my hand the whole way which helped confirm that he liked me. Never know these days. A few blocks from South Station he threw in,

“I really had a good time. I had a lot of fun with you.”

“Same! Was not expecting that. Never know how it’s going to go but I’m happy we met up.”

“You’re beautiful. Smart. Have a good heart. Can’t go wrong.”

Ummmm if he was trying to get me pregnant, that was the moment.

We lived on the same train line just opposite ends so I was preparing for a train station make-out. Instead, we hugged and he asked for my number. I mean I’ll take it.

And then we made plans for our second date.

Encounter #98.2: Peabody

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App: Tinder

Name: Omar*

Date Location:  Speakeasy and Irish Tavern (No idea wtf the names were) – Sommerville, MA

Location Review: N/A

Date Duration: 14 hours

What Happened:

Even though we had just seen each other the night before, we were both excited to go on an actual date with each other.

Omar beat me to the bar but since I can’t park for shit, he jumped in my car and helped me find a spot (and paid for my parking). Immediately we were holding hands and it was nice to feel coupled up for once.

He made reservations at a speak easy and we were the only people in the place so it was truly just the two of us. Conversation was still decent. Not as free flowing as the night before but considering we had been talking to each other every day for 4 hours at a time, we still found things to chat about.

The bar wasn’t really doing it for us so we decided to leave. He wouldn’t let me pay but I saw the tab. $100+ and he didn’t flinch. I guess he was not lying about making 6-figures in IT.

The next bar I got a little more insight into him. I don’t know how it came up but, we talked politics and we were just not aligned to say the least. It was weird. Socially we were on the same page but it just didn’t make sense to me why he voted for the way he did. Republican I can handle but based on the things he said, the math wasn’t mathing. He kept saying he liked living in MA and what the state was doing. Massachusetts is blue AF. Why are you voting for Trump?

I didn’t know what to think. Maybe I’m just a $n0wfLake liberal but, it was disappointing. Despite that, everything else about him was fine. He could make me laugh and it was clear he was into me so maybe I could look past it? He kept saying he wasn’t *that* political so maybe I could take him at his word?

He came to my place after and we started getting into it. We talked early on about wanting to wait to have sex. He had disclosed to me early on that he had genital herpes and I wasn’t going to be playing with fire if I didn’t know if I even liked him.

The hookup was fine. There was some potential and he seemed coachable but it wasn’t groundbreaking by any means. He would do stuff to me and I would say something like, “Mmm keep doing it like that” and then he would switch it up and start doing something else for whatever fucking reason. Not sure how “like that” translates to stop what you’re doing, but whatever.

Omar was so into me and honestly, it felt really fucking nice. We kept seeing each other and it was nice cosplaying boyfriend/girlfriend. He came over the day after I had to say goodbye to my dog and it felt so good to be able to come undone in front of someone. To not have to carry the emotional load alone for once. I can’t remember the last time a man said he wanted to be there for me while I fell apart and then actually was.

That said, there were some things that happened in the following weeks that I didn’t like. For someone who kept saying they “weren’t political”, he brought politics up an awful lot. Even if I could get over it, I couldn’t see a way for him to be accepted by my friends and family. All I saw were awkward parties and us wanting to raise kids differently.

Speaking of kids, we also had different expectations there. He wanted to be a dad so badly and exclusively wanted kids of his own. I am not sold given the world we live in.

But, what did it was one particular week. We hadn’t seen each other in about 5-7 days. I had called him Monday (No answer) and Tuesday night (he picked up but couldn’t talk). Wednesday he was out with friends, had been drinking and wanted to come over. Not ideal but, whatever. He kept insisting he wanted to see me and was good to drive. Fine. Left the door unlocked for him and ended up dozing off.

At 1am I woke up and he still wasn’t there. Checked my phone and he texted me. When he went home to grab clothes, he ended up smoking a joint with his roommates and fell asleep.

For someone who wanted to see me so badly, it didn’t make sense to me. Was the plan to drive over high and see me while baked af or was it that a substance was more important? Either way, didn’t love the answer.

What tipped me over the edge though was that Saturday night he was at a concert in Boston, wanted to see me, but had done coke and didn’t feel good about driving over. Whatever, all good. We would see each other the next day.

Well, that’s when he dropped that he had gone out with 2 girls since we met. Were we exclusive? No. But, he kept telling me there was no one else. I would make jokes about him having hoes and he would brush it off every time. Do what you want but, don’t fucking lie to me.

There’s an unsaid rule in dating that in those beginning stages, you don’t say what/who you’re doing. But if you’re telling me there’s no one else, all I can do is take you at your word especially after making comments about me having your babies, being at your birthday, and everything else.

I had been on the fence for a while but wanted to see him a few more times in person before I made the call but that pushed me over the edge and I cut it off.

That didn’t go over very well. It ended up being a 4-hour ordeal with him calling me multiple times and blowing up my phone. At one point he Facetimed me, I picked up, and we started talking things over but he was walking into his house and started chatting with his roommates instead while I was on the line…cool. So I hung up and he texted me up the ass.

Apparently what he was trying to say was that he went out with these other girls, hated it, and now just wanted to be with me. Cool. But it still happened. Also, I still vote blue and he still wanted kids of his own. It probably was the right thing to do to cut it off but, I hated every minute of it and kept second-guessing it.

When I woke up the next day, he texted me and asked me to block his number since he knew he would want to text me. He knew where I lived so I kept his texts on mute just to be safe. He texted me three times that week asking how I was but that was it.

It’s been a few weeks and I still feel weird about the whole thing. In the long run, it was probably the right decision but, it also feels so bleak out there. I don’t feel deeper connections often and I may have pushed someone away who would have given me ~70% of what I could have wanted from a partner. But is ~70% enough at the end of the day for a relationship to go the distance?

Not for me.

Encounter #93.1: San Fran

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App: Hinge

Name: Victor*

Date Location: Bartaco – Boston, MA

Location Review:  4 Stars – We just drank so not sure how it is food-wise but atmosphere was nice

Date Duration: 4 hours

What Happened:

It was my birthday week so damn it, was going to be my week of 20-FINE. When Victor asked me to go out that Friday, had to say yes.

Going in, I did think Victor was going to look like an ill, victorian child based on his photos but when I saw him IRL he was really cute. Tall, decent build, no complaints.

We got a spot at the bar and started chatting. Conversation over text was good and it seemed to translate decently in person. He was from San Francisco originally but came to Boston for college so he could play soccer and then he never left. Worked in sales at some 3-D printing company and was the baby in a popular movie I will not share to keep his anonymity.

Tbh I had no idea if he liked me. At one point he asked me how I thought things were going and I blurted out, “The fuck I know. I can’t get a read on if you’re enjoying this or not”. He confirmed that he was and started breaking out of his shell more and more.

He was definitely west coast in that he was way more chill than me. But he had some moves on him. At one point there was a lull in the conversation and he just blurted out that he thought I was so attractive. So that was cool.

He found out it was my birthday week so he wanted to do something fun with me. I wasn’t looking to be out all night so we decided to walk along the water in Seaport. On the way there, he held my hand and then did this flick of the wrist thing to pull me in. Next thing I knew we were making out and it was pretty damn good. We kept walking and when we got to the water took a bench and kept making out. We were those people.

It was getting late so he walked me all the way to the train and we texted here and there the next day. Then it just stopped. And I don’t know if this is connected in any way but, I tested positive for Covid 3 days later. Curious. Very curious.

Encounter #89.1: Saltine

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App: Hinge

Name: Hernando*

Date Location: Russell House Tavern – Cambridge, MA

Location Review: 3.5 Stars – Parking sucks ass but they smoke their own meats which is pretty fucking cool.

Date Duration: 1 hour

What Happened:

I had been doing a lot of travel for work and had been chatting with Hernando for a decent chunk of it. So, had to make a point to see him when I had a few days back in the area.

Leading up, there wasn’t anything exciting to report. He seemed relatively normal but what got me excited was that he liked to go salsa dancing and this bitch just loves to dance all night.

He picked the place and when it was game day, he was running late and we had to push back. Twice. So wasn’t a fan of that when parking costs about a million dollars an hour in Cambridge.

I walked up to him outside the bar and it was an immediate nope. He was an objectively attractive guy but, his energy gave me Dracula/murder vibes. Just wasn’t a fan.

We went to the basement bar and chatted. He didn’t drink so while I had a cocktail he killed a plate of smoked sausages which was an interesting flex. Man loved his meats.

We had actually nothing to talk about. I kept trying to ask him things and the answers were dry af and it wasn’t like he was trying to reciprocate. About 15 minutes in he went to the bathroom and I texted a friend saying I was over it.

Luckily, it was tax day so he said he had to go and finish his stuff. Was this a lie? Probably. But I wasn’t about to stay there all night and have my bodysuit continue to chafe my ass. We hugged at the door and went our separate ways.

Well, when I got home I was feeling a bit punchy. I may have made a Tiktok. And perhaps in that Tiktok I said, “I’m not mad that I had an unsuccessful date. I am mad that I wore a bodysuit and that snap has been up my butt for the past hour for a man who has the personality of a saltine.”

Next morning, this one came in.

WOMP WOMP. Oh well.

Encounter #88.2: MBA

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App: Hinge

Name: Moises*

Date Location: Tuscan Kitchen – Boston, MA

Location Review: 3.0 Stars – If you’re going to Boston for Italian, go to the North End. It’s good but it’s not nearly on the same level.

Date Duration: 3 hours

What Happened:

Moises made it very clear that he wanted to take me out and have a romantic dinner. V sweet. Going in, this was going to be one of those make-or-break dates. I wasn’t 100% sold on him but I also wasn’t ready to walk away. It really just depended on how the night went.

When I walked up to him I went in for a hug and he went for a kiss. Okay. Bold. And then he went in for it again…K. It wasn’t bad, just unexpected.

We got our table and watching Moises interact with the staff was something else. I wasn’t sure if he had ever been to a restaurant before. He wasn’t mean or anything like that, it was just bizarre af. Also when he ordered, he order the “sal-man”. BABY. That “l” is silent. I got the ick and fuck I got it hard.

I decided that after dinner, I was going to dip. I had the perfect excuse. It was 10pm on a Wednesday, I took the train in, and we had to work the next day. What could go wrong?

Well, this fucker INSISTED on us walking along the water at the Seaport. UGH. Fuck. So we did and he had me sit next to him on a bench and I knew he wanted to make a move. But he kept dancing around it and it was so uncomfortable all around. I slid in that I needed to go to so I could make my train and that’s when he insisted on driving me back to my car. Would not take no for an answer. God damn it.

The drive back to my car, although 15 minutes, felt like 20 years. Just painful. And then we got to the parking lot and I went to open the door. He stopped me and said, “Hold on, I want to do something”. He got out of the car and hustled over to my side but then he stopped and scurried back to the driver’s side. Moises forgot the damn key fob to the car. So he grabbed it, ran back, opened my car door, and went “See, chivalry isn’t dead”. Go fuck yourself. Do something nice to be nice. The comment after was cringe.

Moises walked me over to my car and he was talking about seeing each other again and I said something like, “Yeah, we’ll figure something out”. He made a face and went, “Oh? That’s not good.” So, I was forced to scramble and said I wasn’t sure if I got a friend or romantic vibe from him. His eyes got so wide. Pure shock.

We said goodbye and in the 3 minutes it took for me to get home I decided I was done. Sent the “Thanks but no” text and that was the end of that.

Encounter # 81.1: The Therapist

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App: Bumble

Name: Allen*

Date Location: Sweetgreen & Yvonne’s – Boston, MA

Location Review: N/A – It’s fine. Food was good but not a religious experience by any means.

3.5 stars – Had a warm, intimate aesthetic and the cocktails were good. Just pricey on food

Date Duration: 6 hours

What Happened:

I don’t know if Bumble knew I was desperate or just wanted to throw a bitch a bone but, I was offered Premium for a discounted price. Normally I don’t believe in paying for dating apps but I figured for $15 I could hedge my bets. If you’re a Bumble fan, the premium may be worth it. Not really for seeing who already likes you (apparently fuggo men with no solid job are what I attract) but, for the filters.

Did I swipe through all men in the Boston area who wanted a relationship, were over 5’7″, between the ages of 27-34, and voted liberal? Yes. Very quickly. But it was nice having the app do all the sifting for me.

During this period I matched with Allen. There wasn’t anything on his profile that particularly stood out but he matched the requirements and conversation on the app was decent. We exchanged numbers and texting was kept to a minimum which was fine but he did follow up a lot to be sure we were on for that Saturday.

He worked as a therapist for families and young adults specifically, young men. One night he called me between clients and we chatted for about an hour and it was good. Just very easy and he gave me an insane amount of lay-ups for jokes so I wasn’t going to complain. We also went over the itinerary for the date that weekend and he suggested dinner/drinks in Chinatown, go shoot pool, and then maybe hit up this bar he thought looked cool if we were up for it. Solid ass plan. Seemed like a good date.

The plan was for me to meet him at Downtown Crossing. I beat him there and he called me to tell me he was running late because of an accident. Fine. There’s a Macy’s. I can entertain myself. He called me again about 10 minutes later saying he was close but that it would probably be easier just to pick me up. I mean weird. I don’t normally get into a car on the first date but figured fuck it, he’s a therapist. If I died, it would be newsworthy and destroy his career. What did I have to lose?

He parked and walked over to me. Solid 5. Nothing amazing lookswise, but not horrible. Definitely have done worse. Once we got in the car he asked if I was fine with going to Sweetgreen. I mean sure but that is not Chinatown nor is it really a date place. That is a quick lunch with the girls between meetings spot. I wasn’t going to be a pain in the ass though so I agreed.

He didn’t want to go to the one in Downtown Crossing though so we drove over to the one in Copley. Why? I couldn’t fucking tell you.

In the car ride over, he kept teasing me because I didn’t know where anything in Boston was. I had only moved there a few months ago BUT OKAY YEAH WHY AM I NOT THE MAYOR?

As we were driving, the area looked familiar so I asked him if there was a nightclub nearby. Then the following conversation took place:

“Yeah, Royale is around the corner.”

“Cool, that’s what I thought.”

“I performed there once. Remember the video I showed you?”

“…what video?”

“The one of me break dancing.”

*Hands me his phone and makes me watch a 7-minute video of said performance*

Then he kept referencing his “crew” and I was too stunned to speak. I got the ick. I got the ick HARD. There is something about a 34-year-old, 5’7″ white man telling you about his passion that is break dancing. I was dying. At one point I asked him if they wore any special type of shoes. His answer? “Nah, just a pair of kicks. Oh! I mean sneakers.” Vomit in my mouth.

We got to Sweetgreen and if you’re not familiar, it’s more or less salad Chipotle. Right before we got to the register he says out of nowhere, “Do you mind going dutch on this?” Double ick. If I liked him, I may not have cared that much but there is something about a man suggesting salad on a first date and then not offering to pay that rubs me the wrong way. If we were at a Chili’s, whole different story. I’ll pay for my half. But a fast-food salad place? Seemed weird.

Despite all that ick, the conversation was good in that I got to talk about myself nearly the entire time. I tried asking him questions and he’d either skirt them or just give me a basic enough answer to satisfy me and then talk about me again.

At some point, he asked if I liked art so next thing I knew I was being carted to the South End to look at some galleries. Not really my jam but, I was nowhere near my train station to go home and I had nothing else to do. When we got there, the ick progressed. Maybe he is illiterate but, all these places had signs saying they were closed. And yet, Allen would go up to every door and try to open it which felt embarrassing for no reason.

We found one gallery that was open so we chit-chatted between artists’ rooms. He kept dodging my questions though. At one point I asked him if it was hard dating as a therapist since you can see so many red flags so early on. All he had to say was it was only hard to date another therapist because it would get too clinical. He then threw in that talking to me felt like talking to a normal person. I clapped back that it was because of my mental illness.

At another point, I asked if he owned his own practice or was working for someone since he mentioned he started his own business. Instead of answering my question, he handed me a business card. I mean that didn’t answer the question but thanks?

Speaking of business cards, in nearly every single artist room we went into this man would ask for the artist’s card. This made no sense to me because if you can’t afford to pay for my mediocre Sweetgreen, I don’t think you can afford a $5,000 painting. BUT I DIGRESS.

As we left the galleries he asked me about dating in NYC and in NH. I told him NY was hard because I wanted to get married and have a family and no one else did. I was raised a certain way and that was what I wanted. Then he asked me how I was raised in a tone I knew very well. It’s a tone I hear every other Tuesday. That is the tone my fucking therapist uses. Fuck. This.

He then asked me about my previous relationships and said in that fucking tone, “It sounds like you really cared about these people.” NO FUCKING SHIT. If I am letting someone inside me that much, yeah. I’m probably going to care a bit. We were dating.

When we got back to the car he mentioned getting drinks and I was trying to angle to go home. I said I needed to get back to my car before midnight so it wouldn’t get towed so I had to be mindful of time to get the train. He then insisted that he would drive me back to my car and refused to take no for an answer. He said, “I like opportunities where I get to assert myself as a gentleman.” No idea where that energy was when I got my salad but there was no way around it. I was locked in.

We ended up going to the higher-end bar he mentioned in our phone call and he made a point to cover my drink. The bar itself was cute. He was not though. He got drunk after 1 drink. ONE. And then he said he was a lightweight. Well no fucking shit but also if you knew this, why would you slug a drink that fast? No joke, I was maybe 1/4 through mine and I tend to chug. He also kept trying to lean towards me or touch my arm and I was recoiling into the woman next to me.

At this point, he was slurring his words slightly and then started telling me why men are emotionally unavailable. Allegedly, it’s because they feel if they open up they won’t be seen as useful so they end up abandoning themselves. Bitchhhhh, I am not the person to have that conversation with. Just need to read one of these fucking posts to know how I feel about men.

He then asked if I wanted to go salsa dancing after I finished my drink. No. I was fucking done with this marathon of ick. I hit my limit so I made up some bullshit that my Advil I took post-COVID booster was rubbing off and I needed to head back. He agreed to take me home and then took SO LONG to walk to the front door of this bar. I swear the universe went into slow motion for a minute. Then, as we were leaving and I could see the door to salvation he stopped. And you know what this fucker did. HE ASKED THE HOST FOR THE BAR’S BUSINESS CARD. WHY? WHAT IS THIS MAN’S OBBSESSION WITH BUSINESS CARDS?

In the car on the way to where I parked, he asked if I felt more romantic or friendship vibes. I didn’t want to be a bitch to his face so I said I really didn’t know. He said the same. I said, “Oh, that’s FIIIIIINE”, a bit too loud because he then made a comment that I should say it a bit louder for the cars behind us to hear.

He went on to say, “I think we should keep exploring this and see if we can figure out if it’s friendship or romantic. So, I propose we go out again and be mindful of physical boundaries. Keep it to just hugging and see how it goes.” BARF. So fucking clinical. If you have to say that, it’s not a romantic connection in the least.

He dropped me off, we hugged, and I didn’t hear from him the next day so I thought I was in the clear. 3 days later he asked me to hang out again and I, politely, shut that down.