Month: November 2022

Update: Newsies

Published on by datinglaura3 Comments

Recap: I met a guy at a wedding and we had a spark.

What Happened:

It didn’t work out and I need to take a serious break from dating.

I can’t explain it but, I have this weird ability to identify exact moments where the energy shifts and someone pulls away. This time it happened the day after I saw his new apartment. After that day, the texting was drier than usual.

I tried to not let it get the best of me. We had been texting an awful lot beforehand so it may have just been time for us to chill a bit. As the weeks went on, the quality of texting got a little better and I relaxed a bit.

While I was traveling for work, I drunk-dialed him and asked when I could see his place now that it had decor. He said when I got back. We made plans for that Friday. Everything was good.

I was so excited. Probably way more than I should have been but, I was having a really shitty few weeks, and honestly our date was the one thing getting me through that period. I drove up to NH Thursday night. I was READY.

Well, he canceled the morning of.

His reason was legitimate. He got a steroid injection in his tailbone and was in some pain. Given everything that had been going on that week in my personal life, I was really upset about it. Probably more than I should have been. Just felt like the wind was taken out of my sails.

I offered to hang out with him at home but he didn’t take the bait. What bothered me most was the last time he canceled on me, he called me because if he texted me that he felt like I’d be like “THIS motherfucker” (which is true), so he wanted to reassure me that he wanted to see me, and we found an alternate time.

However, this time it was just a text with no reassurance or attempt to reschedule. Actually, he was going to be in Boston the next day for a concert but made no mention of us seeing each other even though I lived so close. Kinda odd but, whatever.

When he told me about the concert earlier that week, I let him know that he could stay at my place that night if he partied too hard. I didn’t expect him to take me up on it but, the night of he asked if he could stay over. I was out so I gave him my lockbox code.

He couldn’t get in so I Ubered home and everything seemed normal enough. He was drunk and I was still a little peeved from the day before but, the conversation was normal and we ended the night with some hot ass sex. Like really, put it in my top 5 of all time. He was affectionate with me in the morning. And we went on our merry way.

That’s when the next shift happened. The texting got stale and I was trying not to focus on it. But then I didn’t hear from him for over 24 hours from Thursday into that Saturday.

I had to be back in NH for the weekend and was doing a scan of the apps Friday night to see if there were funny ones of people my friends and I knew. And then I saw it. Ian’s profile with the “New Here” tag. Fuck. Me.

I’m a petty bitch so I right-swiped it. Wanted him to know that I knew.

He had some things going on in his personal life that weekend so I did send him a text on Saturday to the effect of, “Thinking of you, you got this, etc.” and he responded back that it meant a lot. I tried starting a conversation with him and it just didn’t go anywhere.

That night, I had a notification that I had a match and sure enough, it was him. So I was petty and sent him a message on Bumble. Sunday morning I woke up to a text.

Yes, I did leave him on read for a bit. There were events going on that day where I did not feel it was appropriate for me to be texting him about whatever the fuck we were doing.

I knew we hadn’t talked about exclusivity but, I did think it was odd he created a profile. Based on our conversations, he was pretty adamantly against the apps.

I just didn’t get wtf I did that caused such a shift. We talked an awful lot and in those conversations, he said things like, “You were a surprise…You’re someone I would take seriously…You’re a great person”, and all that shit. Just didn’t expect him to try to ice me out and ghost.

So wtf did I do that was so bad?

I never meet anyone in person. Most times, it’s my friends getting the attention at the bar while I just dance with some randos in a corner. It’s also been a minute since I’ve been excited about someone. So for me, this situation carried a different weight. Also, we knew the same people so I expected more.

Going into this situation, I knew the risks and the likely outcomes given the timing of us meeting. I was just really hoping I’d be wrong. It’s not that we had this major relationship and that’s why I am so upset. It’s that I genuinely liked him, felt a connection, and thought this time could be different.

I have spent the past several years hearing the same (well-intentioned) shit over and over.

  • “It will happen when you least expect it”
  • “It’s a numbers game”
  • “It’s just around the corner, I know it”

I have been living with “just around the corner” anticipation for a fucking long time and I am exhausted. I’ve put up the numbers and then some. I feel like I’m in this constant cycle of feeling like I can drop my guard and be vulnerable and then it immediately blows up in my face. Once I get a taste of safety, it just implodes and it sucks.

At this point, I can’t confidently say that I won’t meet someone but in that same breath, I can’t confidently say I will either. If I take another person out of the long-term equation, I’m not sure I’m living the life I need to feel fulfilled on my own.

So for now, I need to take a hiatus from dating and from writing so I can grow and heal from 100+ unsuccessful dates. I appreciate all the support over the years and I look forward to one day coming back. Here’s hoping I have something good for ya.

Encounter #102.2: Newsies

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App: N/A

Name: Ian*

Date Location: Masa – Manchester, NH

Location Review:  4.0 Stars – The music in there is chaotic as shit and it’s great. Good selection of hibachi and sushi.

Date Duration: 4 hours

What Happened:

I was really happy that Ian came down to my place for some party I hosted the night after our first date. He looked cute, brought wine, was good about chatting with my friends, and he helped me clean up. We were up until 5 am just talking about any and everything.

We just kept talking and he asked me out again. I am embarrassed to say just how excited I was to see him. Like just full golden retriever energy. WHERE DID BAD BITCH LAURA GO? I knew the timing of us meeting wasn’t particularly stellar but, it had been a while since I was both physically and mentally attracted to someone.

We had a lot of fun. Conversation was easy and the witty banter was there. When the check came, he asked if I had ever seen the planes take off at the local airport. I hadn’t so we headed that way and I climbed into his car.

It shouldn’t be a shock to say that after 5/10 minutes of staring at the runway we made out. A lot. And it was good. Basement was flooded.

At that time, I was so over the apps and all the dating bullshit. Yes, Ian had baggage and I lived an hour away but, I enjoyed his company and he was just so different from anyone I had gone out with.

We were friends with the same people and knowing them and their character, I figured Ian had to be a decent person. So I paused all the apps. Either this was going to end well or I would find myself sliding down a wall, crying. Had to take the gamble.

Encounter #102.1: Newsies

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App: N/A

Name: Ian*

Date Location: 815 – Manchester, NH

Location Review:  4.0 Stars – Pretty classy joint for the area. Ambience is on point and cocktails are tasty.

Date Duration: 5 hours

What Happened:

After Ian slid into the DMs, we shifted to text, and conversation was going well. Me being an impatient little hoe, I lied and said I had something to do in NH and asked if he would want to get drinks while I was there. He agreed and he officially got the upgrade from Situation to Encounter.

We decided to meet up at a speakeasy which was a classy move. I had to laugh because as we finalized a time, Ian told me how to get there and all this stuff. But, as I walked up from my car I saw Ian about 6 blocks down slightly lost.

He looked good. Given how much alcohol was consumed at the wedding, it was nice knowing that he was actually attractive.

We got one of the couches at the bar and just shot the shit for a few hours. I really don’t have anything juicy to report. Just good conversation.

There was a while where I wasn’t sure if he liked me or not. I kept touching his leg and it wasn’t reciprocated back. As the night went on we started people-watching and saw two couples get absolutely plastered. We were trying to talk about them discreetly and Ian leaned on me. Like whole side of his body. Interesting.

We decided to leave when one of the couples did (so we could see if they fell down the stairs) and we went to meet my brother and his friend at another bar. When the couple made it to the door, Ian turned to me and said “So I guess we should kiss now“. And we made out. And it was good.

As we went out the door he said I was a good kisser and my awkward ass responded with, “Thanks. I used to play the saxophone“. He busted out laughing on the street. Which then got me laughing. And tbh it was a main character moment.

We played cards with my brother for a bit and hung out at the bar after he left until the lights kicked on. I parked far away and Ian walked me back to my car. Thing was he parked by where we started. I wanted to suck his face off so I insisted on driving him back to his car since it was cold and people were kind of sketchy. He agreed.

When I pulled up to the parking garage he came out with the “So we should probably kiss right now” line again. And we did. And then we did again. And one more time. It was hot.

I was having a party at my apartment the next day and casually (or at least in my mind casually) asked him to come. He agreed. We were in business.

Situation #11.1: Newsies

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Name: Ian*

What Happened:

One of my childhood friends was getting married and I didn’t know what to expect. I knew some people from his friend group but had no idea who would be there.

Wedding was open bar so I figured that shit out real quick.

My brother was also invited so we were catching up with a friend from home and Ian walked up. Did he look like he was about to sell me a Boston Globe because of his hat? Maybe. But, he was hot and I shaved. We introduced ourselves and when he walked away I asked our friend if this guy was single and would be down to make out with me. I got the yes. Target was acquired.

Ceremony was lovely and it was time to start the reception. The first dance happened and then the DJ called all couples to the floor to join. My entire table got up but I was chilling, sipping my drink. Then I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Ian.

We danced on and off together throughout the reception but nothing really happened. We did kinda grind up on each other and I saw the groom’s parents watching us from the corner of my eye but it wasn’t so scandalous that I felt the need to stop. Would give them something to discuss in the morning. Ian and I didn’t really talk all that much on the dance floor but when I was leaving for the hotel bar he asked if I’d be there and touched my back. Interesting.

I was chilling with my table from the wedding (shout out to Table 10) and Ian eventually came over. We chit-chatted and I found out what he did for work. (Also may have found out that he broke up with his fiance fairly recently). Then we talked about zodiac signs and death of all things. Some of the guys went outside to smoke cigars and before he stepped out he basically invited me back to his room later so we could “keep talking”. Okay, we will see about that Ian.

(I later found out that my brother talked to him at the hotel bar and asked if he was interested in me. He said he would give Ian his blessing to spend the night with me if Ian let him grab his ass. Ian declined the booty grab, and said he would let my brother watch him walk away.)

Well, he was taking too damn long outside so I went up to Table 10’s room to keep drinking before I went to bed. I was wrapping up when my brother called me. He was in the hotel bar with Ian and apparently Ian was still interested. So Table 10 invited him up.

He took fucking forever again. My brother showed up to the room first drunk off his ass and then 10 minutes later, Ian strolled in.

We shot the shit and he was more interesting than I originally thought. Also, my brother was way drunker than we originally thought. At one point I overheard him telling Ian about how I am a goddess, someone who has “really lived” so he needs to really treat me right later “if you know what I mean”, and that he needs to really go for it. I was being pimped.

It was time to go to bed and since we couldn’t trust my brother to take an Uber to his hotel, it was somehow determined that we’d put my brother in my room and I would sleep in Ian’s. V clever.

Ian was a champ and helped me put my brother to bed. I stepped out to change into comfy clothes and when I came back, Ian was taking my brother’s suit pants off and my brother kept moaning, “Ian! IANNNN!” and then yelled at me to look away so he could, “Live his fantasy”.

Despite the sexual harassment, Ian still wanted me to stay with him. We crawled into bed and it wasn’t long until things started happening. Now, I genuinely wasn’t planning on fucking him. But he was naked, that body didn’t quit, and he was packing so I had a change of heart. Overall, not bad. Would fuck again.

We talked for a few hours and eventually fell asleep. This was also when I found out that my brother told him directly that Ian had “Nice buns”.

I woke up before him having visions of vomit all over my own hotel room so, I may have thrown clothes on and dipped out without saying anything.

I did follow him on Instagram and saw a DM slide in the next day.