Hot Girl Summer ended? Time for Thotumn. Ship, Hinge, Bumble, The League, and Tinder. It’s going to be a fucking ride but this time, we’re wearing seatbelts.

So I present to you my 10 Commandments of Dating. I mean they’ll probably go out the window when I’m drunk and desperate but a bitch gotta try.

1. Projects cannot becometh relationships
2. If thou art not feeling it, fucking leaveth
3. If ‘t be true thy date sucks balls, kisseth not that gent to saveth the courtship
4. If ‘t be true thou art not excit’d to go out with that gent, fucking cancel
5. Nay to sex on the second date
6. Thy gent wilt has’t a savings account
7. A sir at each moment sayeth what that gent means. Twisteth not to heareth what thee wanteth
8. If ‘t be true thee cannot standeth his family, fucking runneth
9. Thee cannot beest his sugar mama

10. Thy gent wilt maketh thee cum

Here goes fucking nothing.