Month: April 2020

Encounter #59.1: The Wrestler

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App: Hinge

Name: Rhett*

Date Location: The Cuban – Hoboken, NJ

Location Review: 4.5 Stars – Really nice spot where you can hear each other and it just feels warm and romantic

Date Duration: 3-4 hours

What Happened:

Almost immediately after matching on Hinge, Rhett asked for my number and we got to it. Even though we didn’t message much, he seemed weird and my flavor of funny.  Plus he lived in Hoboken a few buildings down from one of my friends so there was a huge convenience factor.

He walked in and was definitely attractive. Like I would consider slightly out of my league but THERE WE WERE. We started drinking and conversation was wicked easy. He also hated making small talk over text so we had tons of stuff to cover.

He worked in some kind of tech sales and clearly came from money. He went to one of the most expensive private high schools in our area, grew up in a BOUGIE town in NJ, and while we were on our date his family was sitting in box seats at Madison Square Garden. Casual. He told me that when he was in high school he just had to get a job to get a car. Meaning he did not have to succeed in this job and save money. Literally all someone needed to do was say “You’re hired!” and his dad would buy him a decent car. WHAT.

Money aside, he was fucking cool. We kept roasting each other and for the first time in awhile, I was enjoying myself. I noticed his ear was all fucked up and asked if he wrestled growing up. He said jokingly responded, “Oh yeah, just point out my deformities. It’s cool. But yeah, good catch.”

At one point he asked how I liked the bar. I told him it was nice and it had been awhile since the last time I was there. He then told me he wanted to pick somewhere where we could actually talk, hear each other, and get to know the other. A boy planned a date?! WTF.

He did have some red flags though. He had told me about a few of his past relationships and a few things stuck out. He had cheated before which I could get over but more importantly, he had broken up with a girl because she wanted to get married one day which was a bit real for me. It was the first date so I figured I’d get to know him a bit better before judging anything.

We eventually moved from the bar to a table because he didn’t want to keep craning his neck to look at me. Before we could move, we had to close out the bar tab. I went to get my card to pay and he immediately shooed it.

Conversation continued at the table (and I even got some snacks). At one point he coyly looked down then back up at me and said, “So I had fun. I mean if you’d want to do this again I’d be down”. I agreed.

The bartender seemed pretty keen on getting out so we closed out (he paid again) and he walked me to my Uber a few blocks down. When we got to the car we kissed. It was really good. He knew what he was doing, I could feel how muscular his back was through his shirt, and he smelled amazing.

He had told me straight up that he was a shitty texter so I didn’t really expect much from him after the date. The Sunday after our date I asked if he was free and would want to meet up again. He agreed and we decided on the Tuesday of that week with the intention of solidifying plans the day of.

Tuesday rolled around so I followed up. 91531239_3092566164089135_4134750722208038912_n.jpg

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Never heard from again.

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Encounter #57.1: Drink, Drank, Drunk

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App: Tinder

Name: Sebastian*

Date Location: A Mexican spot on the Upper East Side, Sugar East & The Jeffrey

Location Review:  3.5 Stars – Drinks and atmosphere were good but service was slow and they close early.

2.0 Stars – Pretentious AF. Attracts a “Gossip Girl” crowd and trust fund babies. Doesn’t serve Bud Light.

4.0 Stars – Tight space but has a ton of craft beer options including cider and has a cozy vibe.

Date Duration: 4 hours

What Happened:

During a night of “How Hot Can I Bag” Sebastian came across my phone screen and I swiped right immediately. Boy was a snack and somehow we matched.

Conversation with him was easy. Pretty quickly we moved to texting and he kept up. For once, I didn’t have to carry the team and I was excited. He asked me out and plans were set.

He lived on the Upper East Side so I ventured into the city for his ass. I waited outside the bar and was pleasantly surprised that he looked as attractive as his photos. The bar he picked was pretty packed so we walked about a block down to another spot. Despite being physically attracted to him, I wasn’t sure where I stood with him. He wasn’t talking all that much and his voice was kind of flat. Was he just monotone or was he disappointed?

We sat down on some couches and I noticed he put his arm on the cushion behind me. I guess I wasn’t that ugly? The conversation between us wasn’t too bad, it definitely livened up after a drink though. He grew up in Michigan and came from a big, conservative, Catholic family (he stressed the conservative Catholic thing a bit more than I was comfortable with) and worked in consulting. As the conversation went on I realized that not only was his voice that fucking flat but, his arm moved from the couch to my shoulder. Things were getting spicy.

He slowly moved closer and closer and I was slowly losing interest. Things weren’t terrible, I just wasn’t feeling it. Then before I knew it I sucked down 3 sangrias and his face was an inch from mine. We kissed.

It was okay. Nothing earth shattering but I figured I should give him a shot. After all, things weren’t bad and I had already made it all the way out there. May as well get my money’s worth on that subway fare.

We kept chatting and he was getting on my nerves. He wouldn’t let shit go. He found out I did marching band in high school and college and it was “so weird” to be out with me since he was a jock back in the day. *eye roll*

He also wouldn’t stop saying how sexy I was and kept making out with me mid-sentence. Thank you for the compliments, I appreciate it. But, I actually want to get to know your ass. Leave me alone.

For whatever reason, I thought this shit would get better if we moved to another bar. We were sitting on a couch so maybe if we weren’t, he would stop trying to suck out my tonsils. I was wrong.

We moved to yet another bar and at this point I knew I was getting drunk. I backed off and got a beer that was like 4-5% ABV. He went for a stronger beer. Fuck. The whole time he kept making out with me and going on and on and on about how hot I was. (I mean thanks but chill). I signaled to the bartender for the check and this motherfucker wanted to walk out. WTF. I threw my card down and left a solid tip for this poor guy.

To get to the train, we had to walk by Sebastian’s apartment and he kept pulling me to try to get me upstairs. I kept saying no and eventually he backed off and went up solo. As soon as I heard the door click shut behind him I unmatched and blocked that fucker. Good. Night.

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Encounter #56.1: Soccer “Star”

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App: Hinge

Name: Ben*

Date Location: Smithfield Hall

Location Review:  3.5 Stars – If I liked soccer this bar would be cool. Other than that, pretty much your typical spot.

Date Duration: 1.5 hours

What Happened:

Going in, I didn’t know much about Ben aside from that he just tried out for pro soccer teams. That said, he seemed fun and positive so when he asked me out I said yes.

I met him at the bar and when he walked up I was surprised to say the least. For someone who had just come back from trying out for soccer teams he wasn’t quite in the shape I pictured.

Well, fuck it. He was from Massachusetts so maybe we’d have something to talk about? NOPE. Dead on arrival. This guy was boring AF and was really just turning oxygen into carbon dioxide. For like 80% of the night he was looking at the soccer game on the screen behind my head.

I tried. I really did. From what I gathered he had been training for these try outs for like 4 months. So I was then more confused as to how he was in the shape he was in and, more importantly, how the fuck he was paying for his apartment in Flatiron. WTF. Something wasn’t adding up. Either he wasn’t training full time like he said or, he had a sugar mama.

After a beer he started to slightly redeem himself. He apparently memorized my whole profile so he more or less grilled me on my photos. That said, there was no saving it. We got the check and he walked me to the train. We hugged and went our separate ways.

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Encounter #55.1: Flip Cup

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App: Hinge

Name: Corbin*

Date Location: City Bistro – Hoboken, NJ

Location Review:  4.0 Stars – Good ass apps, decent beer selection, feels classy.

Date Duration: 4 hours

What Happened:

When I saw Corbin’s profile pop up on Hinge I had a feeling we had matched and chatted before but I wasn’t entirely sure. Within a handful of messages it became clear that we had this entire conversation three months prior.

I have a habit of blocking numbers when I’m done with a person. I don’t like people coming in and haunting my life especially when I never went out with them in the first place. (RIP Grant). Apparently I had done this to Corbin because his first text never came through. I fixed it but, this was going to make for an interesting situation.

Texting with him was pretty easy. Based on the old texts I had, easier than it was the first time. He asked me out pretty quickly and we made plans.

He was decently attractive. Not super hot but, not bad. Conversation was pretty easy too. He had grown up in Brooklyn, was in a frat in college, and now worked as a graphic designer. Despite his reassurances that he wasn’t a typical frat guy,  he partied a lot. Not only was he out drinking 4-5 times a week but he was in a flip cup league that he took a hair too seriously.

Corbin shared a lot with me that night. To start, he told me that he was a serial relationship kind of guy. He also threw in that he had always gone for the “nice girl” and was looking for more of a “party girl” to keep up with him. Mmmmm, no. Don’t get me wrong, I love being drunk but I’m also 85. Maybe once every 3 months I’ll get wrecked.

He seemed very invested in me a bit too quickly. He was getting touchy with me which I didn’t entirely mind. Up until that point the only physical touch I was getting was from my fuck buddy and that was only when we were hitting the sheets. It was nice to have someone hold my hand in public or rest his hand on my leg.

We ended up kissing at the bar and it was decent. Little weird that he did it right before I got up to pee but he had decent technique. Eventually I went to check what time it was and I saw that my fuck buddy had texted me. FUCK IT. As I told Corbin I had to go I was calling my Uber to set up my dick appointment. We made out a little as we waited for my car and I went on my way to get railed.

Corbin and I texted the rest of the week and the more we texted, the more I knew I had to end it. He was starting to get more invested and I was just focused on getting the D. He asked me about my grad program and when I’d be done my session. Then he made some comment about how I’d have more time for activities when the session ended. Then, he asked me out again because he “really wanted to hang out” before his trip that coming weekend. When planning for the second date he invited me to his place for a movie and wine which felt a bit soon. But the clincher was when he drunk texted me and said, “It’s hard not to think about you”.

Now, I understand this is sweet. If I had any sort of feelings towards him I would have gone with it. I didn’t. I had been planning on going out with him one more time to give him a fair shot but, I was anticipating breaking it off. Also, while we were out he talked a lot about how he hated ghosting and would rather just know if someone isn’t interested.

So I sent “the text” and it didn’t quite go well.

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Be careful what you wish for. Sometimes ghosting may be better.

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