Encounter #69.1: Air Force

App: Tinder

Name: Colton*

Date Location: Sully’s Ice Cream Stand – Chelmsford, MA

Location Review:  4 Stars – Ice cream was so good and was super thick and creamy. Is cash only but has an ATM.

Date Duration: 6 hours

What Happened:

Colton was a winner of “how hot can I bag”. I didn’t really know what to expect but he was good looking and double messaged me on a day I ran into an ex’s family member and was vulnerable. Bitch couldn’t resist.

Talking to him was oddly easy. We had very similar, dark senses of humor and just vibed. He grew up in North Carolina and then joined the Air Force as a medic so he had lived a bunch of places. Despite being military and originally from the south, he didn’t seem to have the belief system to match. He was very respectful of me though and would call me m’am over text which was so fucking hot. Colton was into cross fit and was ripped af so that was fun. Wasn’t mad about some of the pics I got leading up. Also he was reform Jew so that was on brand for me. Was bald though. Can’t have everything.

He wanted to meet my dog and go to a place where we could walk around for a bit so we decided on an ice cream spot that was halfway between the base and my place. He walked up to my car and he looked just as good as he did in his photos. That body don’t quit.

We got some ice cream and took our spot on a bench. Conversation flowed just as easily as it did over text. My dog was being a pain in the ass so we decided to walk around so she could calm down. There were a few times during the walk when I thought we were going to kiss. There was a moment where I saw a horse and I was trying to point out where it was and he just kept staring at me. Then we stopped to chit chat while I let my dog off leash and thought it was going to happen. Nothing. Finally, he went in for it and holy fuck it was perfect. Just the right amount of tongue, had his hand tangled up in my hair while the other was on my back, and the whole world felt like it stopped for a minute. Just magic.

We kept walking around holding hands. We had established early on in the texts prior that we were physical touch type of people so it felt easy in that aspect. No matter what someone was either holding a hand, touching a shoulder, or putting a hand on a back which felt so safe and nice. He was into me and the feeling was mutual.

While we were out he asked me out for another date a few days later so he could take me out to brunch. #Swoon The only possible red flag was that he was looking to transfer to a new base…in Arizona. I wasn’t sure if I had misheard him so I wasn’t going to make it weird.

Despite that, the whole night was just comfortable and very easy. We laughed a lot and made out in between jokes. Eventually my dog was pooped from running around and we decided to call it a night. After I threw her in the car he really went to work and holy fuck the man was good with his hands. Dear god. Basement was flooded.

It was exciting to just be excited about a person again. Even if it didn’t pan out, I was happy and just so curious to see what could happen next.

Encounter #68.1: Oh my Darling

App: Tinder

Name: Harry*

Date Location: The Hammer & Portsmouth Brewery – New Hampshire

Location Review: 4.5 stars – The Hammer fucking slaps. It’s kind of a dive but that’s what makes it amazing. Food is good too.

4.0 Stars – I’ve never had a bad meal or drink at Portsmouth Brewery. Sandwiches are good and the beer selection is on point.

Date Duration: 5 hours

What Happened:

One night while visiting a friend we got the bright idea to project my phone onto her tv so we could do Tinder live. Since I hadn’t opened my account in weeks, we had a lot of sifting to do from the last time it was active. Earlier that month, she and I had travelled and fired up ye ole Tinder to get some restaurant recs and see what kind of men live in the mountains. Harry happened to be one of those men.

As soon as we matched, the conversation started flowing. He just got a job in Boston and worked remote at his family’s cabin up north which is how we ended up matching in the first place. He was originally from Delaware which as a former Marylander, made me so happy. (Also has seen Joe Biden multiple times). He was very well educated and clearly very smart. The kid got into the Naval Academy way back when. Also was in band in high school, played rugby, brewed his own beer, and was an RA in college. Even though he looked like every douchey Maryland bro in his photos, he kept breaking the stereotype.

We moved to text and although we weren’t texting all day every day, our texts looked like fucking essays. No joke, it would take over 45 minutes to respond to them and we did like 4-5 text dumps a day leading up to the date.

He offered to drive 3+ hours to meet me down state which was a new one. I could never get a guy from Manhattan to meet me in NJ so this was one for the books.

Leading up to the date, I was a nervous wreck. In my mind, this was the championship game and I fucking got in on a technicality. Fucking up was not an option. This led me to going to the mall at least 4 times in 24 hours to make sure I had the perfect outfit, tweezing my Frida Kahlo eyebrows that hadn’t been touched in months, and shitting my goddamn brains out from nerves.

He walked up to the bar and from what I could tell with a face mask on, he was cute. VERY tall. The bar we wanted to try was packed so we walked around and chit chatted for a bit before settling on something.

He made a point to open doors for me which was very refreshing. Plus, when he took his mask and parka off, I was pleasantly surprised that he looked like his photos and that he was a little thicc. Not heavy by any means but as someone who had very much gained the COVID-19 (okay, 25), it made me feel a lot more comfortable.

Off the bat, it was obvious that he lived on the west coast for awhile. He spoke a lot slower than I did and his voice was a lot more chill. My northeast ass had to adjust. Overall, conversation was fine. Tbh had no idea if he was into me. I kept staring at his eyes trying to see if his pupils were dilating to get some hint of his vibe. The only noteworthy thing was when we were talking about dating profiles and how certain interests are not personality traits. (Ex: Liking The Office, brunch, yoga, fishing, craft beer, whiskey, petting dogs, etc.) He made some comment like, “Well you clearly have A LOT of personality”…Thanks? I think that was a compliment? I’m going to say it was a compliment. After a few beers and a sandwich (that he paid for) we decided to walk around a bit before finding another place.

The walk was nice and at this point I was feeling loose so was really hoping he’d go for the hand but nothing happened. We walked along the water and I can 100% guarantee that I was talking about magicians.

We made it to the second bar and the conversation continued. It felt a lot drier than it did over text which was disappointing and the conversation never really shifted from him. He had decent stories and all that but it would have been nice if he asked me some questions here and there.

We had been together for 5 or so hours and he had a long drive back so it was time to call it a night. I will say, I was surprised how it ended. So we went outside and did the “Alright, well I parked there” thing. I still had no idea if he liked me. Did he just spend the day with me because he hasn’t seen a woman in months or did we have chemistry? We hugged and he went in his direction and I in mine. Considering I had downed 3-4 beers I was really disappointed. Was kinda hoping he’d walk me back to my car and kiss me. I get that COVID complicates that but, since he was such a gentleman the rest of the time I was surprised he didn’t at least walk with me to my car.

Later that night I got a text that said he had a lot of fun and wanted to do it again sometime. I was down. I mean I didn’t get that thunderbolt of a spark but I wanted to try a new approach. There were no major red flags and overall our time was nice so I didn’t have a reason to cut it off yet.

We texted very briefly and he didn’t ask me anything so I never answered his last message. We never spoke again.