App: N/A

Name: Sam*

Date Location: Stax NYC & Stumble Inn

Location Review:  3.0 Stars – Was better with its prior owners because I would leave black out drunk after one drink. Now it has tons of screens, decent menu, and is almost always empty.

3.0 Stars – Good sports bar, very warm and inviting. Has beer pong in the back.

Date Duration: 4 hours

What Happened:

I met Sam at my Kick Off to Thotumn party. A coworker had her husband invite him since he was the husband’s hottest single friend. Leading up, she was underselling him saying he was so hot when they were in college but he’s gotten a little thicc. Okay, low pressure.

This guy walked into my apartment and was a BABE. 6 foot something, broad ass shoulders, dark hair, five o’clock shadow. Holy. Fuck. He was so cute that when he sat on my couch I booked it to the kitchen and just stared at him because I had no fucking clue what to do.

When we all went out to the bar, my friend’s husband kind of nudged him to get my number. He asked, I gave, we texted, and ultimately set something up.

Going in, I had a feeling I was weirder than him. He seemed like your average guy’s guy. Into sports, comic books, GoT, that kind of thing. I asked my coworker for more info on him and she kept saying that he was really nice and had a normal family. Well, that should have been the give away on how this was going to go. You need some childhood trauma to hang with this bitch.

We met up in the city to watch Monday Night Football and he immediately ordered a fuck ton of food. This could work. He was a nice guy who had it together. Lived on the Upper East Side, worked in finance, and seemed to be chill. His family sounded lovely and he was content with his life.

After the first game was over, he asked if I had anywhere to be so we moved to the second bar for drinks. I was surprised by that considering how quiet he was. Up until that point I figured he was just being nice since it was a bit of a fix up.

We kept drinking and he started to loosen up a bit. I say a bit because I don’t think he gets all too loose. He went to the bathroom and when he came back he put his hand on my back as he sat down. Okay, looking promising. Maybe he didn’t hate me?

It was late so I made moves to go. Before I could do anything, he called me an Uber back to NJ. Umm what? That’s a first. Also that’s easily $40+. Holy fuck.

Now I don’t know if this next part was awkward because of me or just the situation. To me, it felt like we were doing the “Oh so much fun” blah blah blah dance. Thing was, the Uber was there in like 1 minute so the dance was abruptly cut short. As we walked outside, I saw the car in the corner of my eye. We kissed. But it wasn’t a make out or anything. Basically enough to say we did and then next thing I knew I was in the car on the way to Jersey.

He texted me to make sure I got home okay and we did the “Ohhh I had so much fun thing”. Never heard from again. Was I too drunk? Possibly. Was it not going to work out between us? Definitely. Need some childhood issues to run with this bitch.