Encounter #86.1: Good Soup

App: Hinge

Name: Harold*

Date Location: Assembly – Quincy, MA

Location Review: It’s fine. Overall like the vibes but I didn’t think the food was all that.

Date Duration: 3 hours

What Happened:

For whatever reason, I had a week that I was popular on the apps. So like any slut would do, I scheduled the date for the day after another at the very same restaurant because fuck it.

Harold appealed to me because low key, he seemed like he had his shit together. Worked in some kind of banking/finance, was working on his MBA, and managed to ask me questions while we chatted on the app.

When I walked up to him, I was happy with what I saw. He was tall and decently attractive. We grabbed our seats at the bar and when we got talking, the chemistry wasn’t completely there. It’s not that anything was horribly wrong, I just wasn’t 100% sold.

I will say, we were talking about what we were looking for and he gave me the classic, “I don’t want to force anything. I really just want to see where things go blah blah blah”. Barf. I clapped back with, “You know you can just say you’re not ready for a relationship, right?”. He laughed. I didn’t. You’re 31 and don’t know if you want a relationship or not? Buh-bye.

The nail in the coffin though happened once we left the restaurant. Up until this point, I wasn’t entirely feeling it but I wasn’t 100% put off. When we got outside he kissed me and he made the loudest slurp noises I have ever heard in my life. How on a busy road could I hear this man slurp while he made out with me? Ick was acquired and that was the end of that.

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