App: Tinder

Name: Rich*

Date Location: Nature Preserve – New Hampshire

Location Review:  N/A

Date Duration: 9 hours

What Happened:

Since I was home during COVID with nothing better to do, I found myself swiping on Tinder quite a bit. Nearly every time I swiped through I would see Rich come up. I didn’t know how but I knew him. He looked so fucking familiar! I screenshotted his profile and sent it to friends and they said the same thing too but no one could figure it out. After awhile I was just so fucking curious so I swiped right so I could get to the bottom of it. We matched. Mission was on.

We started chatting and it turned out we went to high school together but he graduated the year before me. Still had no fucking clue who he was so I had to keep talking to get that damn last name.

He was really cool. Like way cooler than I was expecting for a match that started as a way to get a last name. Also really fucking funny and had a soft spot for the same trashy tv shows.

We had been texting nonstop and decided to watch Jersey Shore at the same time. Somehow we got pretty deep. There was a medium on the episode and that started a conversation on people we had lost. It didn’t get too deep but, it felt oddly easy. I rarely if ever talk about that part of my life and it didn’t feel weird talking to him.

I asked him to FaceTime after and once again, the conversation was easy AF. We kept roasting each other and joked in very similar ways. Next thing I knew it was 2am and we could have kept talking.

The next day he asked what I was doing that night and asked if I wanted to go on a nature adventure with him since it was so nice out. I had nothing to lose. Even if the romantic spark wasn’t there with us, we got along personality wise so at least it was going to be a nice time out.

We met up at a nature preserve and parked ourselves on a bench. As I cracked open my hard seltzer to move it to a water bottle I heard a chuckle. I looked up and of course, there was someone I knew. In my hometown there is one family that is just fucking perfect. All the kids are super smart, athletic, nice, involved in the church, and just nice people all around. There I was drinking in public in front of the dad and one of his daughters. FUCK. Biggest townie moment of my life.

Despite that awkward moment, things were good. I mean I created more awkward moments by making a chlamydia and a rape joke but for whatever reason, Rich didn’t leave. The conversation was so fucking easy and he seemed like a genuinely nice person which was refreshing for my degenerate ass.

It was getting dark so we walked back to our cars. Before we got to the parking lot he asked if I would want to come back to his house to watch Jersey Shore. I said I wanted to but, I didn’t want to give the wrong impression by saying yes. That’s when he said, “No pressure at all. I really just want to spend time with you and hang out. Completely fine if nothing happens, that’s not my intention.” WELL SHIT.

I agreed and followed him back. As it turned out he lived 2 streets away from my parents’ house. What the flying fuck. We hung out in his basement and I still couldn’t gauge if he liked me. Like yeah, he invited me back but he hadn’t made a move yet. I thought he was going to when we walked in then I thought he was when we were standing next to each other looking at the puzzle he was working on. Nothing.

He sat on the couch and I took a spot on the floor and that’s when finally, it happened. We kissed. And it was good. He kissed me again and eventually I moved to his lap and we were sitting there face to face. Everything just felt so comfortable.

I blurted out between make outs that I had an interview for a job in DC in case he wanted an out. He said, “I’ve thought about this a lot and that’s for me to worry about. Obviously, I hope for this to turn into something more but if you get the job, we will cross that bridge when we get there. I just want to spend as much time with you as I can.” My heart.

I can only describe the rest of the date as “one of those nights that lasts forever”. We had the big conversations with jokes and kisses mixed in between. It felt natural.

As expected, I couldn’t quite hold out sexually. So while we started with innocent make outs on the couch, it eventually led to clothes coming off and heavy petting on the floor. OOPS. But hey, I somehow managed to control myself and not fuck his brains out and he was quite the gentleman and didn’t push.

At about 2/2:30 am we called it a night. I went back home walking on air and woke up smiling the next morning when I saw his name, both first and last, pop up on my phone.