App: Tinder

Name: Andre*

Date Location: Atlas Public House – Jersey City

Location Review:  4.0 Stars – I wish I had been to this place sooner. Happy hour deals were on point, food looked good, and had good vibes overall.

Date Duration: 3 hours

What Happened:

Andre had that je ne sais quoi quality that made me want to learn more. Based on his photos he was either really really hot or busted as shit and I needed to find out.

He lived on the other side of my neighborhood which was a huge plus and he was from France so he had a lot in common with my Canadian ass. When he asked me out it felt oddly respectful. He didn’t tell me where we were going but to meet outside the McDonald’s by one of the train stations. Different vibe but I was there for it.

He walked up and fortunately looked like his hot pictures. Halleloo! He was quite tall, probably 6’5″, dark hair, and dressed all cute and European. We walked a few buildings down to this bar neither one of us had been to yet.

I want to say conversation was good but tbh I had no idea what he said for the first 15 minutes. He had a pretty thick French accent, the music was a hair too loud, and I was sitting just far enough away that I had to gauge the whole conversation on his facial expressions. Eventually I got the hang of things and we managed to have a normal conversation.

We had a lot in common. With him being French and my family being from Canada we had a lot to talk about. There were certain foods our families made, we knew Celine Dion’s best work, and we both could appreciate old ass French names.

There were a few differences. To start, I’m trashy AF. We were talking about dating and in France they like to get as close to a person without actually kissing them. This is why hand kisses are a thing there. I then told him that in NJ, we shove tongues down the other’s throat. Oops.

Weirdly enough, we had the SAME music taste. Lady Gaga, Kesha, and Pitbull. Also, we both frequented gay bars and loved to dance. Perhaps a red flag? Or, possibly the best thing to happen to both of us?

We had a few drinks and it was starting to get a bit late. We were headed in the same direction so we took the train together. Before we split we went to the side to say our goodbyes. He said, in what I took to be a flirtatious tone, “We can do this the French way”. I took this the wrong way. I went in thinking we were going to le French kiss. So I went in, he swerved, I realized what happened, and we both went “OH GOD. Sorry!” We hugged, I went on my way, and never spoke again.