App: Tinder

Name: Mason*

Date Location: Lyceum Theatre – The Play That Goes Wrong

Location Review: 4.5 Stars – Theatre is beautiful and the show is very, very, funny with an insane set.

Date Duration: 3.5 hours

What Happened:

After a week of lead time, Mason and I finally met up. We had matched on Tinder, chatted consistently, exchanged numbers, snapchatted, and texted constantly. So already, not what I usually do.

Since I had his last name I decided to creep him on Facebook. Bad idea. I was on the fence about him but his profile didn’t help. It’s not that he’s unattractive it’s that he had eyebrows as thick as my entire pony tail. Hoping it was a fluke, I awaited the selfies in snapchats. Maybe he got his brows done recently? NOPE. Monkey brows.

Despite that, he met a lot of my standards – engineer, athletic, smart, Jewish, and similar sense of humor. He won tickets to The Play That Goes Wrong in the Broadway lottery. Normally I would have thought this was extra but we seemed to get along over text so fuck it. Let’s do it.

As soon as he walked up I felt the immediate NOPE. On a physical level I just wasn’t into it. He had longer, greasy hair, was shorter than me, and THOSE DAMN eye brows. I have never felt bitchier or more shallow in my life but I could not picture him touching me.

We took our seats in the theatre and I was slowly reminded of high school. Back in the day there was this incredibly smart guy I was friends with. Super chill, could hold a conversation, but definitely had an engineer’s mind. The more Mason spoke the more I heard the voice of this boy I grew up with and it was freaky AF. In case I ever wanted to know what a date with that boy from high school would be like, I now know. He had this tendency to always be right, get the last word in, and one up the other person in intelligence. Mama don’t play that game.

Side note: The show was actually really good. Someone “complained” about us and we got moved to from the balcony to the 3rd row. (Don’t worry, it was all part of the show). The set is absolutely incredible and it’s a fun plot. Go see it.

After the show he asked if I wanted to get pizza and I got out of it by saying it would take an hour for me to get home, I had to work the next day, all that shit. He walked me to the train station, we hugged, and I scooted away.

However, Mason proved to be clingy. As I mentioned earlier, he added me on Snapchat before we went out which I think is weird. But as soon as I left he immediately snapped AND texted me. Okay, buddy. Calm down. As much as I wanted to wait until the next day to drop the bomb, I knew it had to be done then. NAGASAKI’ED. Sent the text, blocked, unmatched. No more.

I did feel bad for a second. This kid really did nothing wrong and took the time to plan a great date. And then I remembered it cost $40 for the 2 of us which is less than dinner and drinks so I got over it real fast. On to the next one!