Date Location: Fogo de Chao – Boston, MA
Location Review: 5.0 Stars – Holy shit. Amazing. Expensive but, so fucking worth it.
Date Duration: 3 hours
Maurice’s opener was “What Boston restaurant have you been meaning to try but haven’t been to yet?” I said “Fogo de Chao but my bank account says no”. And then he followed up with reservation details so we were in business.
He was a Naval Officer who went to the Academy and was now going to MIT so he was wicked fucking smart. The messages on the app were fine but I really didn’t know what to expect since he was an engineer and that’s always a toss-up.
I beat him to the restaurant and when he walked up, it was a no. He had the UnderArmour polo tucked in so god damn tight and the haircut just screamed “Dad”. All he needed was a pair of New Balances and he would have been ready for the family cookout. But maybe he would bring it at dinner and his personality would shine?
It didn’t. He was boring as shit. “Have any siblings?” Yeah. Mmmmm kay. What am I supposed to do with that? Just hours of me grilling his ass because he couldn’t hold a conversation properly.
To top it off, everyone at the restaurant thought we were there for our anniversary. So that wasn’t awkward at all.
The check came and no one moved. I kept chatting but nothing happened. The restaurant started closing down so it was time. I suggested we close out and I started making moves to my bag. I got the card. I put it down. And he took that thing and put it in the book with his. FUCK. $90 I will never see again.
I was ready to call time of death but he refused to let me take the train by where we were since I’d have to do a transfer. Not a big deal AT ALL but he just wouldn’t let it go. So now I was locked into a 15-minute walk with the most boring man in the world.
To make matters worse, we were taking the same train line in opposite directions and my train’s doors closed as soon as we got to the platform. Queue another awkward 15 minutes.
By the time I got home, there was a message in my Hinge inbox with his phone number. I politely declined and he said to keep the number in case I changed my mind. I was good.