Month: June 2022

Encounter #92.1: Green Tea

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App: Bumble

Name: Adrian*

Date Location: River Bar – Sommerville, MA

Location Review: 4 Stars – We just drank so not sure how it is food-wise. Was close to a parking lot and faced water so that was really nice.

Date Duration: 3 hours

What Happened:

There was some lead-up on this one. After chatting on Bumble for a bit, we moved to text, and then he had to reschedule once then I had to. Just a lot of delay so had no idea what to expect when we actually met up.

Well, there was an ass ton of traffic the day of, and then FINALLY we fucking met. I knew I had to turn it out and bring the A-game since there had been so much lead-up. So ya girl was cracking jokes left and right at the bar. Apparently so much that Adrian thought I was drunk. Nope. Just unhinged.

But Adrian was a cool guy. Grew up in Florida, was Peruvian and Brazilian, worked as a web something or other at Puma, lived by himself, and played soccer regularly. (Also had this big, bright smile I kept staring at).

Adrian could also fucking drink. Granted, I didn’t eat before I got there so after a margarita I was feeling myself. But we were joking about green tea shots and then next thing I knew 2 appeared and we chased them with another margarita.

He had some time to kill and I wasn’t about to drive like that so we walked along the water and he held my hand. Then when there was a break in the conversation he pulled me in and we kissed (made out). Adrian knew what the fuck he was doing. It was one of those where the world kinda stopped for a second.

We kept walking, I blinked, and then we were in a parking garage going at it in his back seat. Like he was all up in my titties and there may have been a slight OTPHJ. Honestly, if he didn’t have plans after we probably would have fucked. The chemistry was that intense.

Mid make out he asked if he could see me again 2 days later but I had plans. (AKA I had another date) but we established another day. He drove me up to my car, we kissed, and then I went on my merry ass way.

Encounter #91.1: Construction

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App: Tinder

Name: Cory*

Date Location: Alba Restaurant – Quincy, MA

Location Review: 4.0 Stars – Overall pretty good. Only had drinks and apps but the roof deck is so fucking nice.

Date Duration: 3 hours

What Happened:

When I matched with Cory I was just not in the mood for small talk so about 6 messages in I just asked this fucker out. While we were setting plans though he did take a tangent to say, “So you’re really hot. I’m pretty sure we’re the same height though. That okay?” Fuck it, it’s short king spring. Also, thank you for thinking I’m out of your league. Needed the confidence boost.

He lived about 30 minutes away so he offered to come by my neck of the woods which I appreciated. Also, the place he picked had $$$ next to its name on Google so you know that shit is classy.

I beat him to the bar and when I saw him walk in I was both over and underwhelmed. He was built af so even though we were the same height, I still felt like a lady. But he also looked older than I expected. Probably just needed a good skincare routine but his photos were stronger.

We grabbed our table and got to chatting. He worked in construction management, had an MBA, and owned a home. Loved live music. Laughed at all my jokes. Overall, seemed like a decent guy. Nothing really exciting to report.

After we finished our food, we decided that we were going to chill at the beach and have a few drinks. When we left the restaurant I really thought he was going to kiss me but nothing.

Got to the beach and kept chit-chatting then finally he went in for the kiss. It was good. So we kept drinking and made out a little bit. We made plans to see each other again which I was fine with but as time went on, he proved to be a shitty texter. Just really not giving me anything to want to continue the conversation let alone see him again.

The day we were supposed to go out he got tied up at work and we said we’d reschedule. I never did. Just let it die naturally.

Encounter #90.1: Chicago Style

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App: Tinder

Name: Lucas*

Date Location: Bonhoeffer’s – Nashua, NH

Location Review: 5 stars – It’s adorable and cozy as shit. Coffee is great.

Date Duration: 3 hours

What Happened:

One night while staying visiting friends I found myself swiping away. (Really, I’m just looking for people I know because I love to read the bios). But I came across Lucas and thought I’d give him a go when I saw he was from Chicago. Midwestern and New Englanders have this special bond. I can’t explain it, but I was all about it.

He offered to meet me in Boston which was so fucking sweet but since I was in his neck of the woods anyways, figured I’d save him the trip.

He was very cute and just seemed like a kind soul. He covered my coffee and we got chatting. He was an engineer and had grown up just outside Chicago. He had two sisters who he was close with and seemed like he was raised right.

We chatted for quite a while but I just couldn’t tell if he liked me or not. I couldn’t place it if it was just he wasn’t feeling it or, he was an engineer and therefore couldn’t make it obvious if he did or not.

He walked me to my car and we hugged. We had only chatted through Tinder so I didn’t have his number. I was feeling ballsy so I sent my number over. Radio silence. After 48 hours I deleted the thread out of embarrassment and that was that.

Encounter #89.1: Saltine

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App: Hinge

Name: Hernando*

Date Location: Russell House Tavern – Cambridge, MA

Location Review: 3.5 Stars – Parking sucks ass but they smoke their own meats which is pretty fucking cool.

Date Duration: 1 hour

What Happened:

I had been doing a lot of travel for work and had been chatting with Hernando for a decent chunk of it. So, had to make a point to see him when I had a few days back in the area.

Leading up, there wasn’t anything exciting to report. He seemed relatively normal but what got me excited was that he liked to go salsa dancing and this bitch just loves to dance all night.

He picked the place and when it was game day, he was running late and we had to push back. Twice. So wasn’t a fan of that when parking costs about a million dollars an hour in Cambridge.

I walked up to him outside the bar and it was an immediate nope. He was an objectively attractive guy but, his energy gave me Dracula/murder vibes. Just wasn’t a fan.

We went to the basement bar and chatted. He didn’t drink so while I had a cocktail he killed a plate of smoked sausages which was an interesting flex. Man loved his meats.

We had actually nothing to talk about. I kept trying to ask him things and the answers were dry af and it wasn’t like he was trying to reciprocate. About 15 minutes in he went to the bathroom and I texted a friend saying I was over it.

Luckily, it was tax day so he said he had to go and finish his stuff. Was this a lie? Probably. But I wasn’t about to stay there all night and have my bodysuit continue to chafe my ass. We hugged at the door and went our separate ways.

Well, when I got home I was feeling a bit punchy. I may have made a Tiktok. And perhaps in that Tiktok I said, “I’m not mad that I had an unsuccessful date. I am mad that I wore a bodysuit and that snap has been up my butt for the past hour for a man who has the personality of a saltine.”

Next morning, this one came in.

WOMP WOMP. Oh well.