Month: September 2021

Encounter #73.3: Home Team

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App: Tinder

Name: Owen*

Date Location: Mel’s Funway Park, Pipe Dream Brewing & Buffalo Wild Wings – Litchfield, Londonderry, & Manchester, NH

Location Review:  3.5 Stars – It’s decent. I like tacky ass theme golf so Mel’s doesn’t quite deliver on that but still a solid mini course.

4.0 Stars – Good vibes. Good beer.

N/A – It’s a BWW.

Date Duration: 5 hours

What Happened:

It had been over a month since the last time I saw Owen. His work schedule sucked plus we were both out of town on the weekends. But, we did text every day in the time between and it seemed like we both wanted to see each other.

Because of this long delay, Owen felt kinda bad and said he wanted to make it up to me with a cheesey ass date. OH OKAY OWEN I SEE YOU. We picked mini golf and talked trash in the days leading up. This was going to be the match to end all matches.

We didn’t end up keeping track of scores. We gave ourselves fake names, dicked around, and spoke in Australian accents as the other went up to putt. He looked especially handsome that day so I was a bit distracted and we hadn’t seen each other in so long that there was a lot to cover.

It was hot as balls that day so after sweating our asses off we needed beer. Just like last time, it was easy to connect. I don’t even remember what exactly we talked about but there weren’t any awkward pauses. Really, I wish I had more juicy details to share but it was nice conversation with a good human. He did end up keeping our scorecard though.

Things did get spicy though when the bar closed down. Since it was a Sunday, the brewery closed early. Owen walked me to my car and asked if I was up to anything. I didn’t have plans. He didn’t have plans. So we decided to have no plans together. He was really craving wings so we decided to go to another spot. It was then in broad ass daylight we made out in the parking lot. He got a little spicy here. I was wearing shorts and I felt him slide his hand up my leg a bit. Oh baby.

When we got to Buffalo Wild Wings, we were definitely a bit closer than we normally were in that when we sat down at the bar, our legs and arms were touching. I am 1000% a physical touch person so small things like that go a long way in my book. Things were looking promising.

I will admit, I went into this date with full expectation to fuck. Provided that we weren’t awkward from not seeing each other, I figured it would happen. I showed up shaved and with extra underwear and condoms in my purse. It was getting late for him so it was time for us to wrap up. He gave me his arm (what a gent), walked me to my car, and we started getting into it.

Owen had a bit more edge than I thought so instead of just kissing me this time, he had me laid out on the side of my car. Alright, basement flooded. However, we were in a mall parking lot and very exposed. For those who have been long time readers, you know that this is my norm. I will lick anyone anywhere. However, I have noticed that making out in a parking lot in NH is a bit more exposed than sucking someone’s face on a street corner in NYC. Like people were flicking their lights at us and yelling shit from their windows as they drove by.

I think Owen knew where I was pushing things to go but it was late and he really needed to go to bed. He did say that we needed to set up a sleepover soon though. *Sigh* I s’pose I could hold out a little longer. (Low key though, I was fine with this. There was a moment where I realized he ate spicy wings and I wasn’t sure how that was going to pan out on my bits if we fucked. Rather not burn my kitty). We eventually went our separate ways home but as soon as I pulled into my driveway I saw a text from him and smiled like a fucking loser.

Encounter #77.1: Landscaper

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App: Tinder

Name: Ethan*

Date Location: Portsmouth Gaslight Company – Portsmouth, NH

Location Review:  4.0 Stars – Always good food and a good time

Date Duration: 6 hours

What Happened:

As soon as we matched on Tinder, Ethan just seemed so fucking fun. He was very high energy and it didn’t take long for him to ask me out. Only problem was I was busy af so it was going to be a minute until we could see each other.

He kept up with texting me and all that in the week leading up and conversation over text was good. Nothing too spicy, always asked how my day was, and we would dick around here and there. As we got closer to the date it did seem like he was legitimately planning something so that was nice.

Going in, I wasn’t exactly sure what to expect. He looked shorter in his pics but he did look cute. (He also did look a touch fratty but it was confirmed that he did not do the Greek life back in the day.) He was definitely into sports and shit so that’s always a toss up. Was he a bro or did he just like bro things?

He beat me to the restaurant and I was pleasantly surprised that when he stood up he was taller than me. Ka. Chow. He was also cuter in person. He had really big eyes, dark hair, and some full lips that I thoroughly planned on making out with later.

Conversation overall was decent. There were a few silences but nothing all that concerning. He seemed to have a decent head on his shoulders. He worked full time as a landscaper and had a good relationship with his mom. All in all not bad.

I was just so excited he fed me that when he asked if I wanted to keep hanging and get a drink on the water I was dumbfounded. WTF is this? A guy wanting to take me out like a person? Weird. But that’s on my NYC trauma.

We just kept chatting away and when we finished he still wanted to hang out so we walked to a park that was on the water. We stood at the water’s edge and I kept making the eyes. There would be small breaks in conversation and I was just WAITING for him to make the move. I suggested we park our asses on the bench behind us and he immediately put his arm around me. Good, good. This is progress.

Within moments we kissed and it was fucking good. Like full make out for minutes straight off that first move. If we weren’t in a public park, things definitely would have happened. I may have given an over the pants hand job and he definitely got all up in my chest. Wasn’t mad.

He did ask me to go home with him which I declined and he was cool about. Tbh, that just made him hotter since he passed the Gobstopper Test. We spent the rest of the night chatting, making out, and trying to avoid anyone seeing us sucking major face.

We covered quite the ground between make outs. To start, our strip club experiences. Then we went into art and how we like to buy when we travel. Then it came out that I wear gps tracking jewelry when I go out in case shit goes haywire and I need to let my friends know. And we rounded it out with if he’s an ass or tits guy to which he responded, “Tits are AIDS”.

It was late and he walked me back to my car holding my hand the whole way. I then fucking embarrassed myself because it took me an oddly long time to find my damn car. Once we found it we made out more and I was on my way. To my surprise, he texted me that night saying he had fun and then asked to see me again. Not too shabby.

Encounter #76.1: Navy

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App: Tinder

Name: Kurt*

Date Location: Dovetail – Charlestown, MA

Location Review:  4.5 Stars – Drinks were great. Food was tasty. Would 1000% go back.

Date Duration: 6 hours

What Happened:

Kurt appeared to be cute in his profile and was someone who not only could keep a conversation going on the app but, he kept it interesting. He asked unique questions and it seemed like he truly wanted to get a sense of who I was, my values, and what I was looking for. Not bad.

He gave me a date and place to meet and when I saw the menu I was pretty excited. I don’t normally drive down to Boston during the week but for that menu, I could make an exception. He beat me to the restaurant and as I approached him it looked like he put some real effort into his appearance that day. My dude had a fitted button down, nice pants, whole thing.

Overall Kurt was really kind. He grew up with a single mom and very much respected women because of that. He had an interesting history and it was clear he really had to bust his ass to get where he is now. He used to do video editing for a local college back in Denver but with COVID had to shift gears and decided to join the Navy.

Despite that, there was just something off. I didn’t know if he was just an awkward person or if it was because he was from the midwest but it just wasn’t working for me. He also had an interesting dating history in that he didn’t have any whatsoever and he did tell me that he was a virgin. Nothing wrong with that but, just not something I am looking to jump into.

He walked me to my car at the end of the night and we hugged good bye. Because he was so nice I felt like I should text him rather than ghost. I said my piece, let him down easy, and that was the end of that.