What Happened:

Fleet Week is a magical week in NYC where sailors, marines, and coast guardsmen come into the city and we all get some military ass.

My Fleet Week started slow to say the least. I was sick that Friday night so couldn’t go out until Saturday. While I was sick at home, I swiped through Tinder like a fucking mad woman. I had not had decent action in awhile and truly I wasn’t entirely opposed to a one night stand with a guy who hadn’t seen a woman in months. I matched with this guy who was incredibly out of my league and was only in the city for the weekend. We exchanged numbers and decided that we would try to meet up at the same bar over the weekend.

Saturday night my friend and I went out in the city and found ourselves at Hair of the Dog. It was ratched AF. We were watching the basketball game and during breaks would look around to see where the crowd was at. About an hour in we saw them. Sailors. But we were not the only ones. Within seconds girls were all over them, wearing their hats, and trying to get pics for instagram. Upon further review, not one of these men was attractive so I ended up talking to a civilian, he took my number, and then I was weird. I was about to leave and couldn’t tell if he wanted to kiss or not. So we went in for the hug and my drunken mind thought it would be a great idea to kiss him on the cheek. I missed. Got the guy’s neck. OH WELL.

Since Saturday was a bust and it was a long weekend, we figured Sunday could be our redemption. We went out to the first bar with no luck. Moved to the one next door and saw those white uniforms. Perf. We got our beers and found a free table to watch the basketball game. The guys we were sitting with were all Cavaliers fans and one in particular would not shut the fuck up. Somehow, he ended up with my number. While we worked on our beers, the guy I matched with on Tinder let me know where he and his friends were headed and it wasn’t too too far from where we were. We downed our beers and made the trek over.

This bar was weird. It looked like a hallway that got converted to a shitty club because some kid had a bean bag chair and some dj equipment. The music was bad but we were a little turnt, wanted to dance, and I was waiting for Tinder guy to show up.

Then everything happened so fast. My friend and I were dancing and probably 7 minutes into us being there both of us ended up with a marine. He and I danced for a minute and then he asked if I wanted a drink. I agreed and we got beers. The bar had slightly better lighting and I got a glimpse of his face. He was cute. Somehow age came up and he asked how old I thought he was. I guessed 20/21. He said 22. (Upon finding his instagram, he was actually 19). No joke, I don’t think he ever needs to shave. He then guessed my age and came up with 22. I’m 25 AKA grandma status.

Even though he was young, he explained that he was the highest ranked marine in the bar and was a gunner. Holy. Shit. This child had more balls than I ever will. I asked why he joined and he said “This” while motioning to the crowd. “It’s seeing everyone so happy and knowing I’m making it possible for them.” We kept talking and he said he was going to be shipped out to Syria in a year. FUCK. …then I gave him my number and we crushed some jagerbombs as one does.

We moved back out to the dance floor and were making out in seconds. He pressed me against the dj booth, felt me up, said how hot I was, sucked on my neck, and left a hickey while I ran my hands down his back and kissed his neck. He was ripped.

Despite me having a great time, my tinder “date” was not as amused.

OH WELL.

My friend’s marine sucked so she said she was leaving. I had to leave my guy but it was a little difficult to do. That make out was really hot. When I got outside I couldn’t find her so I figured I’d call a Lyft and start heading out. The second I pulled my phone out another marine appeared to smoke a cigarette. He was a leaner guy who was maybe 5’9″. Truthfully, I couldn’t tell how attractive he was because the brim of his hat sat so low on his forehead but he didn’t look too too bad. He shared some fun nuggets of info. The one I distinctly remember was that he said, “Gay shit happens. No really, when you’re out there that long…I’ve cuddled with some guys before. It happens.”

Fam, I don’t know how this next part happened but in what felt like 2 minutes we were making out hard on the street, he gave me his number, and he was so fucking close to getting a hotel room. But alas, the Lyft got there before he could do anything else.

In the Lyft, I thought it would be a great idea to drunk text. Keep in mind, we have the guy from Saturday I was waiting on, the creepy guy, and 2 marines.

When I got this text, I was with my first marine and I thought it was the guy from the night before. After some beer, jagerbombs, and a few hours I then thought it was the first marine.

…it was the creepy guy. FUCK.

I couldn’t remember the second marine’s name so when I opened my phone I saw a guy’s name and deduced it was his.

Well that went well.

I was bummed. I really thought I would get at least one guy to text me that weekend. But low and behold, in the final hours I got an add on Snapchat and my marine came through.

Thanks for the adventures Fleet Week. Until next time.