Month: July 2022

Encounter #95.1: Saugus

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App: Hinge

Name: Sean*

Date Location: Idle Hour – Quincy. MA

Location Review: 3.5 stars – Barely ate anything so still can’t say how it is

Date Duration: 3 hours

What Happened:

I was feeling a little ballsy so when Sean and I started chatting I did ask him out pretty quickly. I can’t explain it but, MA men like to chat for fucking centuries before asking a girl out and I was over it. If there’s a vibe, there’s a vibe.

Well it was going to be a minute until we could meet up which meant we still had to text. In the 3 days of texting it was very clear this man was boring but, I had asked him out and had to follow through.

In the 3 hours we were out, he averaged about one question an hour. It was brutal. But we kept ordering drinks so I couldn’t tell what the vibe was. Overall, he lived a boring life. He worked in supply chain analytics. Was from MA, went to school in MA, will probably die there. He did mention his family was wealthy which was odd.

When the night ended, we went our separate ways and never spoke again.

Encounter #92.2: Green Tea

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App: Bumble

Name: Moises*

Date Location: Idle Hour – Quincy, MA

Location Review: 3.5 stars – I got buzzed and we didn’t eat so there’s that

Date Duration: 3 hours

What Happened:

Going in, I wasn’t entirely sure what was going to happen. But I was mentally prepared to fuck.

Like our first date, there was a lot of lead-up. Actually the day we were supposed to meet up I tested positive for COVID so that only delayed things further and then he was going to be in Colombia. Just super ideal timing.

We texted here and there while he was gone and I was locked in the house but nothing particularly noteworthy. I chalked it up to just the fact that it’s hard to keep a conversation going over text that long when you don’t really know the person.

He offered to come closer to me and we made plans to get dinner. But then at about 11pm the night before he asked to change it to 11am. Ummm K? Weird but whatever. I’ve had stranger things happen.

He met me at the bar and we got right to drinks. No food. Fuck.

It only took a few minutes for him to start touching my leg and start with how cute I am. I mean facts but we haven’t seen each other in a minute and it’s the Lord’s day. Let’s chill a bit.

He told me about his trip and then next thing I knew we were taking green tea shots again. Actually, he asked me if I was the person he took shots with last time. I made a joke about him confusing me with his other hoes. The flustered look on his face. Hilarious.

After about 45 minutes he made some comment about watching a movie with me. I made a comment about he was really gunning to get the invite to my place and we’ll see if he makes it that far. The way this man tried to backpedal. Sir, I know exactly what is happening here. You do not give a flying fuck and just want to get laid. And SAME HERE.

We started making out at the bar and he more or less invited himself over. I was shaved and cleaned the house beforehand. It was going to happen.

There were no games when he came into the apartment. We immediately started making out, he had me against the wall, and then next thing I knew clothes were on the floor and I was laying on the bed.

And then it got kinda weird. He laid me down and I expected him to start working on me. Instead he kinda perched by my face and I blew him. Weird angle to do that but if that’s what you want, fine. Was planning on giving the full Gluck Gluck 5000 but I guess that’s fine too. I was only there for a moment and then he pulled me on top of him. I thought we were going to keep warming up but he went straight to fucking. I asked for an assist but he just laid me down and tried to fuck me there. So I had to explicitly ask for foreplay and he fingered me for a minute or 2.

It was clear this fucker could not fucking wait so I grabbed the condom and we got at it. Thing is that didn’t last too long either. I know I’m good, but I’m not finish in 3 minutes good. I couldn’t tell if he finished or just went soft super fast and was trying to cover it up.

We laid in bed for 2 hours making out and chit-chatting and then he said he had stuff to do at home so he left.

I am a psycho so after he left I went to the bathroom and peeked at the condom in the trash. Dry. Interesting. Hours passed and I didn’t hear from him. Also interesting. I texted him some bull shit asking how his night was or something and he didn’t respond until 11:30 pm. I texted him back in the morning. No response until 11:30 pm. I happened to be up so I fired right back. He haha’d the text. And I was fucking done with that nonsense.

Encounter #94.1: The Dentist

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App: Hinge

Name: Martin*

Date Location: Magoo’s Ice Cream – Rockland, MA

Location Review: 3.0 Stars – Decent mini-golf course and good ice cream. Not a flashy spot but it gets the job done.

Date Duration: 3 hours

What Happened:

It’s not that there was a lot of lead-up between Martin and me matching to when we met up. It was a fucking eternity.

We chatted on Hinge for over a month. During that time I went to DC, VA, FL, a wedding, turned 29, and got COVID. Lived a fucking lifetime. Overall, Martin was fun enough to talk to. He had just finished dental school and was studying to take his licensing exam. Lived a few towns over from me and came off normal. So when he asked me to hang out, didn’t have a reason to say no.

We went mini-golfing and he was cuter than his pics would have led me to believe. Very tall, and clearly had a nice body. I kicked his ass at golf and he wanted to keep hanging out so we got ice cream. Conversation was still okay but we were definitely running out of things. We decided to call it a night and he walked me to my car and we hugged.

In the days following the date, I picked up on the fact that he was not a consistent texter which I just don’t have time for. But, I kept thinking back to the fact that he was freaky active. I don’t mean go to the gym for 2 hours a day. I mean multiple spin classes followed by going to a climbing gym followed by a run. So that was weird. Not sure how to decipher that but smells like some kind of disorder.

In the end, I just wasn’t interested in pursuing it further so may have ghosted him and never heard from him again.